Down South in Dixie

QUESTION: What is missing from this photo? (Answer at bottom of page)

Just been travelling some Tennessee backroads and we’ve run into a few “good ole boys”.
Compared to what we’ve met it makes the movie Deliverance look like a lighthearted travel documentary.

A few things that let you know you really are in southern fried chicken country and entering Nutbush City Limits are:
If it ain’t a bashed up, paint peeled pickup, it ain’t on the road.
If it doesn’t have a gun rack on the back, well then you’ve been naughty and maybe Santa will bring you one next year.
If you weigh under 200 kilos, you ain’t human.,
If your chest size is bigger than your neck size, you need more bacon.
If your house has less than ten broken down wrecks parked all around it, you’re not a true native.
If you don’t talk like Dolly Parton then you’re not a real local, this goes for the women too.

Speaking of which on the interstate we passed huge billboards for Dolly World, it sounds as corny as Wayne’s World only with breasts.
And then there were signs for Loretta Lynn’s Ranch, apparently she’s a country singer too so all the yee haa’s can boot scoot themselves stupid at her place, for a price.

America charges a price for everything. New York had one last go at us as we were leaving on the New Jersey Turnpike and now we have been rounded up in Tennessee by rangers who tote guns bigger than the ones Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry character uses.
We were committing one of the worst crimes you can here, free camping.
They escorted us to a campground where seeing it was Friday night every “Weekend Wally” had arrived with their screaming brats, barking mutts and their personal arsenal of firearms.

This is at a State Park on the Mississippi River just outside of Memphis with a very beautiful campground, the sort of place we have where most things are protected but as we write this there are guns going off everywhere.
Who knows what they are shooting at, there is no wildlife left, that was blasted into oblivion years ago, it seems like it’s an addiction they have, just like a chain smoker has to have a cigarette these people have to fire a gun off every five minutes.

To be quite honest they are all f#*!*ing crazy here but then on the other hand we’ve found that southern hospitality and manners everywhere.
The people are extremely polite with hell of a lot of “excuse me honey” “pardon me sir” and “thank you ma’am, y’all have a great day now ya hear”. Also no one would lets a door close on you if you were within 50 feet of it, they will wait, holding it open.

We suppose they must save all their bad manners for the wildlife. We can’t imagine some hunter out in the woods saying “excuse me y’all so god damn cute, y’all mind staying still for just one moment while I take a might friendly shot at ya ....bang! Why thahkee y’all have a great day now ya hear.

Answer to our quick quiz: The sound of gunfire that you don’t see on a photo.Read more