Adventures in Melbourne

Thursday morning I drove the last few hours over to Melbourne and picked up the keys to my airbnb for the long weekend, after a bit of driving around I managed to find a cute little 1 bedroom apartment in the North Melbourne area and started making plans to catch up with Wayne (for those of you that don’t know Wayne is an old work friend from GE… and Wayne if you’re reading this I know u totally just got all excited about me calling you a friend ;-) ) . For some reason, possibly because I was talking to an English friend I made the decision to wear jeans instead of shorts when we headed out for a beer at around 5pm… what a numpty, a sweaty sweaty numpty. I met up with Wayne outside his place just opposite the Queen Victoria market after a bit of walking in the heat and an unconditioned Tram ride and Wayne being delightfully honest and forthright as I remembered made sure that one of his first comments was “JESUS you are sweaty! That's disgusting!” aww missed you too bud. The Queen Victoria market, for those of you that don’t know is a major landmark, the largest open air market in the Southern Hemisphere and one of the many many places I didn’t end up going to in what turned out to be a bit of a long weekend piss up…. oops

After a couple of beers and a catch up at Wayne’s we headed out and walked down Elizabeth street towards the waterfront in search of a cold beer and a good catch up spot. We would have made it about 3/4 blocks in 30 degree heat with me wearing jeans when I decided to indulge one of my favourite new city past times and visit a “British” pub ( Charles Dickens Tavern for anyone that's interested), compared to Canada’s attempt this was pretty spot on, dodgy décor, sport on TV’s, Grumpy old Cojers sitting around moaning, I even got a relatively decent pint of London pride… The spell was only broken briefly when in a super thick Aussie accent some woman stated to her family “Look at this: bangers, mash and Gravy… that sounds disgusting”… silly people. Also side note, I did not enjoy the graffitied picture of Chris Robshaw when on the same poster Rooney’s ugly mug was staring at me…

After a couple in the air conditioned little pub we decided we should find something a bit more Aussie and continued our walk down to the waterfront. We found a cool bar (Arbory Bar and Eatery) with a nice water view and tanqueray as a house gin…Ideal. A good few rounds and a decent amount of catching up later Wayne was remembering why he didn’t used to try and keep up with me when drinking and I was getting tired after a few days of driving at the such like and we decided to part ways for the night with an agreement that we would have a much bigger night on the Friday when Rachel got into town.

After a bit of a lay in and despite a forecast of rain I decided I would make the 30 minute walk up to the Melbourne Zoo. As many of you know, and even more of you mock me for, despite my 6’3”, 30 year old bald guy exterior, when it comes to a few things I am a giant child, nothing more so than Animals and Melbourne zoo did not disappoint. Melbourne zoo felt spacious, the enclosures seemed large and well kept, it didn’t feel like they were constantly trying to sell you food, drinks and souvenirs (I’m looking at you London Zoo) and there were loads of animals. Check out my video here : https://www.dropbox.com/s/86ewh7zeowfqngz/melb… .I spent a good few hours there until my camera battery ran down, the drizzle turned into rain and I got peckish.
Friday night saw the arrival of Rachel (I’m trying to train myself not to refer to her as Rach as it turns out she genuinely hates that) into Melbourne, I picked her up from the airport and after a couple of warm up beers in the flat we decided to head out for a night on the town with Wayne. We decided we would start with a place that had been recommended by both Aiden & Craig called Cookie (they claim its Thai food and cocktails)… we however could find no sign of the place despite standing right next to where google maps claimed it was! We instead wondered around the corner to the Exford Arms ( a place that would basically become our new local for the duration of the trip after we discovered reasonable drinks prices, free pool and free video jukebox (mostly 80’s power ballads) ooh and it was open until 4am! I wont bore you with the details but it was Wayne, Rachel, Wayne's friend Aimeree and me, pints, shorts, spritzers, shots and bombs, followed by a hungry jacks (its just burger king Australia, why u being silly with the name).

After a well deserved lay in Saturday started ( I say started it was about mid-day) with a trip over to the Casino for some lunch, drinks and a bit of gambling. Lunch was good, drinks were expensive and the blackjack was going well until the following happened (if you don’t know blackjack skip to the next paragraph). I was down to $80 remaining and felt a good vibe so went for a $40 hand, I got 11 and the dealer was showing a 3! as a fine Australian gentleman I’ve known for a long time says “winner winner chicken dinner”, the only decision left… to double or not to double… he’s got a 3… its doubling time… it went downhill quickly, $80 on the table and my next and final card… a 2…dealer… draws to 18… time to go home… god I hate gambling, mainly cos I suck! To quote a little kiwi friend “I’m not saying Stewart’s unlucky but if he fell in a barrel full of tits he’d come up sucking his own thumb”

After a consolatory pint and cigarette in the casino “beer garden” we decided to go for a walk down the south bank and to meet up with Wayne at our new local, maybe stopping for 1/2 on the way…. Again I wont bore you with details, I’ll just say Arbory Bar and Eatery, Young and Jackson Pub, The Carlton Club and the Exford! We er’d on the side of caution after that and picked up a take-out from china town which was very authentic and quite tasty.

I have to say Melbourne is a beautiful city with lovely people and a great vibe and I would definitely visit again some time. It definitely has a bit of a hipster vibe… which explains soooooo much about Aiden! And was at its most evident at the place me and Rach stopped for lunch on my way to drop her to the airport where my pulled pork sandwich was not held together with a toothpick, but a needle-less syringe full of sauce…Read more