Laos

Having finished our adventures in North Laos, it was time to head down south. Reviews of the capital, Vientiane, are universally grim, confirmed by a brief taxi ride through trash-strewn neighbourhoods, so we decided to skip it and catch an overnight bus straight down to Pakse. Pakse is another former French colonial town on the Mekong River (like everywhere in Laos), though much hotter—up to 39⁰C—and with far less to do. It is however the gateway to the Bolaven Plateau Loop: a self-guided motorbiking trail around the countryside, which is Laos' answer to the (very popular) Ha Giang loop in north Vietnam. We figured we'd rather bike tour here, where there’d be fewer tourists and better opportunities for smug gap year one-upmanship in future.

Day one: the anticipated first 85km required 108km in blazing sun, due to a detour when Dan missed a turning. We visited a climate-stricken coffee plantation and got stuck for ages behind a massively overloaded cassava truck which Chelsea refused to overtake, much to Dan's chagrin Root veg was spilling onto the road in front of us, smashing like Mario Kart traps.

Eventually we arrived at our first stop, Tad Lo, exhausted and sunburnt. Turns out having your knees and forearms exposed from 10-1pm is not ideal. Dan has burnt a red patch around his watch which looks a bit like the Laos flag. We vowed to start earlier and wear long sleeves for the rest of the loop.

Day two: Now that we’d got the hang of it, we vowed no more mistakes. We had a quick ‘shower’, taking it in turns to pour a bucket of water over one another’s heads, and were raring to go. Our host promised that she'd be up at 6am to start breakfast, so we planned to be on the road by 7am to avoid the worst of the sun. She emerged groggily after 7, and our bikes were locked in the garage until she’d sold us pancakes and coffee. We got on the road after 8, and immediately took another wrong turn and 20km detour.

Around 10:30am, high up on the plateau with only miles of forest in sight, clouds began to gather. Then a lightning strike. Moments later, we were in the middle of a torrential downpour. What happened to 'hottest time of year'?! The only long trousers Dan had brought on the loop were his pyjama bottoms, which he was wearing to protect his legs from the sun. They got nicely soaked before we pulled over for 'pop mie' (instant noodles), and contemplated the deluge while a small child tried to stab Chelsea in the leg with a fork.

The rain also turned all unsealed roads into mud slides. This wasn't a problem for most of the journey, but the last stretch to our second farmstay was a dirt road. We skidded our bikes over in puddles three times (luckily no major injuries), Dan plunging shoes and PJ bottoms into the mud while Chelsea muttered darkly about sprained ankles and never leaving the house again. We were very relieved to dry out indoors on arrival at ‘Shared Happy Farm’, aided by pets and some scorpion whisky we’d wisely packed.

Day three: Surely we’d get it right on our last day! The plan was an 80km ride back to Pakse, with a coffee stop and a waterfall dip. After waiting out another rainstorm, we decided to make a dash while the sky was clear-ish. The local custom requires that women cover up in the waterfalls, so Chelsea wore her leggings and t-shirt into the falls... aaaand then dripped all the way back to Pakse as the last of the rain spattered against her glasses and the wind chilled her soaked clothes. Dan could only see a glimpse of Chelsea's gritted teeth in her wing mirror, and thought she was grinning. He followed cheerfully along with his soggy pyjamas flapping around his ankles, singing 'Born to be Wild' at the top of his voice.

These minor inconveniences aside, it was a really fun loop, highly recommended. Motorbikes are exciting! The rolling mountain views are incredible. The waterfalls we stopped at along the route were stunning. The food in the countryside is cheap and fresh and excellent. Dan has been stuffing his face to regain the weight he lost during his illness in Thailand. He's never going to bulk up to be a beefcake, so we're calling this 'Project Fishcake'.

...We did however spend a bit more (a whole £29!) on a plush hotel once back in town, where we could have a proper shower and sleep in mosquito-free aircon. It is unlikely that we will need to do the Ha Giang loop in Vietnam now 😅Baca selengkapnya