Camino de Santiago

Distance: 17.8miles
Climb: 496m (1,627 ft) and more down.
Temps in the 80s (I think?)

Today was good but wasn't easy: both physically and emotionally/spiritually.

Highlights for me included spending most of the day alone. I spoke to maybe 4 people for maybe 10 minutes each. If you know me at all you know that silence is just not my default mode... I enjoyed the thinking. It was a little like a silent retreat.

Thought topics ranged greatly and many are more personal than I care to include just now.

I made peace with some demons and learned some things about myself, which is part of why I'm here.

The landscape started urban and morphed into sunny rolling wheatfields with brilliant red poppies. The quaint rural towns through which I walked felt remote but are probably a 20 minute drive from Pamplona. Funny how taking a trail changes perspective vs taking the highway. This led me down a path of thinking about how much our chosen route through life influnces our perspective on... Everything. I rarely pause to ask myself how much my opinion is defined by my path but I'd like to get better at that; it matters.

As I slipped and skidded down some loose rubbly gravel I was listening to a podcast about how we aren't *really* in control of much... I had to stop and laugh at the serendipitous nature of the two things, which led to me sitting down to contemplate the soaring view and appreciate how fortunate I am that my life circumstances provide me with the opportunity to be where I am, doing what I am doing. I am enjoying it. I am happy.

As I sat, my thoughts turned to pondering life-purpose and just how irrelevant we are in a very large sense. Sure, to some people at some times we are anything but irrelevant! Yet compared to the butterfly flitting along at my feet or the lizard scurrying down the path... How truly important is any of this? Will anyone remember me in 1,000 years? 100 years? 10? I find the former doubtful and the 2nd only slightly less doubtful. 10 years I feel pretty confident. Got that going for me, which is nice. This thought left me oddly comforted... It's just life, after all.

And yet.... I am reminded of the importance of life purpose. I am told that the Japanese language includes the word "Ikigai" which translates roughly as "Why I wake up".

For those who don't know me: I've had a complicated year. In addition to several other stressors; losing my brother and also my best friend in a two month period threw me for a loop and left me questioning many things. Among them: my own life choices, mortality, honesty, love, anger, loss, and the reality of impermanence. Just that!

It has been a little while since I have been able to easily define what is my Ikigai... I'd like to rediscover that. I'm not there yet, but stay tuned..... Could happen any moment! and I believe that taking this time to focus on being present and listening to my heart, mind, and soul is likely to help.

In the meantime, I embrace the process with enthusiasm. I try to release my 'need' for results. Some moments it works. Some.... There's opportunity for growth. Growth is certainly among the things that truly do matter in this groovy little thing called life.

¡Buen camino!Read more