Day 9 - What the Buggering Tits?

04:30
Yes. 04:30. My first overnight train has not gone to plan. It arrives on time at 21:45, and I’m quickly boarded, I’m in a 4 passenger compartment, but am the only occupant at the moment. The guard *thinks* there’s some additional folks joining later in the journey. Hopefully I’ll be asleep by then, and they won’t be noisy. Around 23:30, I try to get some sleep. The ‘bed’ feels mighty uncomfortable. Whilst I’m a far better sleeper than I used to be, there are limits. This is the most uncomfortable place I’ve ever tried to sleep, and I’ve spent most of a night in the holding cells at Guildford Police Station… That was deluxe compared to this. FFS - the ditch I slept in when I was 17 was better than this. I listen to audiobooks, and will myself to sleep - and that never works.

At our first stop, Gwalior, an Indian couple board. I’m tucked up on the lower bunk, where the guard directed me. I cheerily say hi to the couple, and am met with obnoxious rudeness. The husband accuses me of being in his berth. He thinks I should be on the top bunk. I tell him calmly and politely that he’s wrong, and he can check with guard if he wishes. He does not. He wishes to harangue me until I give in, and I’m not going to. He’s an idiot - if he’d asked nicely, saying that he’d prefer to be on the same bunk level as his wife, who is on the bottom bunk next to me, I’d have acquiesced. Because he’s a rude little fuckwit, I do not. He heads off to find the guard, who confirms that yes - the guy is an idiot. Idiot man DEMANDS that they be moved to somewhere they can both be on the lower bunk. He hits all the Karen stereotypes, and is getting increasingly incensed. I’m trying not to chuckle.

The guard finds them a berth elsewhere. Anything for an easy life, I suspect. It means that I am due to be alone in my carriage for most, if not all of the journey = RESULT. I try once again to go to sleep. Three hours later, I’m in agony. All of my joints are burning - ankles, knees, hips and shoulders particularly. It’s like trying to sleep on a park bench. Whilst my Humira prescription has been phenomenal at stopping the regular acute arthritic episodes I’ve suffered from over the past 10 years, there’s still enough lifetime damage in those joints that I can no longer sit crossed legged for any length of time, kneel down without wincing. This sleeping set-up is not at all pleasant. I know from the way my hips, ankles and feet are feeling that I’ll be limping a little/a lot for the next few days.

It’s so utterly different to my admittedly 17 year dated experience. I slept brilliantly on most trains I travelled on. When Vicki and I went on our first trip together in 2008 to Goa, we took the overnight train from Mumbai to Goa. our shared recollection is of padding, comfort, and pretty decent sleep. Around 03:30, I give up, and start investigating flights from Nagpur to Goa in a few days. I can’t do another two overnights like this. I’ll get about £40 refunded for my two train rides, which coincidentally is almost exactly the IndiGo fare for a flight. I’m sold. I quickly make plans to spend a couple of days on Palolem Beach before heading over to our hotel in Patnem.

I’ve got a whole blog post in the works, which will look at my experience in 2025 vs 2007, and particularly trying to to understand where experiences have changed, whether it’s me, whether it’s India, or perhaps a bit of both… HINT - it’s a bit of both.

12:30
I spend most of the night watching some TV, a movie, and doing some reading. It’s long night. I don’t feel too exhausted just yet, but I suspect that’s gonna catch up with me later. I need to eat something so I can take some painkillers. After a few days of upset stomach, I’m not risking taking NSAIDs on an empty stomach. Around 06:30, the light starts to creep up to the horizon. It’s slow and methodical - a slight greying at the horizon, It’s the first time I’ve been able to see the landscape the train is passing through. We’re travelling at around 130kph, which for Indian trains is godspeed. The carriages buck and yaw across the tracks Just as well I’m not trying to sleep at the moment, as this would have woken me, for sure.

Soon enough, the sun is poking through some early morning mist. The surrounding landscape is quite hilly, and with the addition of lush, verdant forest, it’s unlike any scenery I’ve ever come across in India. It reminds me of the greenery the Ella to Kandy train runs through - the tea plantations and thick mountain forests. Beautiful.

We’re tracking close to time. Looks like we’ll be maybe 15 minutes later into Nagpur, which over a 12 hour journey is basically not late at all. I’m struggling though. Pulling on my trainers is a painful mission - hobbling to the bathroom and back even moreso. I silently curse the designers of these ridiculous sleeping benches. I mentally compose a very strongly worded email to Indian Railways.

We pull into Nagpur at 09:50, around 25 minutes late. Carrying my bags over to the parking lot is a challenge. I’m shuffling along, wincing with pain through gritted teeth. Predictably, i have to walk up and over a large footbridge, which is just unpleasant. I finally make it to the exit, and meet Mr Prakash, my charioteer today and on Saturday. He sets off at a clip towards his car, and I limp along behind. Getting out of Nagpur takes about 15 minutes, then we’re into a fast highway cruise. I decide to have a doze.I fall asleep instantly, and only wake up as we pull off the highway onto a small road into the bush. There are a bunch of signs for different accommodation options for Pench. Pench is everso slightly smaller than Bandhavgarh, but has a higher density of tiger population. There are something like 90 tigers across the 1,100km2 of the park. While 12km2 per tiger might sound like a lot of ground to cover, it’s actually not. Tiger sightings are NEVER guaranteed, but I’ve got every chance here.

We arrive at my lodge, which has the slightly troubling name Tiger in Woods. I don’t *think* they’re suggesting that tigers will come and sit on my balcony, but I’m not 100% sure. My room’s lovely. Dark, varnished wood, a very comfy bed, big bathroom, cool balcony. My first safari is tomorrow morning. An afternoon of chills and zizz awaits…

21:30
Lunch was a fab veg Thali.A paneer dopiaza, a dhal, and a mild vegetable curry featuring a couple of vegetables that I doubt I could pick out of a lineup. They’re all very tasty, but the paneer dopiaza is my favourite. It’s spiky with chilli, but has a beautiful depth of flavour in the gravy. These are served with a Brinjal (aubergine) pickle, some roti and some papad. My first Thali of this trip, and it’s a belter.

While I’m eating, Raji (who appears to manage the resort) chats to me - usual Indian conversation stuff. Where are you from / how old are you / are you married / what work you do / how much you earn. Indians are not afraid of direct questioning, and will happily accept it in return. He also asks if the heat levels in the food are ok for me. I’m the only Western palate at the lodge at the moment, but he wants to make sure the food doesn’t blow my tastebuds to pieces. The food in front of me is, to my tastes, just about right. Some initial heat from fresh chilli, and the gradual growth of heat from chilli powder. He smiles. I suspect this means his kitchen aren’t gonna have to cater especially to the firangi.

Back at my room, I need more sleep. I think I managed about an hour in the car earlier, but I need a top-up. I drift into a deep, harmonious sleep, waking with my alarm after a good couple of hours. I actually feel pretty refreshed. Darron calls for a quick chat. Sounds like he and Debs are having a great time in Goa. The music festival we’re there for kicks off in earnest tomorrow, and runs for a couple of weeks. The promoter shared the full list of parties and events today. I think our biggest challenge is gonna be picking and choosing which to do, and which to miss, in the interests of having some chill time.

Dinner is served between 20:00 and 22:00 at Tiger in Woods, but I’m just not hungry after my earlier Thali. My jeep safari leaves at 05:00, and I negotiate an 04:30 alarm call. This will hopefully involve a steaming cup of masala chai. I determine that sleep is the best friend I can make right now. I just about manage a shower and some teeth-brushing before collapsing into bed. Excited about tomorrow, but nothing’s gonna get in the way of my sleep…Lue lisää