Joanna Turner

Joined February 2017
  • Day4

    It's business time

    March 26 in Sweden

    We woke up and had our last amazing Hotel Camper breakfast. I stuffed myself with herrings and cheese and waddled back to the room to pack. After checkout by our and getting the bill for all the “put it on the room” times we walked to the station and got the cheaper but longer train to the airport where we headed to the lounge for free booze and food. Phil had surprised me on the way out by telling me he’d upgraded up to business class on the way home which has been something I’ve been looking forward to like a massive twat all weekend. We were eligible for the lounge at the airport so made ourselves comfortable and guzzled as much free wine and food as possible in two hours. I think this is who I am now. Phil has created a monster and I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to chicken class ever again. I managed to neck a fair bit of wine before having to board the plane where we got treated to business class service which meant lots of gin and tonic which I unfortunately knocked over. It was ok. I just got another one. After we’d made the most of our taste of luxury we headed to the tube to rough it with the peasants. It took just as long to get back to Brighton as it did to fly back from Stockholm. The bubble had well and truly burstRead more

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  • Day3

    Vasa, hairy pigs and photos

    March 25 in Sweden

    We have ourselves a lie in til 9 before splurging on the hotel breakfast. I’ll have put on a stone just from this but I don’t care. We then walked over to the Vasamuseet. I was in two minds as to whether to go in or not as I wasn’t totally enthralled by it the first time round and it was really long very and sunny but I decided to give it a go. My initial feelings were fairly accurate but it was worth it to see Phils face when he saw the Vasa. Jaw dropped and wide eyed. After wandering around and viewing the ship from all angles we left and headed over to Gamla Stan and got the last seats in the hairy pig deli which had been recommended to us by Ben and Barbie. We ate lush hotdogs and Scandinavian tapas washed down with nice but expensive beer. After that we Wales over to Södermalm and went to Fotografiska which was highly recommended and was really good. There were exhibitions by Ellen Van Unwerth (models,tits and bums) Christian Taglivini (medieval Wes Anderson) and Zanele Muholi (South African lesbian activist with great hair) We had a coffee and cardamom bun (horrible-tasted like washing up liquid) overlooking the water and the most beautiful part of Stockholm before heading back to the hotel bar where we sunk a couple of pints in the rooftop bar and people/skyline watched. I was getting anxious that I hadn’t had any meatballs so at 8:30 we went out to try our luck at finding some. Fortunately a really nice place called Gastrobud (where I’d been before) was open so without dwelling on that too much we went in for herrings and meatballs (my two favourite foods now) before waddling back to our lovely hotel.Read more

  • Day2

    Archipelago and ABBA

    March 24 in Sweden

    We woke up and headed down to breakfast in the hotel which was like nothing either of us have ever seen or eaten. There was everything you could possibly want so obviously I tried to eat it all. I can’t get over how much nicer everything is here. The food, the hotel, the chairs, the people, the bathroom tiles. I have made it my mission to move here. We’d booked onto an archipelago tour at 10:30 so headed to the harbour where it started to snow for about 3 minutes which was pretty. The tour was nice. Nothing special but lovely to be on the water. We all know I love a boat trip! It went right out to the archipelago so we got to see lots of little island and typical Swedish summer houses. I was still kicking myself for oversleeping on our ferry ride 4 years ago as we could have seen all of this from the deck of a huge cruise ship. Never mind. Getting hammered in a Swedish/Finnish cruise disco was worth it. After we finished the boat trip we headed to Djurgården and went straight to the ABBA museum which didn’t disappoint for the second time. I felt totally validated when Phil said he had tears in his eyes in the ABBA montage at the beginning. I managed to swerve from the interactive/mortally embarrassing parts and we left singing ABBA songs like some weird Tourette’s. We then headed to Mikkeller because when in Rome......They had loads of really nice beers on so we had a couple then headed back to the hotel for a chill before walking to Södermalm and Pelikan. I felt a bit weird going back somewhere I’d already been to but I knew it was good so thought why not. We went totally Swedish by ordering meatballs and salmon which were so tasty. Phil had been commenting that he was finding Stockholm a bit too clean and tidy so was pleased when he saw some vomit (predictably) outside a British barRead more

  • Day1


    March 23 in Sweden

    We got up early in Woking and got dropped off by Mum at the station (after she retracted her offer of dropping us off at Heathrow) and quick whiz through security saw us dive into a restaurant for breakfast and an espresso martini. After a nice flight we arrived in Stockholm and found our hotel which is amazing. Very cool and Scandinavian. We checked into our windowless room (not that bad) and then headed out to Gamla Stan for a little wander before heading up to the rooftop pool (thankfully heated) and sat and looked out over the rooftops of Stockholm as the sunset. It was bloody lovely. We decided to eat at the hotel restaurant as we were tired. I had a really tasty bit of halibut and some hotdogs before passing outRead more

  • Day6

    Last day

    November 18, 2017 in the United States

    Up early again but for the last time. We stopped for a bagel then headed to get the bus to the mission which looked much less of a shithole in the sunshine. Knowing where we were going definitely helped too and we jumped off the bus, looked at some graffiti and we’re in Dolores park before we knew it. From there we walked to the Castro and marvelled at how much nicer the shops and cafes were whilst taking pictures of the rainbow walkways. From here we decided to pay homage to the hippies and walked to Haight Ashbury stopping in a vintage shop or two along the way. Randomly this was the only place we didn’t smell any weed while we were here. We realised we were near Golden Gate park so walked back there and went to the Japanese Tea gardens which were lovely. We stopped for a hot dog before jumping on a bus back to market street where we found a bar to kill some time in before heading to the airportRead more

  • Day5

    Over the bridge

    November 17, 2017 in the United States

    We jumped on the cable car a few stops up so we didn’t have to wait ages in a queue and headed to fisherman’s Wharf to get some bikes. We were met by a girl in the bike shop who told us we were “hip” which went down well with me especially since I had my barnyard cardigan on. We got our bikes and headed out to Crissy field and the bike path to the Golden Gate Bridge. The weather was totally on our side today as we had clear blue skies all day. It was gorgeous and so nice to be out and active. We stopped for photos whenever we could. We now have every possible view of San Francisco in photo form. Phil had to teach me how to use my gears (I’m not used to gears full stop least of all gears on both sides) and I probably messed things up as my chain crunched out of one of the cogs. We tried to fix it but couldn’t get it back in and both had black oil all over our hands so I called the bike place. It could not have happened in a better place as there were rescue bikes about 100 yards away and I was able to swap mine for another one and we were back on the road. In a short while we were cycling over the Golden gate bridge which was so good. We’ve seen the city from so many different views now. We stopped a few times to take it all in then carried on to Sausalito where we parked our bikes and found a place with the best view of the bay and sank a few beers before getting the ferry back to San Francisco where we had more beer and yet another view of the city. We were pretty ranked by this point so parked our bikes when we got off the ferry and went for oysters at Hog Island Oyster. Phil persuaded me to have one and it wasn’t that bad. We thought we would walk to Golden Gate Park but soon realised thus was a ridiculous plan as it was miles away so jumped on a bus. Thanks to our over enthusiastic drinking earlier we were too late to get to do anything but got to see some of the park which was lovely. We jumped on another bus as went to the coast to try and get a drink somewhere to watch the sunset. We were probably about 15 minutes too late to really appreciate it but stopped off at a pace which kind of resembled a posh American harvester for a pint before getting an Uber to a lush pizza restaurant. After we’d eaten Phil flaked out and wanted to go to bed. I felt the same but made him feel bad as we said we’d go all out on our last night. I was obviously thrilled to go to bed but was going to make him feel badRead more

  • Day4


    November 16, 2017 in the United States

    Another early morning but for a good reason as we were going to Yosemite today! We got picked up just after 6 and we’re driven with a few others out into the mountains. I had to persuade Phil to wear his waterproof which since there was 100% chance of rain seemed sensible. It took about 4 hours with a stop to get to the giant Sequoias. Fortunately the tour bus had umbrellas which kept some of the rain off but we were pretty soaked within about 5 minutes. We saw the huge trees, some had fallen over and one had a passageway carved through it and took a load of photos before walking up to the bus. It was a shame that the weather was so bad as the bus windows kept steaming up so we couldn’t see as much of the scenery as we were going through but the visibility wasn’t great anyway. We stopped again at Yosemite Falls which were pretty amazing especially with all the rain and walked through a few trails before giving up on being outside and getting a coffee. By now my DMs were totally soaked and I think I had the start of trench foot. We got back on the bus and worked our way back out of the park and onto the road back to San Francisco. We got to go over the Bay Bridge and our guide stopped on Treasure Island so we could get an amazing view of the city at night from across the water. We were the first to be dropped off which was amazing and we quickly got out of our wet things and headed out for a couple of drinks and some food We went to bed at 11pm!Read more

  • Day3

    Get to the chopper!

    November 15, 2017 in the United States

    I highjacked our 3 year anniversary to give Phil his 40th birthday helicopter ride. We got picked up and went to the private airport where 6 people went up first while we waited. The other 10 people in the group were London twats who were obviously in San Francisco on business and were banging on about how hungover they were. They were mildly obnoxious and I tried really hard to ignore them as this was something I had been looking forward to for ages. The weather was really good to us and we got the most incredible views of the city and bay. It was mind blowing! We were up for about half an hour and it didn’t even go that quickly. I couldn’t believe how amazing everything looked whizzing through the air. We got to go over and under the Golden Gate Bridge too which was total bucket list stuff. We loved it! We got dropped off in Fishermans Wharf (in the van not the helicopter which was a shame) and got some fish from the codmother which was run by a British woman who had lived in San Francisco for 30 years. She wanted to know what we thought. We said the batter was different. We bought some more tat and then went to the aquarium which was probably the same size as Sealife in Brighton but it had an anaxing tunnel where we got to sea sharks and rays. We then got the cable car back to the hotel and freshened up before going to Hop Water Brewery for a couple of pints which were delish. We were going to go to foreign cinema for dinner but cancelled our reservations as we had an early start the next day. We stopped for sushi instead (it is so good here) and were in bed early AGAIN!Read more

  • Day2

    Road trip!

    November 14, 2017 in the United States

    Another early start thanks to jet lag but we had to be up to go and pick up our rental car. Phil managed to negotiate his way out of the city centre like a boss (in a red Ford Fiesta) and I did some semi helpful navigating. We had decided to head to Monterey as we did have time to go to Big Sur (it was going to take 2.5 hours to get to Monterey and we had to have the car back with petrol in it by 6) We hit the road (freeway, highway?) and found some crap local radio stations that weren’t playing 1. Country 2. Mexican music or 3. Christian rock. We got to Monterey just before midday and went to fisherman’s wharf where we had lunch. Phil finally had some oysters and I had scallops wrapped in bacon. We felt stuffed so walked along the seafront to Cannery Row which was just a load of touristy shops and an aquarium that was charging $50 to get in. I’d want to see a great white for that money so we decided to give it a swerve and got in the car to go down to Carmel which was stunning. The sun was out and we walked along the white sandy beach dipping our toes in the freezing Pacific Ocean. We didn’t have much time there so we had to brush the sand off our toes after about half an hour and head back to San Francisco. Because we are so clever and organised we made in back with half an hour to spare so we rewarded ourselves with a flight of beers in this cool little Japanese place. After a quick pit stop at the hotel we decided to have an American McDonald’s (after we checked out Target) and it was not quite the experience we were after. This place felt shady, like we’d stepped into a back alley branch in the Bronx not one on the main Street in San Francisco. It looked like it had inherited all the cast offs from old McDonald’s branches in the 90s and felt a little shady. We smashed up our Big Mac meals, inducing some mild indigestion and got our of there ASAP. Turns out London Road Maccas isn’t so bad after all. In order to make ourselves feel normal again we went back to Mikeller and had a drink before doing our usual pass out before 10pmRead more

  • Day1

    Day 2

    November 13, 2017 in the United States

    Woke up really early thanks to lingering jet lag but it meant we were up and out really early which was good. We got coffee and bagels and walked down to pier 33 to get the ferry over to Alcatraz. Obviously I was thrilled to be on a boat even if it was only for 15 minutes. Alcatraz is a massive shithole but I guess that’s the point. I loved doing the audio tour around the prison as you got to hear from real inmates and wardens. It also had amazing views of San Francisco. When we got back we decided to get the bus to Mission but screwed it up a bit as we didn’t check where to get off. In short we got off far too soon and we’re left wondering where to go. Mission is also a shithole but in a charming way. That said I was reluctant to pull out my lonely planet and look like a massive tourist so snuck down a side street to have a look at a map. I soon realised we’d got off a bit prematurely and had quite a walk to get to La Taqueria which is meant to do amazing burritos. I was getting hungrier by the minute and obviously grumpy too so imagine my disappointment when we realised it was shut on Mondays. Thankfully there was a really nice cafe across the road which wouldn’t have been out of place in Brighton where we had pot pies and I had a slice of pumpkin pie which was lush. Both washed down with two local beers to make up for the disappointment. We then went to this place called Urban Putt which is an indoor miniature golf course inside an old mortuary. It was so much fun! All the holes where really elaborately put together. It was like some sort of Tim Burton theme park. We could drink beer while we went round too which was a total bonus. My highlight was obviously heating Phil. We jumped back on a bus and got off at the right stop this time and then made a last minute decision to jump on a cable car to go up to a restaurant a bit further up the hill there were hardly any queues and it was so relaxing going on when it’s dark and much less crowded. We went to a restaurant called The Stinking Rose which had come recommended but really shouldn’t have because the food was overpriced and overrated. Gutted!Read more

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