Joanna Turner

Joined February 2017
  • Day4


    November 12 in New Zealand

    I woke up at 3:30 and knew within seconds that I was not going to go back to sleep. This was not helped by the realisation that my Revolut card loaded with £1000 was not where I thought it was. Bugger. Cue panicked message to Lucy to go round to the flat and look in a pile of papers and stuff which was the only place I could think it could be. So without my card and being locked out of the app I am completely dependent on Phil for cash like a 1950s housewife. I could get used to it but I think it might wear a bit thin with him. With all my extra insomnia induced time I looked into stuff to do in Auckland which turns out isn’t that much. When Phil surfaced we decided to go to Waiheke, an island just outside of Auckland. We got the boat over (I have a magnet and have now been on a boat so can go home happy!) and started on a trail round the island which blew our little minds straight away. Unfortunately part of the trail was shut off so we had to cross inland where we discovered that it was an error to have not put any sun cream on and the spare jumper and hat I’d packed definitely wouldn’t be necessary. We ended up at Oneroa Beach which was beautiful (I am going to have to find more adjectives soon). We stopped for some food and local wine before heading back to Auckland sipping beers on the top deck of the boat. I then discovered my phone was not working properly which obviously sent me into a panic of epic proportions like the true millennial I am. We tried a few options of how to fix it but no joy. So I am now completely dependent on Phil. Lucky him. After deciding not to see if there were any tickets left to see Deff Leppard who were playing that night we went to meet Lou in Ponsonby and ate loads of delicious Asian food washed down with countless beers.Read more

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  • Day3

    New Zealand

    November 11 in New Zealand

    Day one in Auckland! We arrived mid morning having spent the last 24 hours travelling. I had no idea how I was feeling and seemed incapable of functioning but thankfully was not as tired as I thought I would be thanks to having a spare seat in our row in the long flight from Dubai (thank you Dane Cleaver!) we got the bus into town and then got an Uber to our air bnb which is a cute little annexe in someone’s house not far from one of the main streets in Auckland. We jumped in the shower as we smelled like goat then headed (rather aimlessly) our into the city. The travelling gods were kind to us as we walked past a craft beer place where we had a pint and fish burgers just what we needed. The sun had come out so we decided to go up the Sky Tower to check out the views which were good. Neither of us were making much sense at this point so we decided to head back and try and stay awake until the evening. We lasted 10 minutesRead more

  • Day3


    September 24 in France

    We got up and walked to the station to catch the train to Antibes where I had grand ambitions to recall the times we came down to visit Grandpa and see if saying “sur le cont du papi” worked in any of the beach bars. Turns out he lived in Juan les Pins so it defo wouldn’t have worked. Not to mention it was over 20 years ago. We got on a Ferris wheel in the harbour as an excuse to get our bearings then headed into the old town getting lost in all of the little streets. There’s a Picasso museum in an old chateau next to the sea. It was shut. We stopped for lunch and had our usual cote de Provence rose (with steak for me.....back to meat free when we’re back on British soil) followed by an ice cream. After stuffing ourselves (5:2 will be back in force on our return) we headed to the beach which was sandy so obviously threw us big time. I definitely still have sand in my pants. We took it in turns to have a dip in the quite frankly gorgeous water and just lay on the (sandy!) beach. Absolutely gorgeous afternoon. We then walked around to see a a sculpture La Nomade which unfortunately was covered in scaffolding which ballsed up my intentions of wanky intagram pictures. We got up and finished the beers in the fridge then headed out to a cool restaurant called Les Garçons before calling it a nightRead more

  • Day2

    Art, hills, beaches and bum

    September 23 in France

    We woke up slightly fuzzy headed but nowhere near as hungover as either of us deserved. After a coffee at the apartment we headed out to the museum of modern art which was really good and not too wanky. We stopped for an obligatory Niçoise salad and bottle of Rose before trekking up a huge hill to see ruins of an old castle which we didn’t spend too much time on focussing on the incredible views instead. By this time we were boiling and beginning to smell like goat so decided that we needed to jump in the sea so got ourselves off the hill and into our bathers. Thankfully our apartment is about 2 minutes from the beach (pebbles just like home) so we were there and baring all in no time. The sea was so lovely and blue and not too cold. We chilled on the beach for a bit and watched some Asian girls take selfies for (not even joking) a whole hour. They looked deranged. After another pit stop at the apartment we wandered out to find somewhere to eat which involved getting lost in all the winding streets of the old town. We eventually opted for a bistro where the waiters had tricolour braces but I had creamy (!) risotto so you win some you lose some.Read more

  • Day1


    September 22 in the United Kingdom

    We shouldn’t have booked a 3 night jaunt to the French Riviera so close to our trip to New Zealand but when you can get 2 business class flights for £50 return who can say no? Not us and now I’ve grown accustomed to lounge life I am hooked and will struggle to go back to chicken class when we fly in a couple of months. We got to the BA lounge the minute we were eligible to and made the most of all the booze and food on offer whilst trying to not look too pikey. I reckon I drank 11 glasses of champagne and Phil worked his way through the buffet like the pros we are. Our flight was delayed so we ended up getting a couple more glasses in before staggering to the plane to be met with more booze than you can shake a stick at. The air hostess brought us more wine because we “look like you can drink more” God love her! We got an Uber to the apartment as negotiating public transport was completely out of the window and briefly met the guy who owns the place. Then I appeared to have done a few insta stories of me dancing on the mezzanine then we went out for dinner. I can’t say much more as I don’t remember any of itRead more

  • Day4

    It's business time

    March 26 in Sweden

    We woke up and had our last amazing Hotel Camper breakfast. I stuffed myself with herrings and cheese and waddled back to the room to pack. After checkout by our and getting the bill for all the “put it on the room” times we walked to the station and got the cheaper but longer train to the airport where we headed to the lounge for free booze and food. Phil had surprised me on the way out by telling me he’d upgraded up to business class on the way home which has been something I’ve been looking forward to like a massive twat all weekend. We were eligible for the lounge at the airport so made ourselves comfortable and guzzled as much free wine and food as possible in two hours. I think this is who I am now. Phil has created a monster and I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to chicken class ever again. I managed to neck a fair bit of wine before having to board the plane where we got treated to business class service which meant lots of gin and tonic which I unfortunately knocked over. It was ok. I just got another one. After we’d made the most of our taste of luxury we headed to the tube to rough it with the peasants. It took just as long to get back to Brighton as it did to fly back from Stockholm. The bubble had well and truly burstRead more

  • Day3

    Vasa, hairy pigs and photos

    March 25 in Sweden

    We have ourselves a lie in til 9 before splurging on the hotel breakfast. I’ll have put on a stone just from this but I don’t care. We then walked over to the Vasamuseet. I was in two minds as to whether to go in or not as I wasn’t totally enthralled by it the first time round and it was really long very and sunny but I decided to give it a go. My initial feelings were fairly accurate but it was worth it to see Phils face when he saw the Vasa. Jaw dropped and wide eyed. After wandering around and viewing the ship from all angles we left and headed over to Gamla Stan and got the last seats in the hairy pig deli which had been recommended to us by Ben and Barbie. We ate lush hotdogs and Scandinavian tapas washed down with nice but expensive beer. After that we Wales over to Södermalm and went to Fotografiska which was highly recommended and was really good. There were exhibitions by Ellen Van Unwerth (models,tits and bums) Christian Taglivini (medieval Wes Anderson) and Zanele Muholi (South African lesbian activist with great hair) We had a coffee and cardamom bun (horrible-tasted like washing up liquid) overlooking the water and the most beautiful part of Stockholm before heading back to the hotel bar where we sunk a couple of pints in the rooftop bar and people/skyline watched. I was getting anxious that I hadn’t had any meatballs so at 8:30 we went out to try our luck at finding some. Fortunately a really nice place called Gastrobud (where I’d been before) was open so without dwelling on that too much we went in for herrings and meatballs (my two favourite foods now) before waddling back to our lovely hotel.Read more

  • Day2

    Archipelago and ABBA

    March 24 in Sweden

    We woke up and headed down to breakfast in the hotel which was like nothing either of us have ever seen or eaten. There was everything you could possibly want so obviously I tried to eat it all. I can’t get over how much nicer everything is here. The food, the hotel, the chairs, the people, the bathroom tiles. I have made it my mission to move here. We’d booked onto an archipelago tour at 10:30 so headed to the harbour where it started to snow for about 3 minutes which was pretty. The tour was nice. Nothing special but lovely to be on the water. We all know I love a boat trip! It went right out to the archipelago so we got to see lots of little island and typical Swedish summer houses. I was still kicking myself for oversleeping on our ferry ride 4 years ago as we could have seen all of this from the deck of a huge cruise ship. Never mind. Getting hammered in a Swedish/Finnish cruise disco was worth it. After we finished the boat trip we headed to Djurgården and went straight to the ABBA museum which didn’t disappoint for the second time. I felt totally validated when Phil said he had tears in his eyes in the ABBA montage at the beginning. I managed to swerve from the interactive/mortally embarrassing parts and we left singing ABBA songs like some weird Tourette’s. We then headed to Mikkeller because when in Rome......They had loads of really nice beers on so we had a couple then headed back to the hotel for a chill before walking to Södermalm and Pelikan. I felt a bit weird going back somewhere I’d already been to but I knew it was good so thought why not. We went totally Swedish by ordering meatballs and salmon which were so tasty. Phil had been commenting that he was finding Stockholm a bit too clean and tidy so was pleased when he saw some vomit (predictably) outside a British barRead more

  • Day1


    March 23 in Sweden

    We got up early in Woking and got dropped off by Mum at the station (after she retracted her offer of dropping us off at Heathrow) and quick whiz through security saw us dive into a restaurant for breakfast and an espresso martini. After a nice flight we arrived in Stockholm and found our hotel which is amazing. Very cool and Scandinavian. We checked into our windowless room (not that bad) and then headed out to Gamla Stan for a little wander before heading up to the rooftop pool (thankfully heated) and sat and looked out over the rooftops of Stockholm as the sunset. It was bloody lovely. We decided to eat at the hotel restaurant as we were tired. I had a really tasty bit of halibut and some hotdogs before passing outRead more

  • Day6

    Last day

    November 18, 2017 in the United States

    Up early again but for the last time. We stopped for a bagel then headed to get the bus to the mission which looked much less of a shithole in the sunshine. Knowing where we were going definitely helped too and we jumped off the bus, looked at some graffiti and we’re in Dolores park before we knew it. From there we walked to the Castro and marvelled at how much nicer the shops and cafes were whilst taking pictures of the rainbow walkways. From here we decided to pay homage to the hippies and walked to Haight Ashbury stopping in a vintage shop or two along the way. Randomly this was the only place we didn’t smell any weed while we were here. We realised we were near Golden Gate park so walked back there and went to the Japanese Tea gardens which were lovely. We stopped for a hot dog before jumping on a bus back to market street where we found a bar to kill some time in before heading to the airportRead more

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