Day 57 - You’re Beautiful……………………Really!

At 8am the alarm rang on our final morning in Thailand. We drank copious amounts of instant coffee & water, then showered, packed & headed to reception at 10am.

Our receptionist was waiting with his car & he drove us 2 minutes up the road to International Departures. We arrived 2nd in the Thai Air queue, behind Sue & Larry Hook who are in their 70’s from Dorset. Sue was a Mrs Bouquet character & asked Jackie how long we had been in Thailand for. When Jackie told her 2 months, Sue Bucket said that they had only been away for one month, but quickly added that they normally go away for 3 months & they always go back to the same place in Khao Lak. Sue Bucket then tried to impress us further by listing all the places they had been to in India. I zoned out, but I think Jackie out Asian country’d her.

We had to endure this point scoring for longer than necessary, because the Thai Airways check-in computers had crashed. Eventually we able to check in & we had to show proof of our Passenger Locator Forms & proof that we had been fully vaccinated.

As we went airside, a lesbian security guard who was only about 20 years old, asked Jackie to remove her mask, then gasped “Oh. You’re beautiful”. FFS, I’m not going to hear the end of this!

No-one complimented me on my looks, instead at the search area my rucksack was searched over & over again until they found the unidentified article, my new mini hip flask, a Christmas present from my parents.

The duty free shop was deserted & staff were just starting to re-stock the shelves after probably being closed for the last 2 years. There were no cigarettes on display & the only ones available to buy were Chinese.

We boarded the Thai Airways 777 at 12.30pm & discovered that it was less than a quarter full. This meant that Jackie & I both had a set of three seats to ourselves including a window. It promised to be a good flight.

Shortly after taking taking off, the crew came round with our very satisfactory dinner of chicken curry. Over the next hour or so, Jackie managed to eke 5 glasses of red wine for us each from the crew despite a tannoy message to say that alcohol would only be served with meal service.

Our flight took us out over the Andaman Sea, over the Andaman Islands across the top of India. It was then over Pakistan, north of Karachi & then over Iran, where we were treated to clear skies & fantastic views of the barren mountainous landscape below. Sadly as we approached Tehran, a carpet of thick cloud obscured the view of planet earth.

Around 9.30pm, Phuket time, the crew came out with a 2nd meal which was absolutely farcical. We were offered a choice of shrimp or fish. Jackie chose shrimp, but they only had fish left. She opened up her dinner & immediately put the grey fish, grey rice & grey vegetables to one side.

In the meantime, I had politely explained to the steward that I was fish & seafood intolerant, but I would take the rest of it with a glass of wine. The baffled steward offered me another chicken curry, but I would have to wait 10 minutes for it to cook. Whilst waiting I decided there was nothing else on my tray that I wanted to eat.

10 minutes later my chicken curry arrived & it was as dry as a bone, because it had no doubt been heated up again from the 1st meal service. I nibbled at it, then the crew offered me a vegetarian meal, which looked like Jackie’s fish without the fish.
I declined, then they brought me out some posh bread rolls from down the front of the plane. I took a bread roll, then cheekily asked for some cheese & biscuits. I was presented with a selection that I accepted & shared with Jackie. We also managed to get a total of three glasses of wine each out them.

I should add that I wasn’t the only fussy one, Mrs Bucket had a field day with her complaints. The weirdest thing about it all was that as soon as the crew had cleared in the trays & stopped serving alcohol, they randomly handed out to each of us a triple chicken sandwich. I couldn’t even contemplate attempting to eat it, but Jackie had a good go.

The evening sunset was quite spectacular as we skirted the southern shores of the Black Sea. The sun sank down into darkness as our journey continued across Romania, Hungary, Austria, Germany, Belgium & finally good old Blighty. Our 13 and a half hour flight landed at Heathrow at 7.45pm. A long flight, but made so much easier when you can stretch your legs out over three seats!

Getting through the arrivals procedures at an empty Heathrow was an absolute doddle. The immigration process allowed us to go straight through the E-reader booths & there were no requests to produce our Passenger Locator Forms. Our luggage came out with minutes & there were no customs to stop us.

As a result we were able to catch an earlier National Express than planned, giving me the opportunity to watch the FA cup football on my IPad & the disappointing penalty shootout at home, which was lovely & warm thanks to our neighbour, Emma.

Song of the Day: You’re Beautiful by James Blunt.
Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver.
Planet Earth by Duran Duran.Read more