Day 34 - Sunglasses Don’t Float

When we got up we surveyed the damage to our belongings after the pig fiasco earlier that morning. Our pots and pans were skew-whiff and our plastic bottle of baby oil was on the floor with a big crack in it.

We had made a resolution to ensure we ate more and drank a lot more water. We started the morning by boiling some eggs. I then went to the camp shop and bought a baguette (when in Rome!) for a breakfast of bacon rolls. We were feeling better already.

We caught up on the inevitable, but still depressing news that Labour are expected to win the General Election with a landslide victory, meaning Starmer will be kicking Rishi’s Ridiculous Rwanda flights plan into touch hence ensuring that I won’t be going back to a new job any time soon if at all. Annoyingly we didn’t even get a chance to vote before heading off on this trip.

Soon after we were heading back to the beach. We stopped at our shop and bought 2 large bottles of water to keep us hydrated. We stopped in our usual place directly in front of Brian and Jena’s gate to their villa. We are not subtle.

Around lunchtime, our American cousins arrived on the beach with their 3 children and the nanny. They plonked their shoes and hats down beside us. Jena informed us that they were going wine tasting that afternoon. With that they disappeared into the sea with their 2 paddle boards. We were cursing our luck, because there would be no chance of getting an opportunity to have a go on their boards.

An hour later they departed the beach leaving Brian to collect up all their discarded belongings. His last thing to pick up was their 2nd paddle board. As he struggled past us, I said “Goodbye, enjoy your wine tasting”. This was a stroke of genius, because it gave him the opportunity to lighten his load which he accepted by asking me if I still wanted to have a go on the board. Of course, I accepted and we agreed that I would take it up to the beach house when we were done.

We waited until they were well out of sight, then Jackie and I took to the water imagining that we would soon be standing up on it almost immediately and paddling along the coast. The reality was very different!!

Jackie had fallen off in less than 15 seconds, before I had even got on it, and lost her sunglasses off the top of her head. I was slightly irritated because I had told her not to take them into the sea. We eventually managed to both get on the board and tentatively I paddled along sat on the back with Jackie in front. After 30 minutes or so of cruising, or more accurately of wobbling, I got off to allow Jackie the opportunity to stand up on it. Well, she managed to just about stand up for a split second (caught on camera) before crashing into the sea with an almighty splash. Her bikini was everywhere other than where it should be (also caught on camera but too explicit for this blog).

I then proceeded to show her how it was done. I elegantly got to a kneeling position then put one foot flat on the board and inelegantly toppled over into the water. We pushed the board towards shore, where I accidentally tripped up, knocking Jackie over in the process. We floundered in the shallows like a couple of beached whales, whilst I still had the board tethered to my ankle.

Luckily for us there were only dozens of sunbathers watching us with a grandstand view of our calamitous performance. Too embarrassed to continue, we hauled the board back to our spot on the beach, where I discovered that I had also lost my sunglasses!!

I walked up and down the beach numerous times during the afternoon and managed to find Jackie’s sunglasses, someone had kindly rescued, but mine were lost forever.

I intended to have another go on the paddle board later on. It didn’t happen, because Jackie used it as a sun bed for the afternoon, then Jena unexpectedly showed up about 5pm and ‘helpfully’ insisted on taking the board up back up to the beach house.

We stayed on the beach until gone 6pm, then returned to camp, whereupon Jackie cut my hair, then made a delicious Caesar Salad with roast chicken. After watching the embarrassing tribute to Andy Murray after he lost the doubles in the 1st round with his brother, we retired to bed.

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