The Sorrento Death March

We were excited about walking into Sorrento again today to complete some unfinished business. I wanted to visit a wonderful furniture store that has some of the most beautiful inlaid marquetry I have ever seen. Secondly, we wanted to have lunch at a little sidewalk snack bar we enjoyed when we were here last. Thirdly, we wanted to show our friend Mary the deep road cut the Romans made with slaves captured in their many wars. Fourthly, I wanted to re-take a photograph of Glenda I muffed when I was here last. It was in the courtyard of a church, and I was just beginning to learn photography, and it was bright out in the courtyard and so Glenda’s face was underexposed.
So I pulled out the maps app and it got us the six tenths of a mile into town quickly and dumped us right at the door of the snack bar. Cool. We went to the furniture store as expected.
Check.
We showed Mary the furniture store.
Check.
We showed her the Roman road cut and took a photo.
Check.
We walked over to the church and I re- took the photograph.
Check.

And then I pulled out my maps app and set it to take us back to the hotel. It began by taking us down a flight of stairs that went down at least 1000 feet below the water level of the bay. Mary was panting. Then we had to climb up another inclined roadway which has not been used since Caligula drove his herd of donkeys to market on the same path in the dying days of the Roman Empire. It rose, and rose, and rose until we could see Capri, and Ischia, and Vesuvius, and Rome and even Biloxi.
Mary does have a little hitch in her git-a-long, so I wasn’t surprised when she asked, “Any more stairs?”
“Naw, don’t worry about it,” I said. “This app is great. It shows the quickest way back. Look, you can even see the hotel from here,” I told her.
“Yes, but it is on the other side of Mount Vesuvius,” she said.
“Uh—it’s not as far as it looks,” I said.
“Where’s Glenda,” Mary asked.
“Oh, crap!” I said. We had already been walking over an hour and a half, and we had lost Glenda. I was frantic. Mary was quickly running out of gas and I had lost my wife in a foreign city. In a few minutes Glenda appeared up ahead of us. “Where have you been?” I yelled.
“I’ve been up ahead asking for directions.”
“You’ve been doing WHAT!”
“It’s not a sin,” she said.
“It ought to be,” I said.
She said, “I’m getting us back up to the main road and Mary and I will catch a cab. You want to come?”
“No way,” I said. “I got this map app . . .”
“Suit yourself,” she said. “Mary and I are taking a cab.”
So they did. And I walked back to the hotel. And when I arrived Glenda and Mary were there waiting for me.

So now Glenda is gloating because for the first time in our married life SHE figured out how to get us home. She is ecstatic because SHE got the right directions before I did. SHE is laughing at me because I took them over four miles when we only had to walk six tenths of a mile. Well, all I have to say is that map app is really cool. I think it’s great cause at least with it a guy doesn’t have to ask for directions.Read more