I clearly hate myself

So I may or may not have just cried over my own story.

I've mentioned it a few times, particularly recently as it is NaNoWriMo. But I write, very badly and with little success. As mum knows well from the amount of times I have spoken about something religiously for like a week and then never mentioned it again. I have never once finished a story, always abandoning them cause I got bored, they were taking too long or i ended up writing the entire thing in my head and never on paper.

Today I finished my story. And I cried. Not because I finished it, no relief would have been a better reason for such ugly crying. No instead I cried over the end. I was writing it, crying.

So now I have a complete story with an ending I hate and love. I change a bunch of things half way through it, so it needs serious editing but the plot is down. Except the ending. I have that but I hate it.

I am a lover of romance and fantasy, and I dislike sad endings. So what did I do? I wrote a sad ending.

I have no clue what I am going to do tomorrow. I will probably end up writing a different, happy ending. As I have a plan for a happy ending I just chose not to write that.

So other than that, my days been great.

This last week has been difficult, lots of ups and downs. But I feel a little better today. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better again still. My cold was worse this morning but is ok now sl that's nice. And it was overcast and drizzly all day so it was only about 27° out which makes such a difference when it's been 30°+ all week.

Who knows what will happen tomorow, I don't have a plan for it. But I feel as though I will be woken up at some point tonight. My roommate was supposed to arrive at 2pm today, which was 7hrs ago. I have no clue what happened so that isnt helping my anxiety over a stranger moving in all that much. But meh. Today has been an emotional roller coaster.Okumaya devam et