NüfNüf Go Round

Slow day, today, and I was absolutely fine with that.

In the morning, I decided to check out of the hostel one night early due to the abysmal state of the accommodation.

Normally, this might not be a pleasant exchange, but a fairly straightforward one. I’ve done it before.

However, I’ve become aware of a phenomenon that I had noticed before but wasn’t able to put into words until now: saving face.

Saving face describes behaviour that is defined by trying your best to uphold the pretense of being infallible when you’re at risk of being regarded as being in the wrong or having made a mistake - and are confronted with that.

So, assume someone asks you for directions to the post office. You don’t know the answer.

Most likely, you’re going to do one of two things, or even both:

- You’re going to say, “Sorry, but I don’t know / can’t help,” and move on.
- You get out your phone, open Google Maps, try to find the directions to the post office, and tell the person about it.

In contrast to that, a person in Laos would do this:

They’d look at you abashedly, smile shyly, and then either stay transfixed in that state OR give you half-hearted directions to somewhere random that will not lead you to the post office.

Those bashful smiles and lack of answers admittedly drove me nuts. Because instead of getting an answer that gives you clarity or that might help you, you’re caught in a weird, awkward situation which will not end productively.

Case in point: a few days ago, when I was out looking for a new luggage scale.

I had found one and asked the cashier about whether the batteries were included or not, since I couldn’t tell (nothing on the package was in English).

She looked at it and just stared at me, smiled, shook her head slightly, shrugged her arms a little.

Yes, there is a language barrier. BUT, Google Translate takes that away - to some extent.
The reaction was still the same.

I kept wondering why no one ever said, “I don’t know, sorry,” or why they weren’t proactive about finding something out.

Instead, they are rendered motionless, almost, caught in that embarrassment, unable to get out of it, relying on you to play things down, to leave, or anything else that “eases” their burden that you “inflicted”.

Saving face has deep cultural roots in Laos (also in South Korea and Japan, but we’ll get back to that later).

Lao people put strong emphasis on social harmony. They don’t allow mistakes or criticism to get in the way of that.

For example, if a Laotian were criticised at a workplace, there’s a high chance they’d quit - out of embarrassment.

That’s what they want to avoid by being extremely careful about criticising someone. They’d rather give subtle hints if it can’t be helped, or if it’s very urgent, they’ll use a middleman to relay a message so the work relationship between two people isn’t disturbed.

Admitting wrongdoing, talking loudly, losing composure is seen as a failure - losing face. People who do that suffer severe social consequences. They’ll be gossiped about, glanced at judgily, excluded.

Therefore, if the slightest chance occurs that a conflict may arise because of their wrongdoing, they automatically enter into a freeze response as a survival mechanism because the social toll is so high for them.

Having figured this out explained quite a few situations in retrospect.

It’s something I wished I had known before I came to Laos.

I’m currently in a state where travel fatigue hits hard - adapting to different people, customs, languages, entry requirements, methods of transportation, etc.
It’s wearisome at the moment.

So, when stuff goes south - as it does sometimes - it’s just nice to resolve issues efficiently and to move on.

However, with saving face on the radar, this is just a really unnecessary, large obstacle.
Not only is there no logic to it, but it puts you in a weird situation where you have to accommodate someone else, even though they are responsible for an issue.
When I went ziplining and my harness was too small, which I mentioned straightforwardly? Apparently, that was wrong. And that was why the tour guide got angry.
I was kind about it. No reason not to be. I mean, it really isn’t a big deal to me when that happens; it’s easy to fix.

However, by mentioning that, I “exposed my guide’s mistake/incompetence” in front of his colleagues.

Sorry, but that’s just wild. Especially considering that this is an activity that has an inherent risk of injury/accident.

That made me think: What about the medical sector? Dealing with patients, treatments, different options, etc.? That’s got to be a minefield for “saving face”.

I looked into it, and yes, it’s problematic. Doctors can make mistakes, but people will be incredibly careful to leave the doctor’s dignity unquestioned. Patients who need consultations will avoid asking questions and often end up not understanding procedures/prospects, etc.

As mentioned before, Japan and South Korea have the face-saving phenomenon as well. However, they have high standards and operate within the frames of guidelines, progress, and meritocracy. They also highly value education.

An aside: literacy in Laos is at 88%, which is yet another obstacle in communication. Add to that nepotism as a reason to hire someone, not merit, experience, or qualifications (at least in the tourism sectors where I could witness it) - that makes efficiency take a hard hit.

That was a long excursion.

Let’s get back to the beginning.

I needed to cite the reason for the hostel being in a dissatisfactory state that didn’t align with my comfort.

I consulted AI as to how to approach this properly. It said to use Google Translate and go through my points in little snippets, bit by bit, using very simple language and describing more than normally necessary for Western standards. Furthermore, I needed to play down the issue at hand to a small problem I had. And then pretty much lie my ass off:

“Excuse me. I’m sorry to bother you. I have a little problem.”

“I’m having allergies that are triggered in this environment.”

“That’s why I cannot stay here for another night, unfortunately.”

“Would it be possible to please receive a refund for the unused night?”

I went with the script. It worked so far. No losing face.

However, they said “no” to the refund.

“In this case, I will need to contact the customer service of my booking platform and explain the situation to them with some photos I took. Maybe we can work it out before I do that?”

Suddenly, the reception lady was a little more receptive.

She offered me another accommodation under the same brand name. I researched it, and the reviews showed the exact same issue.

“Thank you, I appreciate your suggestion. I think, however, that my allergies will still be triggered in that environment.”

She suggested then to talk to her boss, which I declined kindly, stating that bypassing that by talking to the customer service would be more convenient.

So, there we have it. It worked (alternatively, AI suggested stating I got bad news as a reason to check out early…). I got to check out and went to another hostel (I’m happy with that choice).

I will mention, though, that I had to talk to Agoda for 1.5 hours and received abysmal “service” from their side (ultimately, it was indeed resolved).

In conclusion (about time), I cannot condone the practice that is saving face.

I’m aware it’s a cultural norm they grew up with, for generations, and that the repercussions for them are very real.

Yet, it’s an absolute pain and a hindrance to make it work, and it thoroughly frustrates me. You just can’t rely on anyone because of that, and it makes people seem inherently inauthentic and insincere.

I think this has negatively impacted my impression of Laos altogether. It’s become the biggest daily struggle when I had to rely on other people’s help to some extent. While I understand the concept and situations better now, I simply don’t subscribe to it.
Laos is a country I was still glad to visit. It enriched my experience and the volume of my backpack with regards to travel goodies.

My favourite parts were, for one, the river cruise, which I’ve loved a lot - a travel highlight for sure.

And secondly, Luang Prabang was a pleasant surprise as well, with its night market and countless talented locals and their displays of art, handcraft, or other products.
Lastly, the overall raw, mountainous, lush and green nature, as well as a place lesser frequented by tourists, are definite positives!Leia mais