- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Wednesday, July 8, 2015 at 9:25 PM
- 🌙 20 °C
- Altitude: 386 m
EcuadorRío Misahuallí1°2’4” S 77°40’3” W
Atlanta to Quito - 6 July 2015

Jaime made friends with Lauren (from Raleigh) while we sat in the airport. This officially starts the period where Jaime introduces herself to various individuals. Keith sat next to Glenda and, taking a page from the Jaime Parker playboook, made fast friends. Jaime and Keith watched Get Hard, and then laughed as 70 year old Glenda watched it too. She had just celebrated her 70th birthday and 50th wedding anniversary. She was with Bob who talked too much, but was super helpful. Keith's seat didn't recline and his stereo was broken. Jaime was very sweet and allowed him to share headphones. We then got a cab from the airport and almost ran into the back of a parked truck on the highway. We crashed when we finally made it to our hostel.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 3
- Saturday, July 11, 2015 at 4:51 AM
- 🌙 20 °C
- Altitude: Sea level
South Pacific Ocean0°28’33” S 89°19’16” W
Quito to Tena - 7 July 2015

We woke up and had a delicious breakfast 2 eggs sunny side up over home fries with rosemary and pesto and a big bowl of fruit....for only $5 total. Jaime made multiple friends including Kate (Aussie from Melbourne). Went to see Pope Francis in Quito along with a million of our closest Ecuadorian friends. Keith got his pocket picked because he didn't listen to Jaime. He is slowly but surely learning this is inappropriate. Luckily, the only thing taken was a map and copies of their passports. Jaime was very sweet to Keith even though he was an idiot and didn't listen. While typing this, Jaime thought it dumb that Keith used the 3rd person. Keith stated that Jaime was more than welcome to take in the blogging responsibilities....she declined.
As they were walking to see the Pope, they tried some street food. One dish was tortilla...and it was delicious. It had aji in it. Aji is Ecuadorian hot sauce and Jaime loves it. We also tried a raw bean soup concoction, a grilled plantain with cheese and another potato soup with avocado and egg. It also had a mysterious substance which Jaime tried hesitantly. When informed by Keith it was hog fat, Jaime took the opportunity to spit it out on Keith's foot. We decided to take a bus to Tena. Tena is a gateway town to the jungle/Ecuadorian Amazon.
It ended up being a 5 hour bus ride/roller coaster. The main highlight of the bus ride was when Jaime found a nest of beetles above her head. This was hilarious as she continued to shine Keith's flashlight at them in the middle of the night. She consistently wanted Keith to knock them onto other people even though they were minding their own business and not affecting Jaime in the least.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 3
- Saturday, July 11, 2015 at 4:53 AM
- ⛅ 27 °C
- Altitude: Sea level
South Pacific Ocean0°29’17” S 89°30’38” W
Tena to M-word to Quito - 8, 9 July 2015

In Tena. Alarm accidently goes off 2 hours early. Its pouring outside. No hot water. Keith wakes up as a "grumpy muffin". Jaime insists Keith try his Spanish and tutors him on how to ask if there is any hot water. She then follows him out to make sure he doesn't eff this simple task up. She is currently frustrated she is the main communicator. Jaime also killed a bug herself. We keep forgetting to take thr malaria medicine.
We found a delicious breakfast place with a massive plate of food for $3. Keith was no longer in a bad mood. He was elated and felt this type of establishment was made for him. Jaime decided to stare at others people's food and suffered food envy. This is a common occurrence. As previously stated, Jaime found her spice soul mate in aji, an Ecuadorian hot sauce.
It was a pleasant bus ride to M-word but it was pouring at end. Jaime and Keith sat under an awning with Gaylen, a San Francisco guy about to go to Berkeley. He looked liked he would fit in there. Nice guy though.
We stayed at Hostel de Paisano, which was really nice. We shopped around for a tour and decided (after talking to too many people) that they were too expensive and that Jaime's knowledge of what she wanted would carry the day. We ended up taking a cab to a boat ramp, then a motorized canoe to the wildlife refuge to see native animals and walk in the Amazon. The German tour guide became annoyed at some of the other humans on the tour, but when it was explained to him that they were teenage New Yorkers and that they are bad humans in general, all was well. We bonded with other Germans on the trip and a fun time was had by all. The highlight of the tour was when Jaime stepped on a bird. The bird was following the group and Jaime thought the bird would look better under the sole of her shoe. The bird did not appreciate this and Jaime promptly removed her shoe from the bird when the gasps from the other tourists became noticeable. The bird later pecked Jaime's toe in retaliation. Jaime allowed it to happen as her normally undeveloped conscious took a giant leap forward.
The return from the refuge saw our pair of heroes brave whitewater rapids and a bored driver. Good times. After a celebratory beer, we returned via taxi to M-word. In the room, Jaime downloaded multiple blog apps to Keith's phone and informed him that he was the witty one and that he should be the one to document the trip. Keith was unable to dispute this logic. Another highlight involved a flatulence barrier being dissolved. Prudence dictates that we not mention the offending party, but just know she was really embarrassed and super cute. Keith thought the whole thing hilarious. On to other news. Dinner of pan fried chicken and mushroom chicken was promptly devoured. Multiple beers were also consumed, including two overpriced artisan beers and two large Ecuadorian beers. All were delicious. The decision to return from the jungle was also made....
We woke up in M-word and tried to book our tickets to the Galapagos. Jaime almost had a nervous breakdown when the website would not process the payment. When we started, there were 5 tickets available. When the payment didn't go through, there were 3 tickets available. Shockingly enough, the payment didn't go through again. We tried one more time, but the airline had sold out of tickets. This is when the large group of Baptist missionaries that were staying in our hostel became alerted to our presence. They apparently came to the jungle to save the Indians, but the words that came out of Jaime's mouth had then reconsidering who actually needed saving.
Luckily, the owner of the hostel, Hostel el Paisano, was awesome and informed us that the website did the same thing to her the day before. She then assisted us with calling the airline. Turns out we had reserved all of the remaining tickets to the Galapagos.
After a delicious, but small breakfast of fruit and pancakes, we took the bus back to Tena. While searching for Avocados and a mask in Tena, and immediately before boarding their bus back to Quito, Keith thought it a good idea to place his right foot in a puddle of water. The look and smell of the puddle assures the viewer that at least 3 strains of hepatitis are present. Jaime thought the whole incident amusing. It is becoming increasingly clear she revels in Keith's misfortune.
Luckily for Keith, Jaime's bladder thought the trip to Quito should have been shorter. It turns out karma is on Team Keith.
The bus ride itself was eventful....at least for Keith as Jaime slept a portion of the time. At one point Keith handed a leftover airplane brownie to a girl with severe burn scars. The little girl snatched it from his hand with a quickness. The snatching was border line violent. Apparently she didn't want Keith to change his mind. Keith gave another to her brother. Both children said gracias; however, neither were willing to habla with Keith. The fact that they wouldn't habla was upsetting to Keith and Jaime. They wouldn't even smile. Children here don't smile. It's different. Jaime also found great joy in Keith use of "ha-bla"...
At one point Keith bought popcorn on the bus and proceeded to eat it with a ferver that bothered Jaime's sense of decorum. If Jaime was ever physically attracted to Keith, the popcorn inhalation put an end to it.
At one point during the popcorn inhalation Jaime came under the impression that Keith would save himself before her in the event of the bus sliding off the cliffs. While this possibility seems far fetched, there were multiple mudslides on the route and the route had just been reopened after several weeks of being closed.
There was also a debate over whether a mountain in the distance had snow on it. Jaime said it was a volcano. Keith said that fact was irrelevant to whether there was snow. Turns out, it was a volcano and it was snow.
We found a hostel near the airport and a restaurant right next door. We mixed the rest of our Avocados and aji that Jaime had purchased in Tena with our chicken, beans, and rice. Jaime also added another 3 bowls of aji to hers as she is currently infatuated with it. Turns out there was even a discussion of it taking the place of siracha in her heart. Keith does not believe such talk. The meal cost $9. Got back to the room and realized there was a hole in the floor.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 6
- Tuesday, July 14, 2015 at 8:47 PM
- 🌙 24 °C
- Altitude: 4 m
EcuadorPuerto Ayora0°44’48” S 90°18’46” W
Galapagos Islands - 10 to 16 July 2015

**Jaime's DISCLAIMER** vacation Keith wrote this over the span of a few days and after the consumption of various alcoholic beverages. He justifies the scattered thoughts with "I am not being paid nor being graded so I will put forth no more effort"...grumpy muffin Keith appears to be back.
We landed in the Galapagos and had to take 2 buses and a ferry to get to Puerto Ayora on Santa Cruz. At the bus stop we walked across the street to a tour company that got us a good deal on a cruise that was leaving later that day. We also got a day cruise for our last day in the island....but there will be more on that later.
We took a taxi back up to the ferry by the airport and got to stop and see giant tortoises, lava tunnels and scenic craters along the way. All were really cool. At the ferry we saw Bob, Glenda and crew (the same group on our Atlanta to Quito flight). We caught up with them and traded stories and pics of our adventures. Once our boat arrived, we found out we would be joining other friends we'd made. We met up with the Californian's we met standing in line at the Quito airport. It was a joyous reunion as Jaime was really happy she could talk to her nursing mentor. (Not sure this was included in a previous blog....oh well.)
It was super hot below deck on the boat and our 'stateroom' could only be described as a small closet with two shelves and a leaky bucket for a toilet. Only one could stand at a time, which meant only one could work/pack/unpack. It was frustrating at times, but we made it work. We weren't there often as we spent most of the time on the top deck. One night we got a little queasy as the seas were rough.
The first day, we went walking on a lava field in Sullivan's bay. The lava formed 160 years ago and the guide really put the history of the island formation in context. We took a lot of pics went snorkeling afterwards. The visibility wasn't awesome, but it was definitely a fun experience. We were able to go snorkeling again after lunch and then we hiked up Bartolome (sp?). We saw great views and took more pics. We saw a lone penguin and multiple sea lions. Also saw cool fish while snorkeling and cool birds, snakes, iguanas and cacti. We came back to boat and polished off a bottle of wine with dinner and while traveling to our next stop. The stars were unreal.
Overall, our 4 day trip was awesome. We toured around the islands and saw native plants and animals. We saw white tipped reef sharks and at one point Jaime and Keith stuck their heads in an underwater cave and saw a big shark. It was at this point they surfaced with a quickness. They also swam with sea lions in murky water. It was a little unnerving to see them dart in and out of view.
Food on the cruise was good for the most part, but there could have been more. Jaime and Keith served as the garbage disposal for the rest of the passengers, routinely finishing other people's food.
The animals weren't afraid of people and we got extremely close. We saw boobies, hawks, pelicans, various other birds, iguanas, fur seals, sea lions, sharks, rays, sea snakes, tortoises, sea turtles, various fish, and much more.
We toured Santa Cruz, James island (Isle Santiago), and did a day trip to San Cristobal on the last day even though we tried to get out of it since we kind of had enough time on a boat.
Most people don't take credit cards in the Galapagos, and we didn't have enough cash since you can only take so much out at a time. We had to leave Jaime's passport with the tour agency and we paid the rest when we got back.
The other humans on the boat included Israelis, Germans, a Scandanavian couple with their 3 year old, and another American couple with their 12 year old daughter (the people we met in line in Quito.)
We shopped around Puerto Ayora for a mask for Jaime and an affordable tortoise for Keith. Jaime's awesome negotiation skills in Spanish got us better deals.
We also did laundry as Keith's dirty laundry was incredibly offensive to Jaime.
The day after our cruise, we did the day cruise down to San Cristobal. It was an awful decision. We took a 2 hour boat ride in rough seas. We sat in the back of the boat so as not to get seasick, and got drenched. Once we landed, we were met by the tour operator who gave us our snorkel gear...sans wet suit. Everyone else got a wetsuit, but not us. The water was a lot colder there than on our previous excursions. We were supposed to see sharks, but the location served as a better dive site and we couldn't really sea much. We did see sea lion and a couple turtles, but we couldn't see the bottom so it left a lot to be desired. Afterwards they took us to a beach with a bunch of biting horseflies. It was at this point that we were over it. After a carb heavy lunch, we went back to the port and walked around for 10 minutes before getting back on our 2 hour boat ride in rough seas. It was a better ride and at one point, Keith had Jaime on one shoulder and a tired Ecuadorian on the other. All in all, it was not how we wanted to end the trip. The day was not a total loss. We had a lovely lobster in coconut sauce dinner in the middle of a closed off street. Excellent all around. We also sat with a German gentleman because there was no space. His name was Benjamin and at first Keith did not want to sit with him and Jaime did. As dinner wore on, Jaime was ready for him to leave and Keith had a good time talking with him.
Early the next morning, we headed to the airport to fly to Guayaquil, Ecuador in the hopes of catching a bus to Peru.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 9
- Friday, July 17, 2015 at 11:14 PM
- ⛅ 19 °C
- Altitude: 26 m
PeruChiclayo International Airport6°46’38” S 79°49’45” W
Guayaquil to Chiclayo - 16 July 2015

Keith had a rough night so I volunteered to write the blog today...really it's because I knew it would be short and I wouldn't have to expend too much effort. So we arrived in Guayaquil around noon and took a short taxi ride over to the bus station to sort out our bus to Chiclayo. After a painful run in with nearly every bus company in Ecuador we finally found a company that would take us to Peru. Once our tickets were figured out we decided we did not have enough time to go exploring so we used our day to catch up on emails and obligations in the bus stations Internet cafe .
We spent the day bouncing back and forth from the super mercado (grocery store) to the Internet cafe so of course by the time we got on the bus Keith's nerves were shot and he was what I like to call a "grumpy muffin."
While waiting for our bus to depart I watched a man who appeared to be having a heart attack clean his ears out with a small item and then proceed to clean his teeth with the same small item... I of course was disgusted and was describing play by play actions to Keith who did not seem to share the same fascination I did of this unsanitary/gross individual. We headed out to Chiclayo around 1030pm and with the help of a sleeping pill I was out... Keith on the other hand could not sleep... so naturally I had the privilege of hearing all about it when I woke up two hours outside of Chiclayo. Keith then made the mistake of using the bus restroom where when he flushed, the toilet had the opposite effect and urine (probably of all Chiclayo bus attendees ) sprayed up all over Keith. So Keith at that point was treated as a leper until we arrived in Chiclayo and got a hostel for him to shower.
We made the most of our day in Chiclayo and walked the city visiting the parks and local markets. We had a lovely dinner at a restaurant we inadvertently stumbled upon. It was probably one of the better meals we have had so far and in total only cost us about 15 usd. We are now at the airport waiting for our flight to Cusco and Keith is actively stressing because he thinks our flight is late and can't understand the messages over the intercom. Looks like it may be another night of "grumpy muffin Keith"....I miss "vacation Keith!!"
Keith rebuttal: I miss vacation Keith as well. I'm pretty sure he will make another appearance as soon as vacation Jaime allows him the opportunity to get some sleep. Currently, vacation Jaime is fascinated with tickling Keith's ears while he tries to rest.
It would also be nice if Keith could sleep anywhere or anytime he wants. Unfortunately for him, only Jaime has this ability on this trip. She has fallen asleep in rough seas on a speed boat and she was able to sleep on multiple bus rides. Did the rough seas wake Jaime up?? Nope. One bus ride slung passengers in and out of their seats as it made its way through treacherous turns in the Andes...did it wake Jaime up?? Nope. The last bus ride found every pot hole on the road from Guayaquil to Chiclayo. It also had a screaming baby and a coughing Jaime Parker. It also played a kung fu movie that threatened to blow the speakers and permanently damage Keith's already fragile hearing...(and yes, ear plugs were in and an ambien was taken). Did any of these things wake Jaime up?? Nope. What was Keith doing at this point you ask?? Well, he wasn't tickling Jaime's ear....I can tell you that much. In fact, he was doing everything he could think of to make her slumber more peaceful and restful...but this is mainly because tired Jaime is the western hemispheres nightmare. Keith should be sleeping right now instead of typing this, but he has to wait till Jaime falls asleep first. Good thing that won't take long.
As an aside, Keith wasn't going to mention that we actually went to the supermarket on 3 separate occasions or that we went to the Internet cafe on 4 separate occasions. Keith also didn't want to talk about how hot and humid it was in each of the locales where Jaime decided to spend her time (that really means Keith's time as Jaime is not a fan of Keith doing anything other than what she needs). Oh look who's sleeping again....shocking. Also, I would respectfully request we keep the explosion-in-the-bus-toilet convos to a minimum. It was a traumatic experience and since I probably already have hepatitis from stepping in the puddle, I have no doubt I have a few other things now as well. Also, she really did treat me like a leper. No exaggeration there.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 12
- Monday, July 20, 2015 at 2:36 PM
- 🌙 4 °C
- Altitude: 2,180 m
PeruAguas Calientes13°9’17” S 72°31’39” W
Cusco and Machu Picchu - 18 to 21 July

So picking up where we left off....
We flew out of Chiclayo at around 11 ish at night and landed in Lima around 1230 in the morning. We immediately tried to find a place to sleep in the airport as our flight to Cusco didn't leave till 630. We found a 'quiet' spot where we could stretch out and immediately Jaime was asleep. For people who have read previous posts, this is not surprising. Unfortunately for Keith, shortly after we laid down, a Peruvian construction worker thought it would be appropriate to start up his rip saw...that lasted a few hours. Shockingly, Jaime slept through the whole thing and had no recollection....
So we land in Cusco with a couple things on our to-do list. First and foremost, we needed a hostel. Second, we needed a tour/plan/way to get to Machu Picchu. So we get online in a coffee shop in the airport and find a hostel with a room. Unfortunately, once we got there, they told us they didn't have a room...for the uniformed, the elevation in Cusco is ridiculous and you get out of breath just by walking up a flight of stairs....oh, and the whole town has steps. It's crazy....so after the first hostel, Jaime decided that she would wait where she was and allow Keith the privilege of finding a good substitute...which he did...after about 30 minutes....most of that time was spent catching his breath.
Now that we had our hostel, we then needed to figure out how to get to Machu Picchu....it is as this point in the story that I need to take a detour...
So...there's no polite way to say this, but due to unanticipated consequences in the past, Keith may or may not have a general idea of when certain hormonal changes take place with an unnamed travel companion. With this in mind, Keith knew that the Cusco/Machu Picchu portion of the trip was fraught with peril....this was why he advocated for paying more for a tour that would take care of all the details...it would cut down on stress and make everything 'much easier' (this is what we call foreshadowing)...
So we go to the tour agency and get a tour that included transportation, hike, hostel, 3 meals, tix to Machu Picchu and a guide. What could go wrong right???? Well, allow me to tell you....
Another flawless segue first....
Hormones, much like the struggle, are real. They exist....and they truly are unexplainable....and as a dude that mainly grew up in a household of dudes, Keith was unequipped in these circumstances...
Ok, here we go...so we wake up early the morning of the 19th so we can catch a 7 hour bus ride to the Hydroelectric Station, so we can hike the 12 km to Agua Caliente, the town at the base of Machu Picchu. Jaime now refers to this drive as her 'hell/nightmare'. Jaime was already tired because Keith, as perfect as he usually is, set the alarm for an hour too early.....which led to Jaime not getting sufficient rest. It was at this point, Keith should have realized that the day would be a long one (this is what we call an understatement)...
So I'm just going to hit the high points and move on...mainly because I'm not entirely sure we're allowed to laugh about this yet....
So according to Jaime, the driver drove too fast for the road and almost killed us, the hike from the hydroelectric station was too long and Keith either walked too fast or too slow, Keith also did not property pay attention to what Jaime was saying because in spite of the fact that we were able to hike along a beautiful river in the beautiful Andes mountains on the way to Machu Picchu, whatever Jaime was talking about way more important than whatever Keith wanted to see. Once we arrived in the town, we were given a room that directly conflicted with what the tour agency told us (and then told we didn't have a choice), the room had no toilet paper, and in a town named 'Hot Water'...there was none. Keith was also negligent in not fixing all of the above complaints in a timely manner. Not only that, but Jaime received some bad news from home and tears joined the mix. All in all, it was what the Army calls 'an opportunity to excel'...Sadly, Keith did not excel on that day....
But friends and family....20 July was a new day. We woke up, hopped on a bus and 20 minutes later we were at Machu Picchu. It really was a cool day. We explored the ruins and walked out to the Sun Gate. All told, we walked uphill most of the day and saw some great views. We also took hundreds of pics. Some of which we'll try to share.
We decided to ditch the tour guide pretty early on because he liked to ask rhetorical questions and wait 30 seconds for an answer. We also had a train to catch and didn't have time for such nonsense. Well, that was Keith's reason. By the time that decision was made, Jaime had already wandered off multiple times. She apparently isn't a fan of telling Keith where she is going, but Keith had quickly learned that he can find her gushing over the nearest animal. In this case, they were alpacas...(think llamas)...on one occasion, Keith actually wishes he had taken a pic of Jaime when he found her, it would probably been the best pic of the day. She was so happy that she got to touch the animals...it's weird, we flew thousands of miles to a place thousands of years old and all Jaime wanted was a petting zoo. Keith's nerves didn't understand this at all...especially since he is aware of multiple petting zoos back in the states.
So after we were done, we hopped on a train back to the Hydroelectric Station where we could get another bus/glorified van back to Cusco. The return trip was not as terrifying for Jaime, but it was equally uncomfortable as she couldn't sleep. She also made sure Keith was aware of her discomfort...these notifications were frequent.
We spent the next day recovering and in the Internet cafe trying to figure out how we would deal with the real world once we returned to it...we also tweaked our trip plans a little.
At one point, Keith grew tired of sitting in the Internet cafe and had to visit the bano...he sets off with Jaime on the computer. Apparently, Peruvians treat dudes who are by themselves differently than when they are accompanied. In this case, in a span of 5 minutes, Keith was offered marijuana, cocaine, and a 'happy ending'. Jaime was amused by this information and wanted to embarrass Keith by inquiring about the details....luckily for all parties, this discussion never took place.
Keith and Jaime made plans to head to Puno and Lake Titicaca the next day...more information on how that goes later....Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 16
- Friday, July 24, 2015 at 8:38 AM
- 🌧 17 °C
- Altitude: 3,858 m
PeruChucuito15°53’27” S 69°53’17” W
Puno -23 to 24 July 2015

So we decide to take a night bus to Puno...we left at around 1030 at night and arrived in Puno at around 5 am. We both took some sleeping pills, but the bus was so cold that neither one of us were able to get much sleep. We had even paid a little more for the first class section....the ticket costing the equivalent of about $20 American.
So we arrive at 5 am and since Jaime is morally opposed to using the bathroom on the bus...and since we both didn't sleep well...we were fair game for the tour agency that leeched on to us when we got off the bus. Turns out that it worked out really well because there was a day tour of Lake Titicaca that left at 7 am....so we signed up for it and it was a great day, even though we were both exhausted.
We took a boat out of the harbor and visited one of the floating islands. The natives have used the reeds to build floating islands for centuries and we got to walk around on one and even took a tour in a reed boat. We talked with the 'president' of the island for a bit and he explained that about 20 people lived in the island and usually about 4 or 5 families live there. After our chat, we l left for another island.
This other island was natural and we got to hike up to the top and have lunch. We got to walk around that island a bit and learn more about the people and the native plants.
Turns out the lake is the 2nd largest in South America and the 19th largest in the world. It's at a very high altitude so walking up to the top of the island definitely made the lungs burn.
On the return voyage, Jaime and Keith postulated on the likelihood that the people on the floating islands...didn't actually live on the floating islands. These two naturally cynical humans watched the islands where there was so much activity earlier and found a lone human sitting on the island. Also, while there were two boats (with outboard motors) on the island earlier, only one remained. This could have been a guard left behind or the others could have been in the huts...who really knows....
Regardless, Jaime and Keith felt obligated to discuss their theory with the other passengers. The other passengers and tourists were taken aback and couldn't understand why the islanders wouldn't actually live there. When the monetary benefits were broken down for them, they too questioned whether or not the islands were truly still inhabited...
We tried to take naps during the boat ride portions and we're back at the dock around 530 pm. We met a cool Brazilian couple and we talked with them about Brazil and they were the first to mention that there was a strike on the Peru side....it turns out that it wasn't really a strike so much as the smugglers in that part of Peru were tired of the police cracking down on them and they wanted to prove a point. Luckily for us, we were able to buy a bus ticket and left on schedule. We left Puno at around 7 in the morning and headed to La Paz, Bolivia....Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 17
- Saturday, July 25, 2015 at 7:30 AM
- ⛅ 4 °C
- Altitude: 3,639 m
BoliviaLa Paz16°29’43” S 68°8’19” W
La Paz - 24 to 25 July

So like I said, we left Puno at around 7 in the am...this is when the nightmare officially began....we just didn't know it yet.
That's actually a gross overstatement. The bus ride and our fellow passengers were awesome....but the border crossing left a lot to be desired. Let me explain....
So we arrive at the border and are given no instructions whatsoever other than the fact that the bus is going to drop us off on the Peru side and then pick us up on the Bolivian side.
Now Jaime and Keith have both seen their fair share of border crossings...Jaime insisted that she had seen more and Keith cannot dispute this fact. Regardless, the Peru - Bolivia border crossing on the way from Puno to La Paz is one of the biggest clusters either on of us had ever seen.
Luckily, some Japanese passengers and Jaime knew what to do....and the rest of the passengers followed suit. We go into a nondescript building on the Peru side and get our stamps....that portion was easy enough. We then walk over the border battling thousands of people walking and pushing carts in both directions. It was like two herds of thundering mud turtles were going the opposite directions...
We finally make our way through the melee and get to another nondescript building, this time on the Bolivian side of the border. There are no signs where to go, just throngs of people standing and sitting in what appears to be a line of some sort. Also, please believe me when I tell you that calling it a line is stretch. So we finally figure out which side to stand on and we start walking to the end of the 'line'...and we kept walking.....and kept walking....and kept walking. We finally get to the end of the line and we are absolutely dumbstruck by how long it is. We can still see the building, but we are easily a few hundred yards from where we need to be. We end up standing in line for almost 3 hours. We finally get towards the front of the 'line' and the Policia realize we're Americanos and so we need a visa. We expected this and were prepared. So we go through the door and see there are only 2 people stamping passports. We go over to the visa lady and hand over our forms and cash and watch her inspect each and every bill we handed her. We also decided to drool over her baby a bit in the hopes of expediting the process....this only moderately helped.
So we get our visas and walk over to get our stamps. Jaime went first and tried to helped a British citizen from Hong Kong. The Bolivian border personnel must have missed out on the British/Hong Kong relationship in their history class because they didn't understand....long story short, it eventually got worked out because another tourist was able to give them a history lesson. So Jaime got her stamps and the border guy then told her he needed a photocopy of her visa and passport....and he wouldn't return her stamped form until she got one. This was not a normal procedure....and Jaime, who never misses a chance to question authority figures in a foreign country, started to ask why. Her questions and the language barrier prompted multiple Spanish speakers to ask why as well since the bureaucrat was clearly holding up progress. This caused the Policia to help us even more to get us out of there asap...
So she follows the directions of the Policia and runs over and gets one, with Keith following close behind. We get our copies and then head back. We hand him our copies and the arse doesn't do anything with them, he just sits them to the side and hands over the form. It's also interesting to note none of the other humans had to make copies. I guess it's nice to know there are asshole bureaucrats all over the world. So after we get through that, we walk to the bus and enjoy some leftover pizza we had brought with us. Trust me when I tell you that having that pizza was a clutch move as we were starving.
After we got everyone on board, we made our way to La Paz....
Bolivia is poor...like really poor. It's also covered with trash by the roads and cess pools/canals leading into the city. The countryside is beautiful, but is also littered with trash. It really is a shame.
So we got to La Paz and found out where the hostels are. Jaime had the taxi drop us off at the bottom of the hill so Keith had to drag the 'fuzzing' rolling duffel bag all over creation. Keith has come to despise the rolling duffel bag...
So they finally make it to an affordable hostel and check in. Jaime originally found a very expensive hostel that Keith would have stayed at, but she wanted something a little more affordable. She also insists that Keith is the one that said that it was too expensive....but I digress....
So we drop off our bags in the room and get ready to go out and explore the town. We walked a couple of miles and during that time, we saw the witches market, another huge market and the lights and sounds of the Bolivian capital.
We stopped at a nice restaurant and had a delicious meal, even though they brought Jaime the wrong food and they avoided coming to our table...these issues did not annoy Jaime in the least (sarcasm)...
So we go back to the room in the hopes of crashing since both of us are exhausted....Unfortunately, there was a smell in the bathroom. That's actually not a fair description. It actually smelled like something died in the pipes. It was awful. Jaime tried to brush her teeth, but started dry heaving. Seeing her gag and smelling the bathroom also made Keith dry heave. It was a 'beautiful' moment...
So we decide to notify the management and they promptly gave us another room. This one was much better. We fell asleep and got ready to explore the city the next day.
When we woke up we walked around some more and had breakfast and spent the day walking around shopping and getting ready for our bus ride to Santa Cruz....a city in eastern Bolivia. So we show up to the bus station on time and the bus was delayed.
I'm currently typing this post on the way to Santa Cruz and more details regarding this 18 hour ride will come later....Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 18
- Sunday, July 26, 2015 at 11:01 PM
- ⛅ 17 °C
- Altitude: 418 m
BoliviaLos Batos17°46’24” S 63°10’2” W
Santa Cruz - 26 to 27 July 2015

An 18 hour bus ride...that's what we asked for and that's what we got. I want to tell you that it was awful, but it really wasn't that bad...well, for Keith anyway....
So we left an hour late and after riding for about an hour or so, and after working on the previous two blog posts for a bit, Keith decided to take a sleeping pill. Right before be was about to crash, he went down and inspected the bathroom for Jaime. He found that prior to leaving on an 18 hour ride across the country, the bus company thought it would be a good idea to embark without a handle on the outside of the door. Passengers had to use coins to squeeze the knob together to get it to turn. Keith saw no other issues once inside however...it was actually fairly clean. This was probably due to the fact that very few people could get in to use the facilities....
All of this information was relayed to Jaime. Keith even set her up for success and gave her the materials needed to open the door. He also assisted her in getting everything she needed prior to walking downstairs....including putting tiger balm under her nose to assist with any less than desirable smells.
At this point I would like to inform our readers (or remind them...whichever is more appropriate) that Jaime hates public bathrooms. Hates them. To the point she will make herself miserable in order to avoid using one. But this was an 18 hour bus ride...so she knew she had to do what must be done.
So Jaime sets off down to the bathroom with Keith quickly succumbing to the effects of the sleeping pill. Had he known what was going to transpire, he would have accompanied her and tried to help. Instead, after about 20 minutes, Jaime came back crying and borderline hysterical. Over the next few minutes, Keith was able to do figure out what happened. He got even more clarity the next day when Jaime was more ready to discuss her escapade....and he wasn't about to pass out waiting for her to get back.
It turns out Jaime couldn't even get in to the bathroom and had to get someone to help her. Once inside and after she was done, she attempted to return to our seats. Fyi...it was a double decker tour bus and we were sitting in the very back in the top...while the bathroom is in the middle on the lower level.
When she tried to unlock the door and come out she realized that the door wouldn't open..she played with it for a few minutes and then realized that it wasn't just her inability to open the door...something was broken. It was at this point that she started banging on the door. She later informed Keith that she knew he had taken a sleeping pill and that it was an 18 hour ride and she didn't know how long she'd have to be in there.
Her banging eventually got the attention of some Bolivian Military Police who happened to be along for the ride and they started trying to help. They found a lady to tell Jaime 'one minute'...but Jaime started getting more and more into panic attack mode. This was because everyone else was speaking rapid fire Spanish through the door and Jaime couldn't understand what was happening. Due to her predicament, Jaime was unable to understand the Spanish and she was only able to speak English...this created confusion on both sides...
They eventually were able to pry the door open with some screw drivers and allowed a sobbing Jaime to return to her seat.
When Keith saw Jaime walking back to the back of the bus with a quickness, he realized something was wrong. When she got back and was in tears, he tried to figure out what went wrong. She couldn't understand why Keith couldn't hear her banging on the wall over the sound of the road and the diesel engine. Keith felt bad, but luckily for him, the sleeping pill completely kicked in a few minutes later. By the next day, Jaime was able to laugh about the incident....her words 'if this had happened to anyone else, I would have thought it hilarious'...
Anyway, that was the highlight of the trip...we did stop and Jaime gave away some of our leftovers to a bathroom attendant who appeared to be lusting over our pasta dishes. She also gave some of our oranges to some kids at the train station once we arrived.
It took us 18 hours to get to Santa Cruz and once we arrived we bought another bus ticket to Campo Grande, Brazil...this will be our longest leg yet and will put us close to the Pantanal....a wetland wilderness known for the abundant wildlife.
Once we got to our hostel, we dropped off our bags and walked around. We had a late lunch and then decided to have some ice cream.
At this point, Keith would like to point out what a nightmare it is to take Jaime out for ice cream. This is because Jaime gets overwhelmed from all the choices and literally freezes up and can't make a decision. (No pun intended). She takes what should be a 30 second decision and drags it out for 20 minutes....
Luckily for Keith, her eventual decision was delicious. The ice cream was so good and so abundant that Keith and Jaime bypassed dinner and just walked around the square and people watched. More of the same is likely in store for tomorrow.
We get to hang in the city during the day and then we catch our bus at 8 pm tomorrow...the plan is to drive 10 hours to the border. Spend a couple hours at the border crossing taking care of the paperwork, and then drive 7 more hours to Campo Grande....we'll see if there are any more bathroom incidents on the bus. So far, Keith and Jaime haven't had the best luck with the bus bathrooms on this trip.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 20
- Tuesday, July 28, 2015 at 5:19 PM
- ☀️ 18 °C
- Altitude: 80 m
BrazilBoa Sorte19°19’13” S 57°3’7” W
Santa Cruz to Campo Grande - 27 -28 July

"Sometimes people are just @$$ holes" - Keith Schellack
"I wish I could go back and punch that guy in the face" - Jaime Parker
So the plan changed a little...we were supposed to take a bus from Santa Cruz to the border, then continue on to Campo Grande....that was where we were going to start the Pantanal tour that we hadn't booked yet...
Instead, we got to a bus stop in the middle of nowhere and were told we had to take a taxi to the border. In truth, 'we' weren't told anything. Jaime made friends with a trilingual (English, Spanish and Portuguese) young lady. She's the one who informed us of our fate... Jaime also made sure she adopted us...
With her help, we were able to get to the border and clear immigration. We had already gotten the visa so everything was super easy. Well, everything aside from our transportation to Campo Grande that is...
We eventually got tix to Campo Grande, but they left a few hours after we were initially told. This prompted the above quotes....this is in addition to us paying more for a nicer bus, then sitting on a less nice bus. All in all, the guy who sold us the tickets was an arse who apparently deserved a punch in the face.
Because we're so good at making lemonade out of lemons though, we decide to hop in a car with some random Portuguese speaking Brazilians at the border and go to their tour company. It turns out we were already right outside the Pantanal, so it didn't make sense to go to Campo Grande and then have to double back...
We got them to take us to the bank (so we could pay), the grocery store (so we had wine), and the Internet cafe (so Jaime could at least touch base with her mom before we left for a no wifi zone)...
Anyway, I'll leave the details of the Pantanal for the next post....Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 22
- Thursday, July 30, 2015 at 1:27 PM
- ☀️ 18 °C
- Altitude: 81 m
BrazilBoa Sorte19°19’12” S 57°3’7” W
The Pantanal - 28 to 31 July 2015

For those that don't know, the Pantanal is a vast wetland/savanna area in Brazil near the borders of Bolivia and Paraguay. We elected to go here instead of the Amazon because we heard that there were more wildlife sightings here...mainly because the vegetation in the Amazon is a lot thicker...
Day 1 (28 July)
So after we coordinated with the tour and ran the errands mentioned in the previous post, we headed out to the Pantanal. We rode with the owner of the tour company and a Bulgarian - Canadian named Vincent.
The first day of the tour consisted of us riding out to the Lodge in a truck and having to stop and take a ferry across the Paraguay river. Frequent readers will know that Jaime spent her time making friends with the mangiest of dogs. There was also a piglet she tried to befriend...
Anyway, as we were driving out to the lodge, we saw multiple cayman, capivare (spelling?), birds, lizards and probably some other animals I don't remember. Also, a capivare is huge South American rodent...just think of the 'rodents of unusual size' from Princess Bride....most were actually bigger than Jaime's dog Sierra....if that tells you anything.
As we were waiting on dinner, we got to chat with an older Korean gentleman. He was traveling by himself and his English was not very good. He was very impressed by Jaime and gave her the Korean name 'Lena'...which apparently means 'beautiful' in Chinese. Needless to say, Jaime liked him immensely. He nicknamed Keith Yong sun...which he said meant 'clever' in Korean. Keith thinks this claim dubious and is probably the Korean equivalent of 'asshat'. Jaime and Keith nicknamed him Sawyer, as he wanted an American nickname. He liked Sawyer and since Jaime and Keith are both Mark Twain fans, they thought it appropriate. (As an aside, it turns out Keith is the Mark Twain fan as Jaime just has a few books on display to make her 'look smart'...)
After dinner we went on a night safari. A 'night safari' is a fancy way of saying 'we sat in the back of a truck and spotlighted animals with a massive flashlight'. Keith's friends and family are likely familiar with this technique. Jaime's friends and family may not be as familiar. Keith thinks that it's nice that redneck activities are popular all over the world.
Day 2 (29 July)
So we woke up on day 2 and went on a river tour....we traveled up one of the local rivers and saw cayman and other animals....mostly birds though. After about 45 minutes we stopped and drifted downstream for a bit. While we drifted, we did some piranha fishing.
In our boat we had two Koreans, Vincent, ourselves, and our two Brazilian guides. The fishing contest that ensued was won by the Brazilians...it was not even close. I think they caught 7 or 8. The American contingent was 2nd overall with 3....and to be completely fair, the American success was entirely attributable to the efforts of Miss Jaime Parker. Keith caught nothing. Had this been prehistoric times, Jaime would have been the hunter and Keith would have been sent off to pick berries or nurse the babies...it was also very nice of Jaime to make sure Keith knew who caught the fish. Keith would have probably forgotten about his poor luck and atrocious fishing skill, but Jaime was kind enough to keep him reminded....
When we came back from lunch, we found out our next activity wasn't until 3...so we had time for a siesta. At some point during our snooze fest, the power went out...and with it our air conditioning unit. Jaime was less than thrilled. Keith is pretty sure the only reason Jaime eventually stopped mentioning the fishing statistics was because her focus (wrath) was focused elsewhere....namely on Paolo, the manager of the establishment.
As far as customer service skills, Paolo had none. He also did not enjoy questions of any type, though especially from women. When Keith asked him a question, he got a round about answer that didn't address the query. When Jaime asked a question, she was told she needed to calm down and that he didn't work for the electric company. For the record, Jaime just asked for an update about the electricity.
The convo went very much like this....
Jaime - "so do you have an update on the electricity?" (And to be clear, she didn't even say it with an attitude....like the way she talks to Keith when she thinks she is just asking a normal question)...
Paolo - "Amiga! No need to get angry...I no work for the company"
(Keith's inner thoughts - "oh you poor bastard...you have no idea...you think you do, but you really don't. That wasn't an attitude. I know about the attitude you're about to get and I'm so glad it's going to be directed at someone else....best day ever. Ring side seats and everything....)
I don't have direct quotes from what Jaime said, but she made sure that Paolo knew he did not answer her question. Jaime also made sure Paolo knew she did not appreciate his tone....and she repeated her question in a very condescending way. Paolo answered the question and was nice the rest of the trip...and by nice, I mean that he avoided us as much as possible....(except when it was time to load our stuff to leave...he couldn't get us out of there fast enough.)
But enough about that...
In the afternoon we went 'trekking'...this is the term non-Americans use for hiking/walking. We walked through a lot of standing water in the search of animals. We mainly saw cows, but we saw a bunch of birds and some howler monkeys. It was crazy hot outside and the mosquitoes were abundant. At one point we walked through standing water that was chest high. It was at this point that Jaime asked Keith to take a picture. Mind you....Keith was already carrying both pairs of shoes, the water, and Jaime's backpack. He was holding all of these things above the water so they wouldn't get wet. Keith politely informed Jaime that it was a terrible idea to get one of their smart phones out and that it was just asking for trouble....Jaime grew frustrated with Keith's lack of additional hands and had Vincent take their picture.
We had a cold shower when we got back and had a lovely dinner with an Italian couple and Vincent.
Day 3 (30 July)
Day 3 consisted of another trek, though this one was much longer and because it was earlier in the day, it was cooler with less mosquitoes. We ended up walking about 7.5 miles and saw more monkeys, birds and some native pigs. Jaime started to get tired at one point...Keith was aware of this point because Jaime started tripping on sticks and not watching where she was going. The comments about the heat and how she was 'over it', also served as important clues. Her constant tripping eventually led to a couple scratches. When the wading in water resumed, Jaime began reciting segments from her microbiology studies. Keith learned a lot during this period as the lessons Jaime shared were repeated often.
After lunch, we went horseback riding with a group of Russian English teachers. We were told to be ready at 1...and we were. Much to his immense joy, we actually got on the horses at 3...the experience was fun, though the trotting was not good for Keith's back, or for Jaime's neck, which she had irritated earlier in the trip.
At one point, Keith's sunglasses fell off and he had to maneuver his horse back down the trail to get them. Jaime was under the impression that his horse was taking him in the wrong direction, but his horsemanship skills became readily apparent after he grabbed his glasses and came galloping back across the prairie. Had he been wearing a cowboy hat instead of a plastic hardhat, he would have looked impressive. Unfortunately, the plastic hardhat is incapable of making someone look impressive....so, instead, he continued to look like what goober....
That night, we had our best Brazilian meal yet. The best dish was a chicken concoction served over crispy hash browns. It was delicious. We also dined with a French couple. They had all sorts of questions about American politics and our view of the world. They also asked Jaime a lot of personal questions...Jaime was quite pleased since she loves when she is the subject of the conversation.
Day 4 (31 July)
Our last day had us fishing for piranhas in the lake by the lodge. We each caught 4 fish so Keith was able to redeem himself a little. Jaime was kind enough patronize him (just a little) and let him know how proud she was of his 'cute, little fish'....
After fishing, we went back and relaxed before lunch. We left after lunch and rode in the back of a truck for about an hour and a half at which point we got another shuttle to Bonito....we actually spent a lot of time in the back of trucks in the Pantanal. Keith enjoyed riding in the back of trucks going too fast down bumpy gravel roads. Jaime enjoyed it to a point...Then her safety concerns kicked in...
We're now in Bonito and are having a great time....more on that later.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 24
- Saturday, August 1, 2015 at 6:04 PM
- 🌬 12 °C
- Altitude: 316 m
BrazilBonito21°7’34” S 56°29’28” W
Bonito - 31 July to 2 August 2015

This town is awesome. It's a tourist destination centered around a bunch of natural springs. The water is crystal clear and vegetation and fish are everywhere. The locals take great care to keep it natural and clean....so much so, that you can't even wear sunscreen in the water. We decided to swing by because a lot of other travelers raved about it. We also had some flexibility with our schedule...plus, the Brazilian guy at the consulate in Atlanta actually told us about it when we got our visas....so we thought, "why not???"
So we arrive in Bonito and find accommodations...we initially tried to stay where our Russian associates from the Pantanal were staying, but that hostel was full. The guy working the desk was kind enough to call around and find us a room....Jaime fell in love with the city right then. We hadn't had that much customer service help in a while and the language barrier in Brazil is definitely harder than the previous countries. Portuguese is unlike anything we have ever heard before. It sounds like gibberish to us and we can't make it out...
Anyway, like I said, he found us a place.....unfortunately, it was about a 25 minute walk away. So we set off with the plan of checking places on the way, since we were tired and hungry...luckily for us, we found a cool one that had what we needed (a/c, wifi, breakfast, etc). Bonus though....they spoke English. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner...
We also got a cheaper room because we scheduled our tours through them. Everything was super easy. They even helped call and schedule our follow on transportation.
So we decided to do a cave tour in the morning and a snorkeling tour in the afternoon. There was also a winter festival going on in town, so we were excited to check that out....after we booked our tours and were settled in our room, we took the owner of the hotel's suggestion and headed to a specific restaurant. Short version - it was delicious. The area is known for fish and we got fish, local beers and Jaime got a dessert. I say Jaime got a dessert because she did not want to share it. She allowed Keith a few bites, but she criticized each fork full he got and after his second bite, decided to commandeer the whole thing. Once completely in her clutches, she ate the rest of it like a prisoner expecting someone was going to try and steal it. She was definitely guarding it from attack....it's almost like she thought she was going to go hungry. Apparently she forgot that Keith had shared the rest of the food evenly. It would appear that shared portions don't count when it comes to dessert.
Anyway, we headed back to the room after dinner and got ready for the next day.
The cave tour was kind of cool...we were under the impression that we'd get to walk around a cave with a crystal clear blue lake at the bottom. Instead, we walked down some stairs and looked at the lake from a platform. The whole tour was in Portuguese, so we didn't understand anything. Luckily for us we met a Brazilian guy who went to college in Hannibal, Missouri (I know....super random huh...)...
So we made friends with him and his new wife (they were on their honeymoon) and we actually made plans to meet them for dinner later that night. The guy was also super excited about a famous Brazilian band playing later that night and he said we should check them out....so we traded contact info and went on our way....
After our tour dropped us off at our hotel, we grabbed some lunch and got ready for our snorkeling tour. Again, the tour was in Portuguese and we didn't understand anything. There were a bunch of old guys in our group and they took turns trying to interpret for us. The tour guide would talk for 5 minutes and one of the old guys would tell us "don't stand on the bottom"...or "Stay in a single file line". I'm pretty sure we didn't get the full translation. Regardless though, they were nice guys that tried. Aside from the fact that they were atrocious swimmers and kept stirring up the bottom, they were very helpful.
The water was incredibly clear and there were fish everywhere. I wish we had underwater pics to show the clarity, but it was the clearest water either one of us had ever seen...at least till the old Brazilian guys stirred up the bottom.
At the end of the tour we thanked the guys for helping us and that was when he informed us that they were in a band and they were playing the festival later. They invited us to come check them out...turns out, it was the same band the guy earlier had talked about. Apparently they are a big deal in Brazil, but we had never heard of them and even now, we have no idea who they are...oh well...
So we got done with the tour and made plans to go to dinner with the couple we met earlier in the day.
As an aside, Keith had not shaved his face for about a month...and both he and Jaime thought that enough was enough...his face is now freshly shorn.
So we met the couple at the festival and had a delicious dinner. It's amazing how much better an experience can be when you know the language...or you know someone who does....
We ended up buying their dinner as a way to say thank you for helping us. We were also joined at dinner by the owner of our hotel and his girlfriend. Drinks and a good time were had by all....too many drinks actually....
Keith woke up with a headache and the 'grumpy muffin' moniker returned. As another aside...it really is a terrible name that should be banned and never repeated. And trust me...there's no bias on the writer's part at all...
Alas though, our time in Bonito has come to an end. We are now sitting in the Campo Grande bus station waiting for an all night bus to Iguazu Falls....should be fun....
Note - you may notice that we haven't posted pics in a while...I'm not sure why, but for some reason they won't load. We'll keep trying....but just use your imagination for now.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 25
- Sunday, August 2, 2015 at 8:17 PM
- 🌙 20 °C
- Altitude: 544 m
BrazilCentro20°44’1” S 54°32’20” W
Bus to Iguazu Falls

"My Hell"
A poem by Keith Schellack
I'm on a night bus,
Going to Iguazu,
This ride is awful,
And I really don't know what to do.
The kids are screaming,
This is my curse,
I'm sitting next to the bathroom,
So I thought I'd write this verse.
We got last minute tickets,
And wanted to sit next to each other,
But the last row we got,
I'd rather sit in another.
Jaime is sleeping,
As she is prone to do.
I had an ambien,
But I apparently needed a few.
The engine is rattling,
And the volume is too high,
The way the driver shifts gears,
Makes me wonder "WHY?!?!?"
The Agua is back here too
And people are coming to drink,
They keep rubbing up against me,
There's so many I don't have time to blink.
A woman just changed a diaper,
And had her daughter throw it away.
It now smells like baby shit back here.
Can you say "YAY!!!!!"
She used the bus trashcan
which is right next to me,
We were at a rest stop when she did it
How dumb and lazy can you be!!!
Just walk it off the bus
And throw it away there.
Now I have to smell it
This hardly seems fair.
It already smelled like urine
Soaked through and through,
When will I learn to fly, not bus
I haven't a clue.
This bus nonsense is ridiculous
It really needs to stop.
I can't take this much abuse,
I'm so tired I could drop.
I'm trying to vent here
And create something funny,
So I don't go postal
And then feel all crummy.
I want buckets of hand sanitizer
And maybe a bath with soap.
If I have to pay for tickets for a bus again,
I'll feel like such a dope.
As a way to relax
and maybe calm down,
I tried to play solitaire,
Hoping my stress level would drown.
It worked for a while,
Till Jaime wanted to play.
So I sat there in disbelief,
Not knowing what to say.
This poem is over,
But this ride has just begun.
Who knows how it will turn out,
maybe it'll be fun.
But that's not what happened,
That's certainly not my luck.
I'm doing my best
And trying to not give a 'crap'.
I was very proud of this poem
And wanted it for Jaime to read.
She wasn't ready to wake up yet,
It was a warning I did not heed.
Now she's cranky and tired,
And the blame is all mine.
Had I thought for 2 seconds,
I wouldn't have to hear the whine.
This is how my night is going,
But hopefully it gets better.
Though if it doesn't,
I may have to write another letter.
So comrades, help me,
Your assistance is needed.
Give me advice,
Though I can't promise it'll be heeded.
I don't see a solution here
And I'm running out of words to rhyme,
But thankfully this ambien is starting to work,
And just in the nick of time.
So while this bus is my home,
It's also my prison and personal hell.
I'm hoping that when I wake up,
All will be well....
Part 2
I just woke up,
Not knowing where we are,
Much to my chagrin
We haven't made it far.
It's 5 am
And I didn't get much sleep.
I had people banging into me all night,
They didn't even try to creep.
I'm still just sitting here
Waiting for this hell to end.
Arriving at Iguazu Falls
Would allow my soul to mend.
I don't know why this ride is taking so long,
I wish the driver would pick up the pace,
I just got a another wiff of excrement,
Someone please shoot me in the face.
Babies are crying again,
It's only going to get worse from here,
Who said 5 am is too early,
For one to need a beer.
This is the roughest ride ever,
With holes all over the place.
The driver is swerving to hit them all
He is certainly no ace.
Jaime is still sleeping,
She slept all through the ride.
It's nice to know it isn't as bad for her,
Even though I wish I had died.
The smell is constant
And for which there is no rebuke.
please just ignore me,
If it looks like I might puke.
That's enough for now,
I think I've captured the scene.
If Jaime makes me take another bus,
She will certainly be mean.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 28
- Wednesday, August 5, 2015 at 6:29 PM
- 🌙 12 °C
- Altitude: 292 m
BrazilMatelândia25°29’42” S 53°53’24” W
Iguassu Falls

So as you could tell from the award winning poem in the previous post, the road to Iguassu was less than awesome. Not only was the ride rough, it was long. I won't rehash everything, but we thought the ride would be about 12 hours...it ended up being about 20. Needless to say, our time in Iguassu did not go as planned....
We had originally hoped to arrive around 7 or 8 in the morning. Not sure what our driver did all night, but he didn't make much headway....because we didn't arrive till after 2 pm...
We wanted to spend all day at the falls, but as the bus ride kept taking longer and longer, we realized that we would have to immediately go to the hostel...drop off our bags...and the rush over to the falls. Luckily for us, we got there and we were actually ready to leave before everything closed down. We got some great views and pics of the falls...
Afterwards, we decided to use the hostel kitchen and cook our own meal. After Keith's nerves went to pieces because Jaime took too long shopping in the grocery store, we headed back to actually do some cooking.
The hostel itself was really cool...if not a little crowded. It was called the Tetris Hostel because it was made out of old shipping containers. There were a bunch of people staying there and it seemed like everyone wanted to cook...luckily for us, we had some wine, cheese and crackers. These snacks helped Keith deal with the stress of waiting forever to eat....
We made a roasted chicken/pasta concoction that was delicious....except for the extremely bitter 'spinach' we put in there....well, we thought it was spinach, but it wasn't....needless to say it was even more delicious after we picked out the 'spinach'...
We went to bed shortly thereafter since it had been a long night/day and we had a plane to Vitoria to catch the next day....which went off without a hitch even though we found out at the last minute that Iguassu is one hour ahead of EST...which meant that we had to rush a little the next morning because we didn't want to miss our flight....Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 28
- Wednesday, August 5, 2015 at 11:14 PM
- 🌙 20 °C
- Altitude: 5 m
BrazilNormilha20°28’41” S 40°21’11” W
Vitoria, Brazil - 4 to 5 August 2015

So we caught our flight from Iguassu and made our connection in Sao Paulo with no issues. We landed in Vitoria, grabbed our bags and met Jaime's friends Andrezza (Drezza) and her boyfriend Patrick (pronounced Patreeka). Jaime and Drezza had a hugging reunion and introductions were made all around.
(The trip to Vitoria (a coastal city about 8 hours north of Rio) was made early on during our trip planning when Jaime made it clear she had a goal of visiting one of her Brazilian friends she met during her time in New Zealand. Both Jaime and Drezza were ecstatic that everyone's schedule was able to come together.)
After we left the airport, we headed back to their apartment and dropped off our bags before heading off to a traditional Brazilian steakhouse....aka the kind of place where you eat meat until you're ready to explode...
It was late by the time we arrived at the restaurant....about 9 o'clock at night. But the food was delicious. We had various cuts of beef, bison, pork and chicken....plus, we had a great salad bar with a bunch of seafood dishes and other sides. The highlight of the meal was Drezza insisted we have chicken hearts....apparently, she loves 'em...
Both Keith and Jaime agree to have them and this is when the entertainment really began. It's actually a shame, because words cannot do justice to the images that resulted from Jaime eating a chicken heart....but Keith had trouble remembering the last time he laughed that hard...he's also very upset he didn't document the incident with any pics....
So this is how it played out...
Keith received the first chicken heart...at which time he ate it without much ceremony. He was expecting the texture and didn't give any outward signs of an opinion as he knew Jaime was watching him like a hawk....looking for any clue as to what he thought. This is most likely because Jaime was looking for a way to NOT eat a chicken heart...
So Keith chewed and chewed...it was actually a little over cooked. Jaime asked him how it was and he gave a very informative "not bad"... or something equally noncommittal. At this point Jaime placed the chicken heart in her mouth....
She stated it was "terrible" even before she started chewing...this was when Keith and the rest of the table started to smirk...
Immediately thereafter, Jaime began a dry heaving extravaganza...but that didnt stop her...it merely slowed her down. She was a trooper and never gave up. She fought long and hard trying to swallow the chicken heart and she incorporated a couple different techniques in an attempt to get it down. She did the "quick chew"....in that she chewed very fast (think Bugs Bunny eating a carrot)...and she did the "hand wave"...in that she waved her hand in front of her mouth and face very quickly while she had her eyes closed tight. Her eyes watered and she finally used half a glass of red wine to finish it off...
Her first words when she could finally speak coherently were to ask Keith why he did not tell her it was awful...
This is when Keith really had a good laugh.... Jaime couldn't understand how Keith could keep a straight face while he ate the chicken heart. Once he stopped laughing....Keith calmly explained that he had known what to expect and that he kept his poker face on purpose because he wanted to see her reaction. An objective observer could allege that it would have been possible for Jaime to have 'appreciated' this response a little better....but since no one is perfect, we move on...
Like I said, the dinner was awesome....the food and beverages were amazing.
After dinner we were given a tour of the city...including the waterfront. Drezza and Patrick explained how they like to paddle outrigger canoes and Jaime was immediately making plans for her and Keith to do that the next morning.
After our tour, we went back to their apartment and hung out on the balcony...this allowed Jaime and Drezza a chance to catch up. Stories were told and laughs were had...and drinks were consumed. Needless to say, too many drinks were consumed and the canoeing never occurred.
The next day we woke up and were given a full breakfast....unfortunately, we were all still full from the night before. We then ran a few errands (laundry/atm) and explored the city. We saw the Vitoria government building, the cathedral and a mountain overlooking the city. Later, we had a lovely fish stew lunch (local delicacy) and then hung out at the beach. Late that afternoon we visited a convent on another mountain outside the city...the views were awesome.
After our long day, we went back to their apartment and ordered a couple pizzas. Keith drank some beers Patrick recommended (Ashby Weiss)...and they were delicious. Jaime polished off a bottle of cabernet sauvignon...and some beer.
It's now approximately midnight and we are on another night bus...this time to Rio de Janeiro.
(I know, I know...you thought the buses were over....I promise, I did too...but it was cheap and the timing worked out...I promise there won't be any more lowbrow poems...)
.Read more
- Show trip
- Add to bucket listRemove from bucket list
- Share
- Day 30
- Friday, August 7, 2015 at 3:17 PM
- ☀️ 29 °C
- Altitude: 41 m
BrazilMorro dos Cabritos22°58’1” S 43°11’29” W
Rio de Janeiro - 6 to 7 August 2015

So we arrived in Rio fairly early in the morning and immediately got a taxi to our hostel. The room wasn't ready yet, so we didn't get a chance to rest...which really sucked because we both wanted a short nap since neither of us slept much/well on the bus....
We did decide to take a city tour while waiting though.... The tour started in the afternoon and took us to a few notable Rio tourist attractions. Our first stop was the Christ statue where we fought the crowds for some pics....
Afterwards, we drove through an area called Santa Teresa, saw a cathedral, hung out in the Lapa Steps and then went up to Sugar Loaf to see the sunset.
The Lapa steps were pretty cool...they were created by a Chilean artist. Apparently the love of his life died and he started collecting tile from around the city. He created murals in her honor. My description doesn't do it justice....so I suggest you Google it...it really is neat...
I don't remember much about the cathedral, but it was the weirdest church I'd ever seen...and Sugar Loaf is a peak with great views of the entire city...so we were definitely fighting crowds for pics there as well.
We had some interesting humans on our tour...
We had a group of obnoxious Australian girls...who ended up being extremely rude to an Argentinian couple who happened to be a few minutes late back to a checkpoint...
We had an obnoxious English couple that thought they were special. They sat in our seat and tossed Jaime's sweater back to her...Jaime did not appreciate this maneuver. They also took more pics and took longer than anyone else.
There was also an American. He grew up about 5 minutes from Keith in Atlanta, but he too was obnoxious....Jaime informed Keith he was being rude after Keith quickly started ignoring him. Keith did not know he was being rude, but was ok with it after this fact was brought to his attention. Keith felt like the guy was an asshat...and it turns out Keith is usually right about these things.
After the tour, we went down to the beach and had a nice dinner. We attempted to have a repeat of the fish stew that we enjoyed with Drezza amd Patrick...unfortunately, this version wasn't nearly as good.
We called it an early night since we were still short on sleep from our night bus and got ready for the next day.
Our final day had us lounging on the beach enjoying cocktails and walking around the beachfront. We left for the airport in the late afternoon and after a brief haggle with the taxi driver, we caught our flight to Miami. There were no issues with our connection to Atlanta and we are currently back in the states.
It was a good trip, though it truly was exhausting. I'm finishing this blog about 36 hours after our return and we are both still a little sleep deprived. Also, apologies if this entry isn't as entertaining...but the writer takes solace in the fact that you will get over it...
This blog doesn't address every facet of the trip, so please email us know if you have any questions.
We hoped you enjoyed reading about our adventure....and surprisingly, we enjoyed documenting our trip...but remember....if you learn one lesson from our trip, please let it be this...
STAY OFF OF SOUTH AMERICAN BUSES!!!!
Blog concluded.Read more