Finch Hatton

I'll be honest, this episode should be titled 'A Massive Flipping Whinge'.

So, it's been a while, eh?!

I genuinely thought you'd all lost interest so I wasn't motivated to continue the blog as regularly, due to the lack of engagement. Thanks to all you legends who have nudged me for an update, it warms the cockles of my heart!

Looking back, the last comment on the Facebook blog was an opinion posted publicly that I was 'spending far too much time alone'. At best, thoughtless. At worst, malicious.

You are never alone when you live with a hound. I'd far rather share my 7 metres of living space with him, than any human I've known. He is better at security and protection than any cop I worked with in twenty years of service. Even if his own farts do scare him, he is more useful than any human on this trip. And so, that person has since been booted off to spread their malice elsewhere.

If I'm not feeling the love, I don't write.
And this space - is my space. A positive space for me to look back on, in years to come to see where we went, what we did, who we met and who was interested and engaged with our journey.

I've been dwelling on family recently. Mine is a little complicated, so typically not a soothing experience. But a few comments have been dropped that a visit is overdue.

The journey between Australia and England is utter misery. In duration, one way, flying hours can be from 23hrs to 45hrs in length. It can be two or three flights, one of which will be 14hrs, which is torture to those who only sleep 5 or 6 hours each night. The stop overs are anything from 1hr to 7hrs. You can't go outside to breathe the fresh air. You are stuck in foreign airports without the correct currency to buy anything or risk using your bank cards and being financially raped in exchange rates. You have to pay for a comfy seat, lounge or 'pod' to doze in. You don't get to shower for 48hrs or more. Ugh.

My sinuses are so sore from breathing the recirculated air on the plane that they are killing me about 2hrs in to the flight. I have nosebleeds for a several days afterwards. The seats are cramped, the movies are old and dull, the headphones fall off, the food is awful and you don't want to eat it for fear of having to use the horrendous airplane loos. The jet lag is insane and knocks you sideways for days. And then you have all of that to look forward to, on the way back to Australia!

It does make me chuckle when the pilot says "Welcome home" as we taxi into Heathrow, London. But depressing when you see the grey hues of England again, after the blue skies, the turquoise waters, the red dust of the outback - the amazing colours of Australia. We have so much space to spread out. We are often the only ones on the beautiful beaches (the others were breakfast for the White Pointers).

England is grey. It is cold. It is usually raining. Traffic is so congested. You have to pay a fortune to park anywhere, IF you can find a park. It takes ages to get anywhere. Everything is so damn expensive.

Do you remember the scene in Wonder Woman when they sail into a grey London port and she's really unimpressed after the beauty of the Amazon Isles? It's the only photo on this episode. "It's hideous!" She says. And she's not wrong. Not once you've seen what the rest of the world has to offer.

Inhabitants of England don't really like to go anywhere much. Undoubtedly due to all the above. An Englishman's home is his castle and that is where you will spend all of your time when back in Blighty, in other folks homes - because it's too much hassle and expense to go anywhere. It's a very different mindset to Australia where it's all about camping, nature, exploring the natural beauty of the coast or the outback. Road trips are an adventure and fun with lots of things to see, do and explore. Plus eating out costs the same as groceries from the supermarket, so funk it, let's eat out tonight!

If you're visiting England, you don't have a car. You can't really use your phone or the Optus / Telstra roaming rates will cripple you on your return. Trying to round up the folks you want to see whilst you're back, is a major mission. Prying the reluctant English folk from their warm, comfy homes to see you for an hour in the rain and the cold, is exhausting!

And when you do coax them out, you'll hear the following an awful lot and have to pretend to be amused: "Oh I couldn't live in Australia. Too many snakes / spiders / scorpions / sharks / jellyfish / crocodiles." Yup, there are. You'll rarely encounter them but safer to be a pussy and stay at home watching telly, never experiencing anything. Or "Too hot for me". Yup. Can be. That's why aircon was invented. Have you experienced Tasmania or SA or the snowfields of Victoria in the winter? You won't need to pack the budgie smugglers.

So! In light of all that, should I return to England this year?

Of course I should. I miss those a'holes dearly.Read more