Mahalakshmi

08/12/16
Mumbai
Test match day!!!!!! At the Wank Hede Stadium Lolz!!!

Curry for breakfast again. Pretty fit getting used to having a grenade on your taste buds at 7am!

So close to getting Noblet to get me a barmy army t-shirt I can taste its white cottony goodness!!!

We get there and get to watch a com equivalent level football match.... Being spectated by 2000 cricket fans.... Who all spout relevant oohs. Aahs and you're shit!

The football ground stadium is fully decked out in bamboo scaffold... Loving it!

Get in and next to a southerner.... And in front.... Southerners.... And behind .... Yeah southerners!! Where is the North!!?! Everyones a cockney spouting in 06 when we was ere lyyke they had jellied eels put on Maate it was a great expeeerience.

Watch the cricket which was really class tbf who would have thought.... So playing cricket when I get back gonna be sick. I asked what Noblet thought I'd be better at and he said I didn't have the patience for either.... I'll show him! HMF.... I can be as average at cricket as I am at hockey I'll give u circles!!!

So there's these emaciated guys selling all the fat Brits food.... But if you're brown you get a 50% discount as a minimum no prices and everyone steeling cash from everyone else not that it matters when it's 20p you're talking about.

There's no beer.... A common problem in India which is weird considering they all love the booze. Imagine being sober at a test.... We tried to smuggle 1l of vodka in but I got frisked and it got confiscated (felt like a raw fresher)!

Annoyingly there are loads of really poor people and they are everywhere.... Every time I haul my arse somewhere I'm embarrassed about how much richer we are than them. There are many beggars everywhere and the kids chase you desperate for cash. There are also so many sick people (blind, limbless, one guy had his foot in a plastic bag with giant red welts all over it sat at the side of the road.) so like proper sick. And from what I gather no state aid. The books tell you not to give cash... And if u want to do something give cash to a charity. But the country is so bent you wonder whether 50% even makes it to the people.? Feel so bad not helping the people.... But ahhh what do u do?!?!?

And I really want a barmy army t shirt!! At the same time as questioning above!!!

In other news we managed to get cash again today (£50) so buzzing.

Also booked our sleeper train to Agra (20 hour journey) and onto Jaipur from there to hopefully spot some tigers.

The guys in the place we booked them said he liked my eyes.... Also that fit girls are called chicken and men panting dogs.JUST SAYING BUCK BUCK CHICKON.

Guy who sorts tickets has really good English, has an alright job and is still living in the slums.

Further more that my middle name translates to Parrot. Noblet pleased with this and calls me holly the parrot brunt.

Beers and kebab for tea and more cricket in pub!

Mumbai grottiest city so far but people here are nice especially when you're English and you have had an alright days batting.

Donkey: Noblet - tour guide thought he was retarded.

Man: Charlie - really nice curry selection for both breakfast Nd lunch.Read more