Arroyo Cueza de Cabañas

I had a wonderful sleep. I didn’t go to sleep until midnight but slept right through the night. I headed out around 9am. My plan was to only do 17km (the minimum as this is the stretch with no town for 17kms) and if there was a place to stay, then I would stay or I would move on. There was a place, so I am here. It is good to have the short day after two really big days.

After 8km, the food truck was there, however, it is nothing like 14 years ago. This is practically a cafe now. I had a hot dog and chocolate cake. I actually don’t think it is even in the same spot. I remember it being more out in a field, but this was all crammed in close to the trail. The hot dog was still good though and I took almost an hour break there.

I took my time with the walk, and actually didn’t listen to music. But boy, I had to go pee lots. I think I stopped 3 times in the 17km. There was no privacy on the trail, so I always just went when I can see the next person was at a good distance. One time, when I looked behind me and saw the next person was far away, I squatted down and as I looked up, right in front of me was a tractor ploughing the fields. He was driving directly at me. I could see though that he respectfully turned away. Some people are so concerned about going outdoors, but in my mind, we all need to go, and if we need to go right now, then we go right now. Men don’t have any problems doing and I don’t think women should either.

I arrived around 2pm and they offered laundry (wash only) here so I threw all my clothes in. I have no clean clothes so I am still wearing the clothes I was hiking in today. I booked in for a pilgrims meal at the albergue across the street and then went to the other bar and ordered a beer and banana bread (with chocolate on top). I did this for Jörg. He would often have beer and chocolate waiting for me. Today was a windy day again so I felt like he was with me. I thought it only appropriate to share a beer with him.

I was sitting there, enjoying the beer and view and Kristen (from California) came and sat with me. We started talking and she had lost her husband to cancer around 7 years ago at an early age as well. It was really nice talking with her. We had very similar circumstances.

I have booked a bunk in Sahagun tomorrow, 23km so I will try to get an early start. Now, just going to relax until dinner.

Throwback to 2009 - Julie’s Journal

Well, today was quite the eventful day. It started out awful and ended beautifully … but I am jumping ahead, let me start from the beginning.

As stated, last night I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, itchy all over with a lot more bites all over my body, I was feeling awful still.

We set off by 7:40am, later than usual because I just didn’t want to get up. As we reached the edge of town, Joerg was off and I was happy. For some reason, I was so sick of hearing German. It is always being spoken, I can’t understand so I can’t participate.

Well, off I went. Ankle hurting, itching all over and all I wanted to do is be alone. I avoided everyone I could and cried most of the time. I was alone.

Soon my knee started hurting again. I stopped at a rest stop and Jeanetta (from Holland) was there but I didn’t want to be with anyone. I just wanted to wallow in my self-pity. I kept thinking to myself to send Joerg ahead of me. I could tell that I was starting to push him away because I was being emotional. I always have a hard time expressing emotions (crying) in front of others. I know I have been pushing men away all my life when it gets tough. I think deep down I will be rejected when I show my weakness. Again, another internal thought that I must always be strong.

At about the 8km mark of a 17 km stretch, a man set up a bar in the middle of the field. I stopped there, got the only thing chocolate they had, I faced away from everyone else into the field and was just thinking. It was at that moment I decided I am not going to push Joerg away. I am going to let my emotions go. I am going to cry in front of him and let him see this side of me. It is important to do this. I thought to myself that when I arrive, I am just going to break down.

After that revelation I set off on the trail again. It was a cold day so I was wearing my hat to keep warm. I was still feeling crappy, limping, pain and I wanted that hat off. It wouldn’t fit in my pocket so I just said “Fuck it!” and threw it away. Soon after I realized that it wasn’t a good idea because someone would think that it was lost. Sure enough, about 30 minutes later, a guy rode by on a bike and asked me if I lost the hat. I just waved him off and said no. About 5 seconds later I again realized that that was bad because he was riding by asking everyone. I should have taken it but it was too late.

I stopped to take the apple out of my backpack and who should be coming up behind me was Hans. I really didn’t want to see anyone I knew. I just wanted to be left alone to cry. Well, one of the first things he says to me is “That was not your hat?” I broke down and told him the truth. He couldn’t believe it. He said there was another Canadian woman who has lost her hat and has gone back looking for it. I told him that if she doesn’t find it, she could have mine.

He was soon off and I was back to my crying and self-pity. At one point along the trail the song “Don’t Give Up” came on my Ipod. All of the words were so relevant to me. It was like God was speaking to me reminding me that he loves me. There was no one on the trail, the sky was so beautiful in front of me. I stopped and bawled continuously through the whole song. I realized it was true. God does love me and will take care of me. I know Joerg loves me too. I am loved. I listened to the song again and that was the end of my tears. I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day. This happened about an hour from my 17 km mark.

I arrived, got a sandwich and sent an email to Joerg telling him I would be leaving by 1:30 and that I loved him. When I arrived, he was there waiting for me as usual and walked me to the albergue holding my hand. I told him a bit about my day and told him that if I need to cry, I will just do it, I will not hold back. He asked me what I wanted him to do when it happens. I just told him to just hold me. I am the luckiest person on this planet. There could not be a better man for me anywhere.

Dinner was noodle soup, pork and French fries and an orange for desert. Then we went to bed, but before the lights went out, I had a wonderful kiss.

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