Pascáis

Loneliness seems to be right at the surface the past few days. Leaving Triacastela and heading for Samos, a less traveled detour off the main Camino trail, I felt lonely again walking by myself without any other pilgrims in sight on the trail.

There were nice parts of the walk and nice parts of the day. A lot of the trail was lush and green and forested, which felt serene to walk in the misty weather. I got to visit the 1,000 year old Cypress tree and tour the monastery. Mostly, though, today felt lonely.

I realized when reflecting on the day how true the Buddhist teaching is about the difference between pain and suffering. I noticed how when I was feeling lonely today, my reaction to the loneliness made it worse. It felt easy to start to judge and question why I chose to do the Camino alone and think, “You chose this, so it’s your fault you’re feeling this way.”

Noticing this extra layer of suffering (judgmental thoughts) in reaction to the pain (loneliness) is helping me try to be compassionate toward myself and remember that there are reasons I chose to do this walk alone and that I couldn’t have known that August was the unofficial month of Italian pilgrims.

I am hoping the rest of my trip isn’t as lonely as the past few days have been, but if they are, I’ll try my best not to add to the pain by judging or blaming myself for it.

I also want to acknowledge and appreciate all of Dylan’s love and support from afar in keeping me afloat. I’m grateful for FaceTime calls and texting conversations to keep me company.Read more