Return To Go, Where's my $200?

Fate and Flixbus bring me here today.... Gare de Bayonne.

Right back where I was my first day in France, and my first day on The Camino. (https://findpenguins.com/1ooyf9lg96j6p/footprin… )

It feels.... Poignant. I'm surprised at how familiar it is after nearly two months of seeing and being in new places. I've slept in close to 50 beds (lost count), visited at least 100 cafes (lost count) sought innumerable yellow arrows (never even tried to count), smiled 10,000+ times, and seen more people, places, and things than one could shake a stick at (I had 2 sticks, *that* I can count).

I've been to three countries, uncountable towns and villages, and taken over a million steps (literally). I've lightened my load and added new things to it. I've (surprisingly) lost nothing, and gained.... Everything.

I suppose that the emotion is there regardless of the glimmer that triggers it... Today I found myself disembarking from a snazzy electric bus from Biarritz to see the Gare (train station) and .... The tears just sorta squoze out a little. Happy tears. Tears of recognition that.... ¡Carajo! I really did something special and I am not the same guy who walked into that station in late May. Perhaps the same guy, just a very different version.

I don't know that I'm any smarter nor wiser, but I am certainly healthier, more open-hearted, calmer, and less .... Depressed.

I hate to use that word as I feel like there are many other people who are suffering more acutely than I can even imagine. In light of my own emotional struggles with the loss of my brother (among some other things): if you are struggling, please seek help. Even if you don't "need" it. Talk to someone, a professional. There are resources out there. I was prone to tell people that "I have coping mechanisms, I'll be fine" which was utter bullshit. From the bottom of my hole I could barely keep my nose above water and deeply regret the time I wasted there. It took hitting my own version of bottom to convince me to make changes and the journey back to me has been so beautiful that I wish a similar path unto anyone currently in the dark. You can do it.

And on that happier note, I'm enjoying a (believe it or not) pain au chocolat and a tasty (enormous!) cup of coffee as I get a dose of ocular sunshine ( https://youtu.be/yBjUR16AiBM ) prior to starting my bus journey across the south of France.

It's a beautiful day. I am happy, healthy, and excited about... Adventure.

...much better than the $200 that monopoly promised.Read more