• Nick Yeshchin
lokak. – marrask. 2021

Thailand

29-päiväinen seikkaillu — Nick Lue lisää
  • Matkan aloitus
    23. lokakuuta 2021

    Food Tour

    23. lokakuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ 🌧 81 °F

    Day 1: In Leonardo DiCaprio’s famous words from Wolf of Wall Street, “I’m not fuckin leaving!” This place is paradise in more ways than just what you see on Instagram. It’s literally Day 1 of 30 and I’m already thinking this place shits on Hawaii. The water is perfectly calm and emerald greenish blue, and I’m not even to the pretty part of the trip yet. Why don’t we go to Thailand all the fucking time?? Oh ya, it’s 20+ hours away. It’s also moist 24 hours a day. Yeah, I said it, MOIST. I’m writing this as I’m watching an apocalyptic amount of water pour from the sky when just this morning I was planning on renting a jet ski since the ocean water is literally glass. In about an hour it’ll be perfect weather again as I make my way 30 minutes south to eat at the Blue Elephant, where I am an honorary guest of the owner’s (we’ll get to that).

    So, day 1. Food tour. Phuket Old Town Food Tour booked on TripAdvisor. Starts at 10am in front of the Central Market. I rent a motorbike (125cc scooter that rips, beep beep) for $9/day from some sketchy looking dude with tats that gives me a 2 minute demo and hands me the keys. Not my first rodeo so I zip down to Old Town in about 30min (it really does rip) and get there at 9:59am… no one’s waiting for me. I hit up the tour guide’s (Pema) number and she answers like when I answer a phone call hungover. Pema panics and races over 30min late because she had too much cannabis tea the night before.

    Pema is of Baba decent, which is a mix of Malaysian and Chinese. She’s 48 years old and looks not a day older than 35. She’s about 5 feet tall and is a pure ball of joy. She immediately gives me a hug and the groping begins, she’s very friendly. If you guys are as naive as I am, you think everyone here is Thai, which is far from the case. Phuket specifically has a mix of Thai, Asian, Indian, and Middle Eastern people, among others. If you also think of “Thai food” as Pad Thai, Pad See Ew, etc then you are equally right and wrong. I would just classify this food as “Asian” food but that would probably make everyone here upset. Our food tour did not have any “traditional Thai” dishes as the Western world may know it. Every dish was completely knew to me for the most part. “Nick, stfu and tell us what you ate.” - anyone reading this.

    Stop 1: a series of appetizers at a small restaurant across from the market with tiny little chairs and tables (everyone is small, I’m an ogre and people aren’t afraid to look at me like one). Pema has to give me two chairs although I’ve got a small ass. That’s how small this place is. Here’s what we ate:
    - Giamgoey: Baba Chinese rice pudding with dried shrimp and red chili sauce
    - PaoLang: Baba grilled sticky rice in banana leaf wrapped with sweet coconut & shrimp filling
    - Ming Kham: variety of herbs in sweet betel leaf wrap
    - Nan Bread: Myanmar bread NOT Indian (whoops)
    - Vegan Samosa
    - Chickpea Paste
    - Lamb Curry (again, not Indian, more oily. I prefer Indian, but it was still fire)
    - Tea Leaf Salad
    - Myanmar Milk Tea (tastes like Thai ice tea. Pema wasn’t thrilled with that response)

    Stop 2: dessert (already? I know. Pema’s a little cray but there’s a method to her madness) at a small stand run by a family that seemed to keep coming and coming from inside their shop. Snip snip my dude.
    - Bualoy Nam Khing: small sticky rice balls in coconut milk and with sweetened poached egg and a 2nd dish with big sticky rice balls with black sesame filling in sweet ginger soup. This was FIRE. Think of boba and giant stuffed boba in sweet coconut ginger soup.

    Just had to take a break from blogging to explode the mosquito feasting on my ankle. I got him, but he got me first. The itch from these fuckers is next level. Anyways…

    Stop 3: Blue Elephant. THE restaurant in town run by a Belgian dude and home for the rich and famous that stop by. They also run a prestigious cooking school so guess what I’m doing tomorrow… I don’t know who’s more stoked, me, or them after finding out I’m a culinary wizard hailing from San Diego with several Michelin restaurants and a TV show. I’m also eating there tonight :)
    - Butterfly pea tea (the color is a vibrant blue made from the butterfly pea flower. We use them in the states as an edible flower for presentation) and Bael Fruit Tea (apparently it’s an anti-boner fruit. No comment): both fire and refreshing. We didn’t eat here because “it’s royal thai cuisine” and Pema likes to support the less wealthy local family businesses.

    Stop 4: another local family owned restaurant that’s been around for decades. The owner is grumpy af because he thinks everyone’s out to steal his secret recipes. He’s not wrong.
    - Dried egg noodle with homemade wonton, grilled pork, fish sausage, fish “meatball” and all the sauces and fixings. This is the stuff I’m more familiar with. Yum.
    - Flattened noodles with red been curd and vinegar sauce, fried prawn, and squid. Here’s where shit gets weird. It also had congealed pig’s blood. Now I’m a trooper but this was tough. The dish was tasty don’t get me wrong but it’s a total mind fuck.

    Stop 5: the place had multiple food stands run by different families and each their own speciality.
    - fresh hokkian spring roll (made by a dude that was 6’4” 250lbs and looked like he ate his tiny family. Pema informed me he was training for a body building competition and took “some help.” I asked where he got some to make sure we stay clear of it obviously). These are not your traditional spring rolls we know back home, they have a crepe type of paper vs. rice paper and the fillings are all unique (dried shrimp and fried pork skin)
    - pork satay with massaman curry sauce: FIRE FIRE FIRE. I made my mans right down the recipe and promised I wouldn’t sell it. I lied.

    Stop 6: another dessert from a street stand belonging to Pema’s college friend and her brother. I thought they were husband and wife, whoops again. She also was not very happy thinking we were out to steal her secret recipe. “There’s a giant white man, stfu don’t say a word about what’s in it.” - everyone.
    - Baba banana jelly icing: think of shaved ice with fruit jell-o and finger bananas (yes tiny little cute nanners the size of my fingers…I have big hands I swear)

    Stop 7: small Arabic restaurant that’s also pretty popular and famous. Famous for their beef soup.
    - Muslim Beef soup: I thought this was Pho, but it’s better, way better. I asked how they made it and I’m sure you can guess what the response was.
    - Pandan crispi roti: dessert nachos with condensed milk frosting
    - “iced coffee” from a man that loves flexing on people with his “bartending” skills when he mixes the coffee. Don’t bring your gf here, she won’t be yours when he’s done.

    Pema was great. She LOVES to talk but in the best way, educating you every step of the way not only about food but about literally everything we walked by. She knows everyone and everyone (mostly everyone) was happy to see us. I realized at the end of the tour that we must have said hi to about an additional 20 people we didn’t get food from and then realized later that Pema was just using me as arm candy to show off to her friends. Her words not mine.
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  • Cooking Class at Blue Elephant

    25. lokakuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ 🌧 79 °F

    Since the last post was just pics, let’s have some fun with this one.

    So I whipped down to the same spot as dinner last night since they do cooking classes too and it was a blast. 30 min southeast on my Ducati (125cc Honda Click). Thai people are just always happy man. They’re happy, you’re happy, everyone’s happy (opposite of miserable ass Americans). Chef Molly was dope serving up all types of knowledge. Of course I did the whole “I went to culinary school” thing because I want all the attention and it worked until I burnt my garlic and shallots but we’ll get to my shameful performance later. The Blue Elephant was a historical monument/mansion that was going to be abandoned back in the day when a Belgian man decided to bid on it and restore it. His son owns and runs it now (pictured). If I was having “that type of trip” then his son is “that type of guy” where we would get fucking lost in Thailand similar to the movie Hangover Part II. Not going to lie, his offer to get lost was pretty tempting but I am a new man (no I’m not, it’s day 4).

    During peak tourist season (before Covid), classes are packed, around 20 students. Today, it was just myself and a cute little French couple (I call everyone little that’s a foot shorter than me). They spoke a tiny bit of English but very conversational. They asked “What’s your favorite French food?” For fear of sounding like a dumb American and saying French Onion Soup, which is legit my favorite French food, I said Foie Gras, to which they looked at me like I was a dumb American. I actually hate Foie Gras but I do this thing where if I’m having a brain fart I panic and say whatever comes to mind without thinking. I almost said Ménage a trois by accident, just so you understand my “panic mode.” Again, dumb American.

    Hold up, some couple is yelling at each other outside my balcony, gotta snoop. Ok I’m back, it’s an Asian language I clearly don’t understand but after watching the finale of “You” last night…I’m just going to mind my fucking business.

    Back to cooking class. Everything is made from scratch and the old school mortar and pestle is a must for making pastes that go into curry and dressings for salads.
    - Red curry with beef and pumpkin: crushed it, I felt like Steph Curry with the sauce boy (pun on Drake lyric). If you can’t understand my puns and humor just stop reading now, thanks for your time.
    - Tom Yum Soup: I order this sweet and sour delight almost every time back home but this was better. Spicy Thai Sour Patch Kids soup. What’s not to like.
    - Pad Thai: here is where I fucked up. From my training, I should know that aluminum pans get very hot very fast but I wasn’t paying attention because there was a cute dog watching my cook and reminded me of Winston. The pan got scorching hot and the garlic & shallots didn’t stand a chance. At that moment I wondered how much money it would take to get out of Thai prison but thank the Elephant God they were merciful. I came back strong and delivered a dish tourists would be proud of.
    - Not pictured, Papaya Salad: this is the salad that made me legit cry and wash my face last time I ate it my first day here. Thai chilis are hot, very fucking hot. About 5x hotter than a jalapeño in my opinion but wrong when we’re spitting facts. Thai chilis are about 50-100k on the Scoville Heat scale, compared to 2.5-8k for jalapeños…therefore about 15x hotter. Why is this relevant? Because of our dear, sweet little French couple who do not know what spicy means. I warned them to use 1/4 of what we were told to use and they did not listen to the dumb American. They were rushed to the sink to wash their face and were given lots of water (this doesn’t help at all FYI, you need dairy, but what do I know).

    After completion of the course it was time to eat everything we made and were given a certificate of completion. This brought back some very sad memories as I was never allowed to finish my culinary program and receive a graduate certificate due to the beloved pandemic. Friendly reminder to not eat Bats or if you are a conspiracy theorist, to not piss off rival governments for world domination. If you’re old enough and watched Pinky and the Brain when you were a kid, you should be smiling right now. Ellie, please ignore.

    Smile on my face, belly full, I’m ready to hop back on my BMW motobike and head home when I notice a few of the Thai servers and cooks huddled up giggling and staring at me. I ask Molly what’s going on and she says, “You look like Adam….from Maroon 5.” If you know me and my ego, this was “Very Nice!” (In Borat voice). I inform her I’m a few tattoos short, a few inches taller, several million dollars poorer, not lyrically or musically gifted, but I’m not not Adam Levine. So, I laugh and say “maybe I am.” She’s confused, then smiles, then confused again. I stop fucking with her and tell her I’m not Adam Levine but thank you for the compliment. She wants a picture anyway, as do the other women working at the Blue Elephant. This reminded me of the boys trip to Korea and Japan where no one was really sure if we were celebrities or not, so they asked for pictures just to be safe.

    Remember when I told you the shady dude rented me a motorbike (I would say scooter but this makes it sound more badass plus it’s what they call it here)? Well I was too excited to check the tires and the rear tire blew up on my speedy ride home. Thank god it wasn’t the front one or Winston would grow up without a father. Joie doesn’t count, he’s the funcle.

    Tomorrow is my Muay Thai personal training sesh, gotta get some sleep. The couple next door seems to have fixed their issues, or perhaps took a page from “You’s” book. Won’t ruin it if you haven’t seen it, but someone dies.
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  • Muay Thai, Jet Ski, Massage, Chill

    26. lokakuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ⛅ 82 °F

    Day 4 was pretty chill, except for Muay Thai.

    Revolution Gym is owned by an Aussie man named Tim, super nice dude who used to live in PB 30 years ago, small world. “I used to fuck everything down there.” No comment Tim, no comment. By the way I got my Harley fixed and exchanged for a new one because I didn’t trust the old one anymore. So I zipped over to the gym in about 11 minutes, doing an average of a breath taking 37mph. Yes I refuse to use the metric system like the rest of the world because…I’m a dumb American remember?

    I honestly forget my trainer’s name so I’m going to call him Little Man (remember my rule of calling someone “little”) Little man could whoop my ass with one arm and one leg, he asserted dominance quickly and reminded me of that dominance throughout training. There is no time or patience for getting it wrong, mistakes result in getting a punch to the body or kick to the leg, not kidding. I almost called my mom to come pick me up a few times. His training process worked because by the time I was done I was Jean Claude van Damme meets Chuck Norris, but gasping for air like Jared before Subway (too soon? Or not cool because of the kids thing?) This is for friends remember? Stop being sensitive.

    But honestly y’all have to try Muay Thai, the workout is intense. I’m sore in literally every area of my body today and I’m going back for more tomorrow. I might try to fight Little Man for real as payback or I might just take the beating and hold back the tears until I get back to my room, TBD.

    After training, I got a 2 hour “Blissful Day” massage for $55. They climb on the table, put knees and elbows into you, and I can’t tell if I’m sore from Muay Thai or Thai May, my masseuse. Her name is literally May, I just did a play on words, let me live. I’m getting another tomorrow, and the day after. Relax, no rubbies here, it’s a 5 star resort.

    Golden Seafood restaurant is next door on the beach and the best cooked seafood I’ve ever had. A whole grilled sea bass, 2 grilled jumbo tiger prawns, spicy salad, and of course, a coconut. The server called me dude and bro the whole time which I took offense to but remembered I have blonde highlights in my hair so totally warranted. BEST FOOD EVER because it’s my favorite kind of food. Everyone asks me, “OMG you’re a chef, what’s your favorite food?” I don’t know Brittany, probably Foie Gras (If you read the previous post, you’re giggling. If not, remember we don’t have to be friends). My favorite food of all time is fresh seafood on the beach. There was also a big cock staring at me eating, super intimidating, right ladies? I took a pic.

    Jet skiing was the only thing so far that was expensive. $50 for 30min, talked him down from $60, then felt bad afterwards and tipped him $10. I’m a good person I swear. The water is glass, not like the shitty jet ski experience on the SD Bay in the afternoon where I felt like I was either going to break my teeth on the steering bars or fly off taking a turn too sharply. I was just about to jump in the beautiful water when I spotted a big ass jellyfish. I’m seen Finding Nemo, I love that movie. I fucking hate jellyfish. I also got stung in the Amalfi Coast in the water at the Fiordo di Furore. Thought about asking big belly super tan gold chains tiny speedo Figaro looking dude to pee on it, then realized I’d rather suffer. His wife peed on it instead. Everything about this story is true….except the last part.

    Elephants tomorrow.
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  • Jaras Restaurant Experience - Dinner

    26. lokakuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ⛅ 84 °F

    I found Jaras Restaurant by doing a “fine dining” Google search. It only had 11 reviews, 5 stars. Then I remembered the last 2 years have been a ghost town. It’s located in the InterContinental Hotel at Kamala Beach, about 15 minutes south. So I hop on my single rider chariot built for speed not for comfort just before sunset. I’m greeted by a host when I arrive, they valet my hog, and I’m taken to my seat away from the main dining area like a celebrity. The executive chef shows me the kitchen and his pickling/fermentation room where I fucking geek out. What’s the temp in here? Humidity? How long? Where’s the weird shit? Then they intro me to the chef that will be personally responsible for plating and ensuring everything is perfect. Do they think I’m Adam from Maroon 5?

    The entire dinner was nonstop the most amazing service I have ever had. The food was unreal, deconstructed Thai food as you would know it, but arranged in a different way with beautiful plating. All ingredients from local farmers. “Farm to table” in the US is a marketing scam, here it’s the real thing. The fermented pork neck (if bacon and loin had a baby) was UNREAL. Every little detail was amazing. Only feedback: the crab cake donut was dry so instead of using pork fat to keep the inside moist, either use more pork fat or do the dumb American thing and add mayo and less breadcrumbs. The massaman curry I will 1000% be recreating back home but I don’t think they’ll let me fly farmed goat from Bangtao back to the states. The host would keep coming back, “done already?!” Yes, my sweet thai angel I have a problem with eating too fast, these tiny plates don’t stand a chance. Next.

    When dinner is over, they bring me a signed menu by the chef, a gift bag with some of the local ingredients used, and the Director of Food for the hotel comes over to say hello. At this point, everyone at the restaurant is staring at me and I even saw a woman in the corner sneak a pic. Being > 6ft is a vibe, I get it now ladies. Time to hop on my Nimbus 2000 and back to the crib. I have to stay one more night in Phuket on my last day in Thailand so the InterContinental might be the spot and I might have to have Jaras one more time.
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  • Green Elephant Sanctuary/Elephant Spa

    27. lokakuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ⛅ 86 °F

    Elephants!! First, my impressions of elephants prior to this experience: they are big, really big. They are scary because they are big. They do not belong under human care. They do not like humans. Horses are kinda big and kinda scary, therefore elephants are big and scary.

    After this experience, Elephants are not so scary, still big. Elephants do not belong anywhere but in LEGIT sanctuaries, wildlife parks, and in the wild. There are only 2500 wild elephants left in Thailand and they are in a protected park (similar to wildlife parks in Africa). The Green Elephant Sanctuary is a legit sanctuary among the various “riding parks” here in Phuket and everywhere in Thailand. I have zero interest in riding an elephant, a giraffe on the other hand…. Giddy up. There are zero chains or confinements, except at night when they sleep where they have massive pens that looked like something out of Jurassic Park. Apparently they are legit big dumbos that are constantly searching for food and clumsy af, so need to keep them in the pens at night to avoid them destroying the village.

    12 elephants, 2 herds (each herd was rescued separately). The oldest lady was over 60 years old and lost her teeth so she gets lots of bananas. The youngest elephant is a male and is almost 5 yrs old. Each elephant has a handler which is with them almost 24/7 and that trade/skill has been in their families for generations. They also live in little huts in the sanctuary village full time. The elephants follow them everywhere and listen to commands, it’s pretty cool to see. I fed each one sugar cane (sugar cane to them is like chocolate chip cookies to us. I fucking love chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin belongs in the trash) and bananas, and they bop their head and flop their ears with joy. These elephants live the best life, and love tourists since that means plenty of treats, mud baths, and play time.

    I’m over 6’ tall (I’ve made enough height jokes in previous posts, Joie is getting upset) so some of these lady elephants are easily 8-9ft tall, can reach up to 12ft and 6-12k pounds. They eat 600lbs of food per day so the lack of tourism has really hurt this place and their ability to keep the elephants fed while also rescuing new ones. Rescuing = buying them from “farmers” who use them as slave labor, or parks where tourists ride them improperly. The most recent rescue I wasn’t allowed to get close to since she only trusts her handler. She was rescued from a logging farmer/company who used and abused her for labor. An elephant costs about $60,000. A wealthy Swiss man who loves elephants owns the sanctuary and wanted to open a 2nd, but couldn’t due to the pandemic.

    Spa time. Each elephant can’t wait to get in the mud pit since that means scrub and massage time, same bro, same. You get dirty, very dirty. They should provide goggles because that shit gets everywhere. I learned that elephants are silly big doggos that have an awesome personality when they are treated well. They are very domesticated so if you ever see a wild elephant, running and screaming is still the move. After the mud spa, they move over to the fresh water pond where these cheeky little fuckers spray you with water from their trunk and roll around like children. I kept my distance from the rollers because it’s a fucking elephant, that’s why. Except little Po Po (5 year old Peter). He sits back on his hind legs and wants all the pets/splashes. The handlers call him “naughty boy” since occasionally he runs around and splashes everyone. Who rescued who today 🥺 (thank you Nicole Ngo)? We bonded. Look at his little face of joy in the first pic, I can’t.

    Next up is the jumbo dumbo (my phrase, not theirs) shower, basically a giant rain shower. Not a terrible idea if you have a mansion back home for all the weird stuff. The elephants again love it since they get scrubbed and cleaned while being fed treats. If Winston got to play in a mud pit with smiling happy strangers, then play some more in a pond, then get scrubbed all while being fed treats… you get it. They truly love these animals and the animals love them back, it’s heart warming. After the shower, I got to take a legit shower then was fed yummy Thai food. They pour their heart into the presentation, the way they cut the fruit into pretty shapes, and it’s hilarious how they think “tourists” only want homemade Thai chicken nuggets. I told them to make whatever they would eat and they were stoked.

    12/10 experience. The service was 14/10. 3 photographers, caretakers, full lunch staff, bathroom staff, 2 curators, and a driver. Appreciate the shit out of you guys.
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  • Chiang Mai Temples Tour - Monks

    30. lokakuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ 🌧 72 °F

    So I am pretty much the only 25-35 year old tourist in Chiang Mai currently, seriously. I keep booking tours or guides and they keep cancelling or TripAdvisor is telling me there’s a 2 person minimum. I’m a problem solver so I call a highly rated tour and say “hey do you want to make some money?” Next thing I know I have a private tour off the books (apparently not so kosher here) for $60 to show me all the temples (the good ones, there are hundreds) and walk me through Buddhism. Coincidentally, my guide used to be a monk. Pohn is the man, and funny story, Pohn is actually spelled like Porn, but was getting giggles so often by tourists that he went to the government office to get his name spelling changed to Pohn. He had no idea why white tourists were laughing at him for years. Poor guy.

    Porn, sorry, POHN was very detailed at every stop because I told him I was fascinated by monks and wanted to understand their ways (I’m currently reading “Think like a Monk”). Thai people have 5 main rules to live by, similar to our 10 commandments. Monks have over 200. Their purpose: create a minimalist society toward a path to enlightenment, or become walking angels if you will (it’s funny because they can’t drive or ride bikes). No temptations of any kind, no mirrors so they can check themselves out, and a daily routine that never changes. But why?? Don’t you want to make the sex? Eat pizza?? I know…of all the great things about life, I chose those. Clearly you’ve been eating shitty pizza. Their answer to “why” is very simple: everyone is fucking unhappy, and what’s the point of living if you know you will be unhappy. Every human needs to practice gratitude, peace, and kindness.

    There are city monks and forest monks. City monks wear a yellow/orange robe and interact with the community whereas forest monks wear a reddish robe and are all about meditation and the land. The temples are stunning. What I liked about them is that the detail is insane and there is meaning behind every color, jewel, carving, and statue. It’s not “just pretty” because people will think so, it’s all purposeful. We visited 5 temples in the old city, new city, and ancient city. The Silver Temple (new temple, almost finished) was probably the most interesting since I met the ladies that were actually carving the detail from the silver plating that was going to be put on the temple. They have been silver handlers for generations with nothing but a small hammer and a pick, and the detail is so intricate (see pic). Naturally, I asked if they had stuff to sell the white man. “Come with me to my secret room,” she said. It wasn’t a real secret room, I’m just playing up the drama. I bought a piece of artwork and would have purchased 10 more if I could fit them in my bags.

    Let’s talk about Buddha for a sec. I have to admit I knew nothing about Buddhism or Buddha. For those that don’t know, I am not a fan of being “religious.” We won’t go there. What I do like about Buddhism is that Buddha was a normal mortal man (just like Jesus Christ. Oh, whoops). His name wasn’t even Buddha before he became Buddha. He was born into a royal family which shielded him from anything bad in the world, he was constantly supervised and censored. When he ran off one day and was introduced to the pain and suffering of average people, he felt cheated. He was so upset that he decided to devote the rest of his life to a path of enlightenment and became the first monk (and was given the name Buddha). Also, this is just how Pohn tells it and this is purely from my memory (no I didn’t take notes you nerd) so if any of this is off then go kill someone else’s vibe. And just like what man has done since the beginning of time, any areas of unclarity were filled in by made up stories built on ego, power, and fear. Tada! Buddhism.

    Another funny story: Big Buddha. Big Buddha was a very handsome monk (striking resemblance to Buddha) who achieved enlightenment. He was followed by villagers constantly giving him food and donations for his looks. He was upset because he wanted them to love him for what’s on the inside, so he used his magic powers to get fat, testing the true love of the villagers. Let me tell that again but in simple speak: he felt like a petty IG model getting collab and promo requests so he ate all the food given to him by his followers until he got fat to see who his real friends were. Tada! Big Buddha.

    We stopped for lunch at Khao Soi Punawan (no English menus and only locals eat here), famous for the famous Northern Thai dish, Khao Soi. It’s delicious. Think coconut curry meats ramen, add chicken, pickled greens, shallots, egg noodles, crispy egg noodles, and a hint of lime. I had two bowls. They’re $2 a bowl. If I didn’t have Muay Thai training at 4pm, I would have had a third. I also may or may not have had dessert. Ok I had dessert. A coconut milk slushee with handmade gummy worms at the bottom. 7-eleven slushees go fuck yourself (it’s funny because they LOVE 7-eleven here), sour gummy worms can stay but these gummies were better.

    This is important: I was Pohn’s first tourist interaction in over 2 years. He said him and his wife jumped for joy when I called. They have a child. He also used to have an elephant that passed away. Crying yet? I asked how they made ends meet, and he said they started to grow their own farm and bought a couple chickens and were able to survive. If I learned anything today from the monks or Pohn, it’s gratitude. If you want to get deeper, pull up for a cry sesh when I’m back home.
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  • Zira Spa - Heaven on Earth

    30. lokakuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ 🌧 77 °F

    After the Temples Tour I had another 1 on 1 Muay Thai training sesh and again had the entire gym to myself. This place was cool because we trained in the ring and my trainer played hip hop the entire time. Another guy about 5’7” 140lbs that could deliver a spinning back kick of doom. A little more intense this time with spinning elbows and back punches, kick blocks, and counter elbows. You might be thinking, “Wow I hope no one pisses off Nick.” Relax guys, I’m a Buddhist now, this is purely for fitness.

    There’s obviously a reason I’ve been training, the main event. That evening the main event was at Zira Spa, where I took on a woman about 4’10”, 90lbs. You can forget my previous scriptures about a “Thai Massage,” now I know the ladies at the SAii Laguna Phuket were fakes (not really, this place was just sooo much better). No, I did not partake in Thai Tickle Twisty 3000, this was a classy place. They LOVE telling you about their “specials” or “promotions” as if anyone ever pays full price for anything there, witch please (this occurred on 10/30, yes I can still make Halloween jokes). I booked the traditional Thai Massage for 60 minutes knowing I would come back tomorrow and the next day for the 2 hour specials. Why not trick or treat yourself, you know? Ok I’ll stop.

    This place has a koi pong with fish as big as Winston and 4 floors of massage rooms. A place where people go to release, sorry relax*, stupid autocorrect. She shows me my room and there’s a jacuzzi tub in it, ok I’m including that tomorrow I told myself. She says put these on and I’ll wait outside. What the fuck? I’m not putting on pajamas, I’m getting oiled down right? Then I remind myself I’m a Buddhist now so I take some deep breaths and put on my ceremonial satin attire (cotton pjs). What happened next was life changing. A traditional Thai Massage is an acrobatic ceremony of pure bliss. This little woman climbed on my back like a spider monkey and snap, crackle, and popped every part of my body. She pulled my limbs using my body as a brace with her tiny little feet as leverage. She bent me like a pretzel and unrolled every muscle in my body like unrolling a delicious Cinnabon.

    I grimaced in pain and she asked “are you ok?” I thought to myself, how are you so fucking strong? Then something truly beautiful happened. She tried to bend my arms back as I’m in a cobra yoga pose and she couldn’t do it because I was too big of a human and I heard her grunt literally giving it her all but my body was not moving in that direction. She started laughing, then I started laughing and we laughed for a minute in perfect harmony. The main event ended in a tie that evening.

    You keep your clothes on so her knees, elbows, and forearms have grip when she’s digging into your muscles to loosen up the knots. I get it now. This is not a relaxing massage, this is acrobatic yoga meets blissful torture. Whatever you want to call it or however you want to describe it, I fucking loved it. I had a smile on my face from ear to ear when she was done, thinking to myself, “how in the fuck did she do that?” The massage was 499 baht (almost $17).
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  • Huay Tueng Tao Lake - Zira Spa Round 2

    31. lokakuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ 🌧 77 °F

    Today was a leisure day, no plans, no tours. I googled what locals do on the weekend and a popular thing to do is to go chill at the local lake about 30min out. So I hop on my bro-ped and check it out. This is actually a really strange place. Upon entry, there is an area with giant animals made of straw you can take pics with. Then there are several restaurants bordering the lake except the “seating” is a bamboo hut in the water. I google the best one and I have to admit, this was the most peaceful place in Chiang Mai so far. I ordered whole fresh water fish, Chinese kale (it’s like a sautéed spinach in a soy sauce of sorts), and some fried rice. Simple, super cheap (less than $10), and good. Had a little meditation sesh and took a nap. I’m telling you, this beats a Saturday rip sesh in PB where Sunday feels like the apocalypse. Lazy weekend picnics are now going to be a thing.

    So, Zira Spa round 2..Their spa menu is like a restaurant menu and if you guys have ever fallen victim to panic ordering, you know the anxiety I felt when I wanted everything on the menu and couldn’t decide. First, the 60 minute body scrub. Nice. Let me remind you I didn’t put on their man thong thing. 1. Because I didn’t want to and 2. Because it doesn’t fit. No not like that, I mean it’s just not meant for larger humans. I’m done showering, she hands me the man thong thing and says “you need to put it on.” Shit, she’s pissed. I’m a Buddhist now so deep breath and squeeze into the thing. How do I describe this to you… um… it’s a black fishnet speedo that covers nothing really. Let’s move on.

    So it’s oil massage time and I think she’s going to take it easy since it’s slippery right? Wrong. My little master masseuse hit me with the elbow and forearm technique again. Does she fuck up everyone like this, or is she just doing this to me? Is this about the undies? Anyway, another great performance. Little 15 minute meditation in the tub and it’s a wrap.

    Dinner was different (breakfast was also different, I went to Souls Kitchen, a 100% vegan spot for the best chocolate banana pancakes ever made). I went to Rad Rabbit, which is 100% vegan. Apparently vegan and vegetarian food here is big, I guess people got tired of traditional Thai food and I don’t blame them. After a while the tummy needs a break. Rad Rabbit is a vegan pizzeria so I had to try their Hawaiian (pineapple belongs on pizza, if you want to fight about it just remember I do Muay Thai), and spaghetti and “meatballs.” It’s definitely not pizza, but still fire. Well done. I’m serious about my spaghetti and meatballs and this was actually very well done. I was shook and gave compliments to the chef in the back. Maybe when I get back to San Diego I’ll go to a… haha no I won’t, just kidding.
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  • Trekking and Mountain Bike Tour

    1. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ⛅ 64 °F

    Finally, some jungle stuff. About an hour up north is one of the highest points in Chiang Mai, Mon Long Peak which is almost 5000 ft high. There are several hiking trails but this one is unique since you can maintain bike down the other side once you’ve reached the peak. I signed up for this on TripAdvisor and similar to Pohn (if you remember the Temples Tour), they have not seen a tourist in 2 years. I read the reviews and this was crowned a “beginner to intermediate” workout. Cool, let’s do something adventurous I’ve never mountain biked before. I did a 4 day, 25 mile hike from Cusco to Machu Picchu climbing from 8000 ft to over 12000 ft in elevation, I’ll be chill. Welp, I still have never mountain biked.

    This was not a chill hike. This was not a hike. It was a mountain climb. We climbed 4000 ft in the jungle after it had stormed the night before (the wet jungle is very different). 2.5 hours, 4000 ft elevation change and 3 miles uphill at 45 degrees later, doing a downhill slippery mountain bike ride would have been a long trip to the hospital for yours truly. The trail was so steep at times, there was a guide behind me to spot me in case I fell backward. At times, there was a tiny little river that formed down the trail from so much rain the night before. Dirt became mud that felt like clay when you climbed uphill. Everything was slippery. So what happened with these beginner/intermediate reviews?? They admitted that they looked at me when they picked me up and thought, this guy is in shape, let’s take him on a different trail. Ahhh now it all makes sense. I don’t like being stereotyped. I’m secretly a fat kid. Not chill.

    I’m actually not being dramatic, it was the hardest trek I’ve ever done and I’m stoked we did it. Got a chance to tap into that part of your mind when you tell yourself you can’t do something then convince yourself you can and then do. It was fun and I’d do it again trying to beat the 2.5 hour time, but not after a storm. The guide said he pushed his mountain bike up the same trial last week in under 2 hours. Neat, I can throw a spinning back punch. “You should have brought bananas and snacks for energy.” He said. I should have prayed to Buddha riding the elephant god for a dry jungle but here we are. And I did bring snacks. I was eating them while I was gasping for air during my rest break when you were practicing back flips from trees. I liked this dude don’t get me wrong but he was like the guy in PE that tried too hard, you know? He even asked me if I wanted to run up parts of the trail that were dry. I said “You go! I’ll watch.” Like a parent watching their kid to a shitty dive into the pool because the kid screams watch me dad 100 times. “Uh huh, I’m watching,” as I reach for snacks and pour water over my face.
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  • Ksushi for Dinner > Sushi in Tokyo

    2. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ⛅ 79 °F

    If you read the title of this post, you think I’m exaggerating or crazy. Sushi in Tokyo was special, the fish were carved up that morning, but this overall experience in Chiang Mai was better. There have been a few nights where I just stumbled out of the Airbnb and Google a restaurant nearby because I’m tired. That was tonight. That morning I had hopped on my scoot it and boot it (iykyk) and headed to the Sticky Waterfall. Short story: you feel like Spider-Man walking up the waterfall because the calcium rich water from the mountain spring keeps algae away. All you have to do is put your crocs in 4 wheel drive/sport mode.

    I was actually stopped by the police on the way out there and my two wheel gas guzzler doesn’t “speed” so I thought to myself, here we go. “International driver’s license?” He said. I told him I left my fake magic carpet license at home. He took me to the captain dude, who said “500 baht.” I was in a funny mood so I said, “Oh thank you! I thought it was going to be 600.” They all looked at each other and did not appreciate my joke. The old me would have tipped him 100 for his service, but I’m a Buddhist now. Sorry to the next white person they stop and make it 700.

    Ksushi: a small, intimate, and very nice restaurant located in a very dark and sketchy alley. I was dressed in a hat, tank, shorts, and floppies, my Thai special. I actually look like a very tan, beach Jew by now, it’s weird. Needless to say, the restaurant staff is not impressed to the point where they won’t let me sit inside (there are nicely dressed Thai businessmen inside). I giggle and tell them outside is fine. He hands me a menu and I want everything, like always, but I really want the Omakase. They say they don’t have any more seats at the chef’s counter (they have 1 left). Again, because I look like a bum. How do I get inside I wonder… ah, let’s use the chef card. “I’m a chef from California,” I say, and 10 minutes later after a discussion among their team, I’m inside. An hour later, I’m being served the chef’s secret moonshine and being asked to stay after closing to drink the night away. Funny how everything works out.

    Kong is the chef and trained at Blue Ribbon in New York. He has some serious sushi skills. The precision on his cuts, all of the details of the sauces, the weirdest fish I’ve ever had somehow tasted familiar, and all 16 courses were fucking perfect. The only course I’m meh about is Uni because I have a mainly meh/hate relationship with Uni. You serve me Uni and avocado together and you’ll see some scary. I wanted to try the spicy blue crab and he made me a custom hand roll free of charge. I wanted to try some rare whisky, he forced me to try all 3 of them then made the server run to his car to get his “award winning” Thai Brandy I had to try. I told him it wasn’t that kind of trip and I had to call it early because I had to be up at 4am to which he responded, “Good it’s only 9pm.” Turns out I was the first tourist he’s spoken to in over 2 years. I was serious when I mentioned I’m the only white guy in Thailand right now. I stayed until 10 to be polite, watched the server’s face turned pale when I tipped 1000 baht, and was on my way back to the airbnb with a smile on my face.

    The video in this post: the fish is Toro (fatty blue fin tuna) which is like $40 for a few small pieces in San Diego. It’s the wagyu of the sushi world. You don’t touch it, just eat it. I don’t even put soy sauce or wasabi on it. Kong lit skewers with a blowtorch and I said, “You better not dude,” leave it alone. He proceeded and I have to say my dumbass that knows nothing about sushi was wrong, it was fatty and smokey delicious. If you are ever in Chiang Mai go to Ksushi (make a reservation, Chiang Mai is open to tourism now) and say hi to Kong for me, awesome guy.
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  • Sunrise Doi Suthep & Hidden Temple Tour

    3. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ☁️ 66 °F

    I already did a temples tour and am pretty temple’d out. I’m up at 4:45am (not happy), out the door at 5:15am, at the most famous temple in Chiang Mai by 6am. It’s still very dark out and we climb 72 steps to the temple at the base of Doi Suthep Mountain. The monks are doing their morning chants (Buddha scripture readings. Think of priests reading from the Bible in perfect harmony and rhythm). The sun rises at 6:15am and this is where things turned around. It was something really special. I’ve seen sunrises before, 90% of which I wished I didn’t see, but for the 10% that were also really cool, this one takes the prize. Scattered thunderstorms is the typical weather forecast here during the rainy season so what you get in the distance is this mix of clouds, sun, city lights, and rain. Super unique.

    You’re in the jungle so you hear the monkeys, sunrise roosters, jungle dog barks, and a high pitched screeching noise made by the Cicadas (insect, it’s loud). Pohn is once again my private tour guide (he spent about 7 years at this temple in his monk days), so he educates me on how this location was chosen. 700 years ago, the king had a white elephant (sacred animals). The story goes that the white elephant chooses the spot for where a temple must be built. The elephant climbed the mountain and stopped at 2 locations (the first was the Hidden Temple, we’ll get to that), the 2nd location was where the elephant laid down and was where the Doi Suthep Temple was to be built. Maybe the elephant was just tired from climbing the mountain, but I wasn’t going to suggest that.

    The temple is stunning; a huge pagoda made of pure gold (painted to look like it), flowers everywhere, beautiful sculptures, etc. There were also dogs everywhere, monk dogs. They were very protective when we arrived, I was told to stand perfectly still until they were done inspecting me. After the monks are finished with their morning chants, they make their rounds collecting food from the visitors. A bow is given to the monks along with the food, and they in exchange bless you after you make a wish. I wished to bring home the doggos, kidding. One of the dogs hopped up on the bench next to me where I was sitting and brought me a rose pedal in its mouth. There are a lot of stories of wild dogs biting people so apparently you never want to get “too close.” Fuck that, he brought me a rose pedal, he gets all the pets. One of the monks came over and tried to make the dog leave me alone and the dog wouldn’t budge. Pulling his ear, nope. Yelling at him to come, nope. Finally had to drag him away from me. This dog was my spiritual Winston 🥺.

    Our next stop was the Hidden Temple, because you guessed it, it’s hidden in the jungle and not a lot of people know about it. This place was something out of a movie. It reminded me of the feeling I got when I saw Matchu Picchu for the first time, you can’t describe the beauty. A water fall runs through the middle of the temple on a hilltop with unreal views and overall serenity. The pictures don’t do it justice. I met a couple nice monks, one of which was shredded. All monks are either skinny or fat, nothing in between. So I ask Pohn, what’s up with that guy? “Oh him, he climbs the mountain every day,” in his robe…and sandals. I realize at this moment I am destined to be a forest monk.

    Before Pohn drops me off at the train station we stop at the “Thai Denny’s (my phrase, not his)” since I told him I would treat him to an “American breakfast.” Apparently there’s a sandwich there he loves, which was a cheeseburger with a fried egg on top. It cost $1.50. If Pohn’s happy, I’m happy. That’s a wrap on Chiang Mai, on to Pai.
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  • Pai Pam Bok Waterfall

    4. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ⛅ 79 °F

    Before I get to the town of Pai, let’s talk about the “bus” to Pai. The “bus” is a minivan that is completely packed with people. It’s a 3 hour ride with exactly 762 turns (it’s a well known fact), and I’m in the very back window seat. Thank Buddha that Kong gave me a few drinks the night before and my jungle temple tour with Pohn started at 5am that morning because I popped some anti-sickness pills and slept the entire way…well almost. I woke up to soldiers with a drug dog sniffing the back of the van, where my and only my luggage was kept. I’m half asleep so I don’t care, sniff away, until I realize the roughly 3 grams of weed the airbnb host gave me is in my bag. It’s actually in a side pocked completely exposed to the dog’s nose. I can’t make this shit up, I’m dead serious. So internal panic mode sets in, I wake up, and start visualizing myself getting Thai tattoos in a jungle prison for the next 10 years. “Shit Nick, what happened?” You’re probably wondering. Well I’ll tell you.

    The drug dog (a German Shepard) fucking sucks at his job, that’s what. I could smell the weed from the back seat but he couldn’t. We were on our way to Pai and I’m back to sleep. I promise you I’m a very intelligent human being, I just packed the night before when I was a little buzzed. Thanks a lot Kong.

    The small town of Pai is super cool and unique, it reminds me a lot of Berkeley mixed with OB but more extreme on the hippie scale. The is the only place I’ve seen tourists so far, and they don’t actually count as tourists since almost all of them have long term visas. I love the hippie vibes, restaurants, cafes, yoga spots, and live music at night, it’s a chill vibe. I’m staying at the Nest House, a little 1 star jungle hut hotel with the bare minimums (no A/C sucks balls) and I actually don’t mind it at all. There’s even a nifty mosquito net to save me from these blood sucking monsters.

    Quick break, I’m in a cafe enjoying a coffee watching a white woman chase her runaway Thai dog down the street. Caught the dog and gave him/her a quick spank then loaded him/her onto her scooter and drove away. I love Thailand. Reminder that there are stray dogs EVERYWHERE. My Muay Thai trainer this morning showed me his gnarly dog bites he just got so they’re not all Winstons.

    Back to the post. love 5 star resorts, I love nice shit, but this was perfect. It reminded me of my last solo trip to Costa Rica when I stayed in a similar place. It humbles you, which is exactly what I need right now. The first night I stop for dinner at the Gyoza Queen stand, because who doesn’t love Gyoza. I’m watching her hand make the Gyoza then fry them in a cast iron pan so of course I have to try. 6 gyoza for 50 baht, or less than $2. FIRE. I then cross the street and get a Banh Mi sandwich that’s very popular here. FIRE. 69 baht, $2. I visit the local clothing store and buy some swag. First night is a great success.

    Wake up the next day and head to the Pam Bok Waterfall, which is pretty poorly rated on Google but reading closely it’s because there isn’t enough water in the dry season. It’s been storming so I decide to go. About a 20 minute broom vroom and I’m chasing waterfalls. No words for how cool this waterfall is, squeezed in between two canyons, plenty of refreshing water to take a dunk in. I stop by the Container Bar on the way back with a dope vibe and even better view. Of course, I’m the only one there since I have Thailand to myself apparently. A coffee and fresh coconut later, I’m on the way back to town for lunch at Two Sisters just up the street from my hotel. Pad Thai, Khao Soi, Tea Leaf Salad, and a smoothie for less than $10. FIRE.

    Pai is a vibe.
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  • Pai Canyon

    5. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ⛅ 81 °F

    No, I don’t filter my photos, Pai Canyon was just that unreal. It’s their version of our Grand Canyon a tiny percentage of the size, but still very picturesque. Small little areas to squeeze through, very slim walking areas with cliffs on your left and right (yes, stumble and you either die or close to it), and sunsets you have to see to believe. I’ve had the privilege of traveling all around the world seeing stunning sunsets and this was definitely in the top 3. #1 Peru, #2 Costa Rica. By the time this trip is over I’m sure those will change. It’s only 15 minutes south of Pai and my only regret is not coming here for sunrise as well.

    Earlier that day I did some Muay Thai training again. The goal is to do it in every city I’m in and so far I’m 3 for 3. Why? Because it’s an amazing workout and it’s their thing, it’s also a cultural experience and a chance to vibe with these guys. They’re actually really funny and if they hate the way you do something they will let you know, they keep you humble. They’re not afraid to hurt your feelings because they legitimately want you to get better, and they slap you around a bit. The guys in the picture are the trainers and you might think they’re out of shape but they’ll prove you wrong quick. I’m definitely continuing this in San Diego.
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  • Koh Phaluai and Ang Thong Marine Park

    7. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ⛅ 82 °F

    I arrived in Koh Samui and was picked up by Jar, my private driver the Airbnb host recommended. I booked a secluded hilltop villa overlooking a semi-private beach and views for miles. This was VERY secluded. The host, his wife, and doggo live on the bottom floor of the villa which is completely isolated from my area. I have my own wrap around deck, outdoor shower, and access to the villa’s infinity pool ($70/night), as well as a 2 bedroom 1 bath living area. A slight upgrade from my hut in Pai.

    First day in Koh Samui was spent well. I booked a catamaran snorkeling island hopping tour on TripAdvisor and just like all of the other tours I booked so far on this trip, they messaged me saying there were not enough people to do the trip, but suggested a different tour. I said sure, this has worked out for me so far, I’ll take a private island hopping tour. So this was not so private, 24 people on the speedboat. 20 Thai people on vacation, and 2 German couples. All of which were surprised as hell to see the American, especially the American by himself. The only people that were not coupled up was a older Thai man on vacation with 5 women. He was wearing a baseball hat, glasses, cargo shorts, floral Hawaiian shirt, sneaks. He didn’t stop smiling the entire trip, I wonder why (5 women with him). He immediately sees me and wants to be friends (the other Thai people looked scared of me and the Germans literally wanted nothing to do with the American, at least at first).

    After basic small talk I ask for his name and he says, “Call me Add, A-D-D,” and in the 2 seconds I have to think, several jokes are running through my mind but I tell myself, “No Nick, he won’t get it, be normal.” I say, “I’m Nick, it’s a pleasure to meet you, but my friends call me Subtract.” He roars in laughter. I apologize and tell him we Americans think we’re funny. Like everyone else, he says he hasn’t ‘seen an American in a long time and he’s been to Madison, WI (work stuff), and has done a drive from LA to Oregon on Hwy 1. He hates LA; I tell him don’t worry, we all do, he laughs.

    Our first stop on the tour was to take pictures around Monkey Island (there are no monkeys, the island just looks like a monkey, see pic) then on to snorkeling. Honestly, I’ve had better snorkeling in Hawaii and the Bahamas but still fun. There are tiny little baby jellyfish in the water (think of Dori from Finding Nemo and the Squishy), except they don’t sting you. They only bop around and look like specs. In actuality, they do sting a small bit but feels like a baby zap. No worries, unless I see a big one, then I’m fucking out (I wrote about my experience in Italy).

    Next stop, the viewpoint over Emerald Lake/Blue Lagoon and surrounding islands. You have to climb some almost vertical stairs for about 20 minutes to get to the top and wow, see pics. The lagoon/lake is made from the ocean water pouring through some small openings in underwater caves and since you are not allowed to swim in it (protected by the national park), there are fish everywhere and it’s undisturbed. It’s stunning.

    Next stop is lunch at “Number 1 Seafood” (yes, seriously) on an island where we ate the Thai basics and got to check out the Great Hornbill eating some bananas. I called it the banana head bird, see pic. After lunch, we stopped on another island to climb to the top of Pha Jun Jaras view point. I read in the reviews that this climb is tough, but these are just tourists, what do they know. Apparently they know enough, because this shit was not easy. 5000 ft climb to the top, almost vertical stairs carved out of the mountain. This was actually really entertaining because the chain-smoking Germans were dying, followed by the Thai girls who kept yelling things in Thai translated to something like “fuck this.” One of the girls kept yelling “Hiyah!” As she took her steps and I was laughing very hard.

    The Germans had deep accents and if you’ve never heard a German accent, it’s quite funny. In an effort to bring peace (remember, I’m 1/2 Jewish), I was cheering them on telling them their delicious cigarettes were waiting for them at the top. If you can’t tell, I try to use humor in situations where I meet new people. We all make it to the top and a guide gives the girls a sniff of Amonia (apparently it wakes you the fuck up), and the Germans didn’t understand what it was. I try explaining, and one guy says, “Oh, it’s like Cocaine.” I start laughing and say yes, except it won’t stop your heart right now. We all laugh and I tell them my funny story from Berlin (this is a PG13 post). We’re friends now.

    After getting dropped back off of the villa I order food for delivery since I’m so damn tired, and quite honestly it was trash. I’ll stick to DoorDash, fuck off Food Panda. In all, it was an amazing day and it taught me to be ok in awkward situations. I’m sure I’m probably a pretty cold human when you first meet me but then I warm up, just like some people on the boat today. There are some people like Add, that are fearless in social situations, and I love him for it. Everyone is a little different and that’s ok, I’ll be a lot more approachable next time.
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  • Fisherman’s Village - Ko Samui

    8. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ ⛅ 81 °F

    Coco Tam’s is a beach club/bar in Ko Samui that has really cool fire shows and jet ski hover board guys that come on around 7pm. The vibe here is Mykonos meets Tulum but absolutely zero partying because 99% of people are still scared to come here due to covid or due to the fact that Ko Samui is still about 90% closed. Almost everyone here is Thai and on vacation similar to how we would go to Hawaii. Thailand is still about 75% closed based on what I’m seeing and hearing. That 25% is perfect for what I want out of this trip but it’s becoming more and more clear why I haven’t seen one American so far, and I’m understanding why everyone is staring at me with disbelief everywhere I go. Even my driver asked me what I was doing here, “There’s no party…you get massage? Nothing else to do” he said when he picked me up. If I’m being honest he asked if I was planning to go get “boom boom.” I laughed and said no man, I’m just here to chill. He was shook as apparently every American just comes to Samui to get trashed (short ferry ride to the Full Moon Party.) Should we start the U-S-A chants now or later?

    I’m not writing about Chaweng Beach because I went there, and it was scary abandoned. Hard Rock Cafe looks like the zombie apocalypse came and went, restaurants all closed, even 7-Eleven is closed! The only establishments that are open are massage parlors, a couple fake designer stores (I may have purchased an LV belt for $10, I can’t recall), the gym (really nice gym I spent a couple hours at to kill time), and an Indian food restaurant where I had the best Indian food I’ve ever had. Chicken Tikka Masala, Garlic Naan Bread, veggie biryani, and a salad. FIRE. I had literally been walking up and down the street looking for restaurants Google claimed were open but every time I would locate one.. closed. Ok, walk 15 minutes down the street to the next.. closed. Ok walk back down this alley.. closed. I’m sweating profusely at this point, and I walk passed this man sitting in front of his restaurant and I stop to Google it, seems legit. “Are you open?” I say, “Yes, yes, yes” he says.

    I tell him I’ve been walking around and failing and he replies “it’s been like this for 2 years, you are first American.” Common reply by now so I tell him I’m hungry, let’s get it. I order Indian food like once every 2 months. It’s not that I don’t like it, I do, there are just other cuisines higher on my priority list. Plus, my experiences so far have just been meh. Indian curries and Thai curries are completely different by the way. Anywho, the food was amazing. Not heavy, super clean, spice was perfect, crushed it. What I’ve come to learn about telling people I’m a chef is one simple thing… when I compliment them on their food, it makes them feel that much better because of the credibility.

    I have done this several times here in Thailand when I genuinely love the food and I can see their faces light up, I can even hear them celebrating in the back (I don’t understand what they’re saying but it sounds jolly and I can hear the word “American or California” and “chef” being used.) Funny thing is, I’m not a chef. I couldn’t officially finish culinary school due to covid. I have never worked in a restaurant. But who the fuck cares? I know food. I also know restaurant owners here who have been devastated worse than we have in America and cannot fucking wait to serve people “normally” again. A compliment goes a long way. Appreciating their service goes a long way. They are not expecting a tip and are very surprised when I leave one. They just want an opportunity to have a business again.

    I’m tearing up just writing this because 90% of restaurants I have been in on this trip have been empty and super excited to seat me. I ask them all how they’re doing, “Not good” they say. I try to order enough food for two people and watch their funny reactions. I have not been disappointed so far and I let them know every time how much I like it. If they don’t speak English (about half don’t), I use Google Translate to type up something nice to them about their food. I must confess last night I couldn’t finish a soup dish because my mouth was on fire and I was crying. I apologized for being such a wimp then ordered bananas soaked in coconut cream like a giant baby. This was “European spicy” they said, not even Thai spicy. My driver made a joke about spicy food, “Men need spicy for sexy, women need spicy to stay sexy.” If that’s true bro then I’m locked and loaded because the only non-spicy food here is at breakfast. I don’t know what he meant about women and I’m scared to find out.

    It was also my final night in Samui so I decide to take a dip in the pool and enjoy a cloudy sunset.

    Bonus: I left my credit card at the sushi restaurant in Chiang Mai I wrote about previously. I messaged my buddy and chef, Kong, and guess what arrived at my Airbnb in the mail? I asked to mail him back cash to cover the cost and he said no. I promised to pay it forward. Thank you.
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  • Khao Sok National Park

    11. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ 🌧 75 °F

    A 1.5 hour ferry ride from Samui then about 4 hours of van shuttles and I’m in Khao Sok. One of the world’s oldest evergreen rain forests, older than the Amazon. I read about what I was getting myself into, but I honestly had no idea I would be in the REAL jungle, I imagined another Pai hut living situation. My bungalow is legit in the jungle with a river outside of the balcony. I woke up this morning to monkeys on my balcony and in the trees making all types of noise, usually it’s just roosters. The hotel owner warned me to not leave the doors open because the monkeys are clever enough to find a way in and make a mess. I laughed, but she was dead serious. The restaurant next door is along the riverbed and there are bats that fly very close over your head at night. The jungle makes ALL types of noise at night, a symphony of mammals, amphibians and insects. It’s also pitch black, so walking back to my bung from the restaurant (about 300 meters. Yes, I’m a metric guy now) after dark was a mistake. The only light outside at night is my phone flashlight. Surprisingly enough, after night #2, I was used to it and relatively unbothered.

    Khao Sok is also known for snakes, spiders, and wait for it…. Leeches. Also something I didn’t do a lot of research on until I was already in Thailand. The bug spray they sell here has leeches on the bottle, that’s how common they are. If you aren’t terribly familiar, don’t Google it. I needed to know what to do if/when I get them on my body. They aren’t painful but just annoying and scary. I won’t get into the details, don’t Google it. I don’t spook easily but the darkness, the sounds, the leeches… I couldn’t help but wonder that maybe I pushed the comfort zone a bit far. Again, after day and night #2, I wished I stayed another night. I was told the park tours weren’t running because of the lack of tourists but I got lucky and squeezed in with a Belgian couple this morning. An hour ride to the where the long tail motor boats take you out on the lake off we went.

    Let’s start with the cave. Let me preface by saying I’ve been in caves before. Let’s choose 50 Americans at random, I would guess 30 wouldn’t have gone in more than half way. Joie would have ran out. Google a movie called “The Descent.” That’s what this cave felt like. Creepy level 10. If you don’t like the dark, small spaces, spiders, or bats, this ain’t for you. Crawling on all fours to get through passages and spiders the size of your hand were a thing. There’s no light except your head lamp so if those went out for some reason… So obviously terrifying, BUT fucking rad, I loved it. Our guide told us, “Don’t worry nothing in there can kill you. Hurt you, sure.” I dropped a lot of F bombs in there. Honestly, I was good but the spider got me. We shined our head lamps on it for a bit then away for a sec, then back on it and it was gone. That’s when your brain has to remind your body how to breathe.

    Let’s talk about the lake. Pure beauty. The water is emerald green and there are several canals lined with mountainous rain forest peaks. It reminds me of Avatar. The most peaceful and serene place. We stopped at a floating resort for lunch (there are a few of them on the lake. Floating huts you can stay in) and had some mediocre food, a beer, and I took a kayak out for a nap. The only thing I didn’t like about the lake is that there’s no history, it’s a fairly new man made lake. Has to be in of the most beautiful lakes in the world though. There were some gnarly sounds coming from the rainforest and trees moving around in the distance, and then the guide reminded us there are wild elephants roaming around. Prior to that my mind immediately went to every movie ever with the big scary thing coming and moving trees out of the way as it got closer and closer. I know, I need to chill, I’m meditating.

    Like I mentioned, after day and night #2, this place honestly became one of the most peaceful places I’ve ever been to, regardless of the endless sounds and/or darkness. I love it here. I think everyone might have a minor freak out moment at first but I can’t get over how pretty it is. I just sat on the river’s edge today for a couple hours. I have to admit I had quite the mental battle with going for a swim but remembering the whole leech thing just terrified me and I couldn’t do it knowing that if I did it, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. Soon after I saw about a dozen Thai people tubing down the river having a blast. After day and night 2, I had an amazing breakfast waiting for me with flowers decorating all the plates, my own private view into the garden, and even made friends with the hotel owner’s friendly black cat (I hate cats, or I did. I’m a Buddhist now) which sat on my lap as I ate breakfast.

    The owner, May, made the best brownie, butter cake, and banana bread EVER. I told her she needed to sell this shit and she showed me her jam/marmalade making business. She sells bottles online and records classes for people to subscribe to online and make them at home. I told her I loved her side hustle and if she was in the states, she would crush it at Whole Foods, Sprouts, etc. She pulled up a chair and we chatted for an hour. She’s managing a once very successful eco-resort prior to the pandemic, after working for a US travel agency that went bankrupt (everyone does everything online now obviously), and has 2 kids to take care of that can’t go to school physically. She has a smile on her face everyday and literally puts little flowers in all my food. She texts me every night asking what I want for breakfast the morning after. She sent a wire transfer to my driver in Koh Samui today because it would be too difficult for me to do it, or mail him cash (I left my souvenir bag at the ferry office and my driver, Jar, went to pick it up and mailed it to my next destination in Krabi). The kindness and love I’m experiencing on this trip is unreal.

    I was honestly embarrassed to tell her my last job did a number on my mental health. I was embarrassed to tell her I wanted more money when I was making more than enough. Embarrassed to tell her I was a perfectionist to a fault. I told her anyway, she was a good listener. She said, “We made good money and then we made nothing for 2 years. We turned into farmers and lived off the land. I created the online business because I’m passionate about food and it makes me happy, we managed. Happiness and family is the most important thing.” I told her about my culinary experience and she really wants me to chase that career like her friend did. I told her we can be WhatsApp penpals and I’d keep her updated. She is genuinely interested in knowing how well I’m doing in life when I get back home. I bought 4 bottles of her marmalade. Bless this woman and this beautiful place of peace and serenity.
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  • 4 Island Speedbooat Tour - Krabi

    14. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ 🌧 81 °F

    The last week of the trip will be spent in the Krabi area, including Koh Phi Phi (where I am now). The Phi Phi islands are part of the Krabi province and about an hour from Krabi Marina. I stayed in a villa in Krabi just above Ao Nang beach, filled with restaurants and tourist shops. About 50% of this area was open and I had 2 tours cancel on me until I found one with enough people to let it ride. A tour is just the best way to explore all of the nearby islands vs. having to book a water taxi to each one. But first order of business immediately upon arrival…rent the best machine ever developed by man/woman, the Honda Click 125cc. 0 to 100km/h (metric guy now) in a minute flat. First stop was the best tailor in Krabi, and maybe anywhere in Thailand, King’s Fashion. It usually takes 2-3 fittings (3 days) to get a perfectly tailored suit to fit your body. I ordered 2 suits the first fitting, then somehow by the 3rd fitting I had 3 suits, a winter blazer, and 4 shirts. I couldn’t resist, the cost was just so much less than the US (time to get dressy in SD).

    I honestly hated the sales guy though. I kept telling myself, he’s just excited to see a customer, let him be. Imagine a used car salesman that pops the trunk and is also selling snake oil. Literally spewing lies left and right, pretending to almost die when you say it’s too expensive (First offer was. Same price as US tailor). All I had to do was read reviews to find out what a “final price” was. “Please let’s not do the back and forth dramatic negotiations, it reminds me of work,” I said. He went on and on about how I’m his favorite customer and his boss is going to give him 20 lashes then lock him in a dungeon for a week if he finds out I was given these rates. I eventually just said in the nicest way, please stop, I’ll pay whatever you want if you just stop talking. He even tried adding 5% PayPal fees at the end because he forgot the credit card machine (I spent almost a grand so Thai Baht wasn’t an option) and sent me a charge with a note which read “please cover the 5% 🙏🏿 .” I said no shot, and he replied “no worries at all, I’ll take care of it.” I won’t single out where he was from but he wasn’t Thai. Regardless, the tailor work and quality was really well done so all smiles here.

    Ok back to the tour, as always, the boat was almost 100% Thai tourists…and then me, until we picked up 2 women from Spain at Railay. Per usual, everyone stares at me like they haven’t seen an American in a while, or ever. I’m used to it by now, I politely smile when I catch them. Sometimes I forget I’m wearing a mask so I always make sure to do a quick dip of the head, a condensed version of a bow. I usually get one in return. First stop was the famous Railay Beach. I had no idea it was a very popular location for rock climbing and if I hadn’t injured my big toe a while back (it’s taking 6 months for my toenail to grow back, sorry TMI), I would be 100% down, it looked awesome. The cliffs and jagged rock from the cave hanging over the water is beautiful. There were two signs at the beach I couldn’t ignore…1) jellyfish fucking everywhere, beware and 2) Portuguese man of war jelly fish spotted, be fucking aware. If you don’t know what that is, ask the Google. That to me is equivalent of a sign for sharks, so I chilled on the beach.

    We stopped at 3 more islands and snorkeled at 1 one of them. The islands are stunning. They remind of the islands in the Bahamas but a lot more flora, fauna, and landscape. Bohemian waters are a light blue everywhere, these waters were an emerald green, and every shade of blue. Visibility wasn’t great because it was cloudy but the water is literally bathtub temp. I met a 14 year old Thai kid that approached me with, “You are an American right?” I said yep, technically. “I have questions,’’ he said. I laughed and said “Ok, go.” His English was very basic and I’ve learned on this trip to speak slowly and get rid of all slang. “Are there sharks and snakes where you are from? I like sharks and snakes.” “Yep, big ones, that eat people.” I replied. We went on for 30 minutes about sharks, snakes, free diving (his clear attempt at flexing his skills which I gladly entertained to make him feel like a boss), the jungle, and tv shows/movies. His dad watched from a distance smiling and bowing at me every time I looked.

    Soon, everyone on the boat wanted to ask me something. I really just want to wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m approachable I promise. No, I am not famous or an athlete. I have 2 Moderna vaccines (that is a very common question and people are stoked when they hear Moderna like it represents royalty or something)” in Thai. That night for dinner I went to CoNam, which was very highly rated. Of course per usual, I’m the only one there. I start to chat it up with the server and I asked about that. He said they used to serve over 800 people per day. The food was the best Thai I’ve had so far on the trip and it cost be less than $10. Massaman Curry was fire. The chicken skewers with spicy peanut sauce, fire. Crispy roti, fire. Again, I tell him I’m a chef because I hope it makes them feel good about their food. Again, it works. He wants to tell me all about it. He stands and watches me finish my food from a distance. I keep looking over, he keeps smiling at me, I keep giving him a thumbs up. This warms my heart, and what it’s all about honestly.

    People are always curious about why I went to cooking school, and it’s really simple as I described in an earlier post. It brought me closer to one of a few universal languages, food, something that brings people together regardless of anything else. I can only think of art/music and love being the other two. Food is an expression of love, creativity, and culture. My next post will include a similar food experience after my next boat tour yesterday.
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  • Phi Phi Islands Speedboat Tour

    15. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ 🌧 81 °F

    So I booked the Phi Phi Islands tour knowing I would be spending 3 nights in Phi Phi later because every tour is about 50/50 on cancelling due to lack of tourists and I didn’t want to miss seeing the islands in case everything cancelled in Phi Phi. I wasn’t disappointed. Well, after I got over the morning. I woke up and it was pouring rain, dark grey, gloomy. You start to question your plans for the day, but I remembered the positive thinking parts of Think Like a Monk and told myself to grab some coffee and fucking handle it. I was really upset I didn’t make time for myself to meditate and do breathe work like I do on most mornings and to no surprise, I was grumpy as fuck the entire morning. I don’t and won’t preach about my awakening experiences on this trip because that’s too fucking cliche, but I will tell you this: the book says the only way you know meditation, breathing, etc is working is if when you don’t do it… you miss it. I’ve been doing a half ass version of all of these things now for a few months and really went for it on this trip…it works. I’ll stop there.

    We got rained on for an hour straight. It was cold for the first time in almost a month, everything was wet. I was not happy to say the least. Trying as hard as I could to be grateful, to think of the positives, but sometimes you’re just pissed and can’t shake it. We’re about an hour into the boat ride to Phi Phi and almost at our first stop when the clouds clear, the rain stops, and the sun is trying to break through. We arrive at Phi Phi Lagoon and I start to feel like a big dummy for being such a brat (to myself, not anyone else), IT’S BEAUTIFUL. I haven’t seen anything like it before. A giant emerald green pool with cliff rock formations surrounding. I am so thankful for the lack of tourism because there are about 10 other boats when typically there’s literal traffic coming in and out, 50+ boats. I jump off the boat and go for a swim, just tread water and float on my back staring at the cliffs overhead.

    At that point I tell myself this is a learning lesson and one I’m so grateful for because until you experience the shift in mindset from negative to positive, you won’t realize negative energy is 100% wasted energy. My negative energy didn’t awaken the sun gods, it didn’t do anything to help anyone including myself. It probably made everyone on the boat terrified to say hi to the poopy American. Reminding myself I’m in Thailand and not at my job I hated over the past 2 years didn’t work at cheering me up, nothing did. I can only hope next time reminding myself of the time I wasted on negative energy for a couple hours of shitty weather, will change my mindset. Visualization is a powerful mediation technique and one I’ll include in my practice moving forward. Ok let’s move on.

    Next stop was the Viking Cave. It’s called that because there are Viking writings inside the cave but unfortunately it’s closed off to tourists. Sad because that’s the shit I live for, real history is fascinating to me. I’m obsessed with ancient civilization, ancient treasures (don’t ask why, I can spend a hour on Google searching for lost treasure, it’s a thing) etc. I’m secretly a dweeb, a big soft nerd, surprise. Snorkeling around the corner was the real treasure though and I’m really sad I forgot my waterproof phone case on the boat. It’s about a 150 meter (you get it yet?) swim to a private small beach with cave-like rock formations hanging over the white sand (just like Railay). Everything from the beach to the boat was snorkel town. The guide said anyone that spots a black tip reef shark is lucky/gets good luck. Guess who spotted one? This dweeby soft nerd. He/she was like 1 meter (not a yard or 3 ft) long, little dude/dudette. All types of colorful fish. Characters from Nemo were all there (I fucking love that movie).

    Next stop was Maya Bay where Leo Dicap’s movie, the Beach was shot. It’s illegal to go onto the beach, but we got close enough. The guide made a joke, “Line up to take pictures with Leo (me) at the front of the boat.” I laughed, saw a few smiles, but that’s about all. The audience was literally all the same as the trip the day before. Maya Bay is picturesquely beautiful and maybe one day I’ll risk Thai prison to swim to shore. Next stop was Monkey Bay where you can stop to hang out with the monkeys but the guide informed us we would get close enough for pics but the monkeys here have known to be a little too frisky. Cheeky little fuckers have bitten a few people and swam up to boats and tried to steal them like little Jack Sparrow pirates (only one of those is true). Final stop was Bamboo Island. Pristine white sand beaches, water waist deep for meters and kilometers (catching on yet?), and a box lunch courtesy of the tour that was actually quite good. Fried chicken was fire. After lunch I found a nice cushy spot to do some breath work and the mediation I missed in the morning, felt amazing.

    In all, it was a perfect day, even after the cold and rainy morning. That night, I had to do my 3rd fitting for the suits, return my bro-to (that’s a play on moto), and buy my mom some gifts so I ran out of time to get dinner. I Googled the only place open by my villa since I had to walk and it was late, and found a pho stand. A woman with a few tables and chairs and a food cart she was serving out of. It honestly looked sketch but all street food stands aren’t very inviting. It’s soup so it’s the safest of foods to eat (bacteria gets killed when water boils) so I said fuck it. I also was in a meh mood since I had just got finished dealing with snake oil used car sales suit man so I needed some comfort food.

    This woman was serving up the most delicious chicken soup I have ever had, better than any pho in SF, SD, or anywhere else. It was 40 baht per bowl, that’s just over $1, and you get a good size bowl with all the fixings you want to add, and a big chicken leg. I had 2 bowls. She spoke some English and she knew I liked it after ordering a 2nd bowl but when it was time to give her 80 baht, I told her “You should charge more,” and handed her 200 baht (just under $7). She didn’t know what to do, I honestly think I made her feel uncomfortable but my intention was so pure. I told her it was the best chicken soup I have ever had and I wish I knew about her stand earlier since I leave tomorrow.

    On to Phi Phi where I’m back to resort life at the SAii Phi Phi Village Resort. I’m actually typing this up right now in a beach chair at the SAii and the sun is setting behind me and the hills. It’s starting to sprinkle a little and I don’t mind it at all, but then a rainbow forms like I’ve never seen. A full rainbow from one side of the sea horizon to the other perfectly wedged in between the the 2 hills and also perfectly in front of my view of the bay. The sky turns burnt orange, pink, purple and it’s one of those moments where your jaw drops in awe, and I look around to see everyone gathering from the resort with the same expression on their faces.

    There’s also a “Love Tree” here where you and your sigo buy a heart and put your names on it then hang on the tree. I think I booked a honeymoon/anniversary resort on accident… I’m used to everyone staring at me awkwardly except this time it’s because I’m alone, not American.
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  • Scuba Diving

    17. marraskuuta 2021, Thaimaa ⋅ 🌧 79 °F

    My final activity day in Thailand… SCUBA. I did scuba diving in the Bahamas 8 years ago so I’m thinking this is going to be same same. Similar, but definitely different. I remembered it being so much easier back then, but maybe we were much shallower. Had to watch a 20 minute PADI training video, took a quiz, then we took a massive dive boat out to Phi Phi Ley (where I did the speedboat tour). We practiced in a pool for an hour before we went out in the Bahamas but the practicing was done in the open water here, and was about 15 minutes long. Pretty much all the “what happens if shit goes wrong” techniques. Since I dove before, as long as I wasn’t panicking I would be let off my “leash” to do my own thing. Quick fact, I am actually scared of the open ocean. Humans should not be in there, that’s not our element. Important thing for me is visibility, or not knowing if there isn’t visibility.

    There was a very nice Pakistani family from Islamabad joining us and only the wife was diving. The husband is terrified of the ocean. Our instructor was awesome, a young dude from Brazil, Marcel. He told me the other diver would need a lot more attention and I said ok, no worries I’ll figure it out in typical confident fashion, knowing damn well if I see a sea snake I’ll pass out (they are among the most venomous of snakes, Google it). The schedule is 2 dives, 2 locations, about 45 minutes each with lunch in between. We aren’t allowed to dive more than 12 meters (I’m sorry, it’s here to stay. Almost 40ft) unless certified. That’s pretty fucking deep so two things become difficult: 1) equalizing the pressure in your ears and 2) regulating your breathing.

    1) Everyone has experienced pressure in their ears, either in the water, or due to altitude change. Except in the water it happens way faster and is way more intense. You need to equalize that pressure every meter or so. In other words, plug your nose, then blow air out through your nose. The air has nowhere to go except… you guessed it. That needs to happen all the fucking time, or else your head explodes. No not literally, but it’s very painful. I had trouble with this because it’s a simple and subtle process but I was blowing too hard and made myself dizzy for a few seconds…then my right ear hurt…10 meters deep, then the panic breathing starts and you have to calm yourself down. On to breathing.

    2) Regulating your breathing simply means smooth deep relaxing breathes. Under water, you tend to breathe much harder, or at least I did at first. When your lungs fill up with air, you float to the surface, when you breathe out, you sink, simple right? Not so much. So when Marcel let me go off on my own, I have to stabilize on my own, meaning I have to know the right amount of air I’m taking in vs. breathing out or else I float or sink. This is called buoyancy. You are equipped with a buoyancy control device (BCD) but I’m not experienced enough to know how to use it. It’s basically an inflatable tube you wear with a control switch on inflating/deflating to stabilize you under water. Because I don’t know how to use it/don’t want to, Marcel said I have to use my breathing to control buoyancy. At first, the constant thought process is, “Shit, too deep of a breath, I’m going up. Quick, blow it all out. Shit, I’m sinking too fast I need to de-pressurize my ears I blew out too much too fast. Shit, I’m sinking too fast because I’m not breathing due to me focusing on my ears. Quick, take a deep breath.” You get it? This takes a little while to get right. Oh ya, and don’t look now but there’s a shark.

    First dive about 5 minutes in, black tip reef shark pops up to say hello and takes off. He/she was about 5 ft long and honestly, not scary at all. Far more afraid of us than we were of him/her. Next up on the underwater zoo of fright, the Giant Moray Eel. This fucker was scarier than the shark by far, looking at me dead in the eyes as he popped out from the coral. He wasn’t so scary at first just seeing his face but then more of his dad bod popped out and he was a big boy. I made sure to take a deep breath to give the guy some space. The coral is every color you can think of, fish everywhere (I kept thinking of Finding Nemo). Schools of yellow snapper all tightly formed together, hundreds of them. Crazy looking starfish and sea urchins, sea cucumber looking things, and some fish that are not shy at all swimming right up to your face.

    2nd dive was much easier since I was way more comfortable in the water. There were times where the instructor was busy with the other diver and I would just go off and hang out with the camera man (he knew how to spot all the cool stuff). Checked out a lion fish but not too close since their poisonous, a bed of sea anemone with little Nemos playing in it (my favorite part of the trip), and a giant sea turtle. The camera man kept telling me to get close but this dude was large and we were interrupting his delicious coral dinner. So I take some shallow breaths in and some deep exhales and get real close, then the turtle turns around and looks at me like he wants all the smoke. I tell the turtle I understand this is his domain and I apologize for interrupting his din din (in sign language of course) and we have a legit Mexican standoff until I swim the fuck away. I understand he’s harmless, but maybe he’s smart and goes for my air tube, who knows. I have a furry son at home.

    Definitely the best way to wrap up my trip and I’m definitely getting PADI certified on my next trip.
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    Matkan lopetus
    20. marraskuuta 2021