Recovery…?

A few signatures on paper in a strange Advocates office, on a damp day in Paris, the end of a chapter. Not one I ever wanted to finish so soon. Walking out into the fresh Paris air on a cold autumnal day. One last hug and we parted for the last time. I had mixed feelings of sadness, relief and excitement about the future. Throughout my travels this year, there were days when I thought I just wanted to disappear, it took everything I had not to cry and shrivel into a ball in the corner feeling unworthy. I just wanted to be appreciated for who I was, loved and held just for being me. Isn’t that what everyone wants? I sat and rode my bike with the pain, sobbed and laugh with memories, then pop them like little stones into my top pocket and will continue to carry them with me like small scars. But they are no longer boulders that roll over me, just reminders of the storms I have survived. The darkest times can lead us to the brightest days and the most toxic people can teach us the best lessons. The most painful struggles allowed me the greatest growth and the most heartbreaking of losses made room for more amazing people in my life. Even when it’s scary and tomorrow seemed such a long way away, it took all my strength just to keep going, realising that going back to the past is not an option, the only way was forward, battling the moments, to get back to the path I was meant to travel. I fell into a million pieces, I decided which parts of me to pick back up and rebuild, leaving many parts of me behind that I had outgrown. This is now the phoenix phase, the rebuild of the new, stronger me. The signature on the paper today was societies way of officially ending a chapter, but chapters end before signatures, and ends indicate new beginnings. We are all stronger than we think, but are we brave enough to face the pain head on and make the necessary changes to rebuild ourself. That’s the real scary part and where the real work begins. I will no longer mould to fit where I don’t belong anymore.Read more