Gozón

Today started out like an Easter egg hunt again, finding the arrows and shells leading us out of town. We came across a beautiful church where mass was about to begin. We stepped in, said a quick prayer, and got back to finding those arrows. After about a half an hour of working our way out of town, I looked at my app and realized that it wasn’t on the ‘blue line’ we normally follow, but we kept following the yellow arrows and ended up bypassing a couple towns and shaving off 1.4km. Finally migrating off the blue line worked in our favor! We had a little rain about an hour into our walk, but it was cool so wearing the Packa (a zip up poncho) wasn’t like cooking inside a sauna. Amen. I found myself getting very negative and anxious when I had to pull that sauna thing out. You know by now, I can’t stand walking in the rain. I couldn’t tell if it was going to keep going all day or if it was just a gentle reminder that it’s part of this lovely adventure. As I walked along dirt tracks I asked myself why I got so much anxiety over the rain. I think most would prefer not to walk 15 miles in it, but it felt different. Like more than how others might react. Then it hit me. Montana. 21 day survival trip my parents sent me on when I was 15. It rained 7 of the 21 days. I still remember exactly how many days it rained. How there was no washer/dryer (of course), how everything stayed wet and damp most of the trip, ill fitting boots, one change of clothes, and how I was sent there and had no way out of it. There it was. My resentment, fear, frustration, and just plain anger over that. I was put in the middle of Montana for sneaking out my bedroom window and smoking cigarettes. I wasn’t told about this plan until the day my parents drove me over to Spokane and dropped me off. I was with about 7 others who were a couple years older than me hooked on cocaine, smoking pot, ripping off their employers, and running with gangs. They were rich kids from New York, LA, and one from Florida. I didn’t feel my crime fit the punishment. I was stuck with these ‘bad kids’ and it was an absolute nightmare. I cried as I recanted that memory. Why did my mom go along with my dads militant idea he read about in the Spokesman Review newspaper? Why not just parent me? Why ship me off? Wasn’t the last time I was shipped off either. Why didn’t my step sister have to go? My step brother? They did the same stuff and worse. Because their mother wouldn’t have allowed it. I felt unprotected then and it surfaced today. In the rain, and again, I felt like I had no way out and no one had my back. Didn’t expect to be processing this today. But, I guess it was time! Gotta love the Camino and how it pulls out those little bits of my childhood that were highly disturbing, unforgettable, and so fricking unfair. Not feeling like a victim. Please don’t think that, victim mentality has never been my thing. Just working it out so it doesn’t stay inside and fester anymore. I have choices now. I have a say-so in my life. If I want to walk through the rain, I can. If I want to hail a cab, I can. Today I hung with it because I chose to. And it was just fine. Before long the Packa was being put away in the backpack and I was strolling through beautiful forests in the cooler weather. Felt really cleansed and blessed.
Holly and I walked within sight, but with space, with no talking, and it was so peaceful. This is whėt I needed. She probably did to. We aren’t here to drink all the wine in Spain or be a tourist. The remainder of the day I didn’t force anything to surface, I just surrendered to what the Camino wanted to show me, and maybe that was plenty for the day.
My legs felt good, my feet kept stepping and I completely enjoyed the rest of my day of walking. It felt like a short day being only 14 miles. Never thought I’d say that haha!! So much better that those 20 mile days. We had time to get clothes washed and hang them on the line to dry. Dinner is at SEVEN! Not 8!!Yay!! The albergue we are staying at is really nice and clean. The lady runs a tight ship, but she’s super friendly. There is a big lawn with a teepee, horreo (converted to sleeping quarters) and lots of tables and chairs to relax in. Nothing in this town to explore, so it’s a perfect oasis to just be and truly rest our bodies. The next few days are easy breezy. Only 10-12 miles. But, we still have a couple big ones left on the itinerary. We are inching our way closer to Santiago! It doesn’t seem so far away now, but still a couple of weeks. My phone is about dead, need to charge, it’s the device getting us from point A to point B every day, so it gets a good workout!! Time for both the phone and I to recharge. Love you all, peace be with you, and for myself, remembering that every single storm runs out of rain.Read more