100 Skies without You

I'm sitting in a cafe with a steaming hot chocolate in front of me waiting with some anticipation for the tourist office to open so I can get my pilgrim's passport and 'begin' my journey.

Lots of feelings and people I'm carrying with me and feeling full and sad at the same time. I've been wandering gathering last minute supplies a and questioning some of my packing choices. But mostly thinking of Abby and what I can carry for her on the camino. She has been on my heart a lot the past few days my brave strong daughter still carrying her Loss with courage, dignity and oh so much wisdom. I turn a corner in the old city and am assailed by the scent of flowers - and it comes to me forget-me-nots those beautiful blue flowers (just like her eyes) that bloom and die so quickly yet still ask us to remember and love them again.

Thoughts of Abby lead to Zoe and the loss surges again, I have missed seeing my fierce brilliant daughter these last years. the photo I carry of her a round happy child sitting on my lap on a swing at the beach. I just have to trust again that in time the hurts will fade enough for the talking to begin.

Cam also is on my mind, the purity of his longing for a secure intact family mirrors the loss and heartbreak I feel about Corinne. It's hard not to imagine her here beside me, soaking up the beauty and the coffee, holding hands and dancing in the square. I also remind myself that that would not have happened anyway.

So coming back to now, 20 minutes till opening time (well its Spain so maybe 25)

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