Costa Rica & Guatemala 2024

Where am I today? Who am I today? Do I exist? What is my purpose? What and how am I experiencing this strange thing that is my life? Again, style and questions borne out of what I'm currently reading, At The Existentialist Café by Sarah Bakewell, and Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I reserved both these e-books quite a while ago from the wonderful Toronto Public Library system, and both became available at about the same time so I checked both of them out. They are an interesting contrast, one non-fiction, the other a novel, and seem to play well off of each other.

Going down the existentialist learning path is fascinating. If I have understood correctly, it has its roots in Phenomenology (Edmund Husserl, Martin Heidegger), the philosophical study of objectivity and reality (more generally) as subjectively lived and experienced. It seeks to investigate the universal features of consciousness while avoiding assumptions about the external world, aiming to describe phenomena as they appear to the subject, and to explore the meaning and significance of the lived experiences. And for existentialisn, I'll cede to wikipedia (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism), "The labels existentialism and existentialist are often seen as historical conveniences in as much as they were first applied to many philosophers long after they had died. While existentialism is generally considered to have originated with Kierkegaard, the first prominent existentialist philosopher to adopt the term as a self-description was Sartre. Sartre posits the idea that "what all existentialists have in common is the fundamental doctrine that existence precedes essence" Regardless of what it means, from reading At The Existentialist Café, I find myself at the moment, quite aligned with Simone de Bouvoir, specifically her uncertainty and confusion about what it all means, which I can totally relate to. I look forward to reading her writing and Sartre at some point in the future, should I continue to exist, if indeed I even do now.

It does feel to me that I am currently existing in a place called San Marcos La Laguna, on the shores of Lago Atitlan, Guatemala. It is one of the most hippie-like places I have ever been to, and it definitely has a very unique energy which "healers", yogis, therapists and alternative therapy practitioners and the town also maintains a steady community of nomads and expats. I am always of two minds when I come across these types of places and feel full of contradictions. I like the vibe, to a certain extent, but I also feel some of the people here are so full of shit and so full of themselves. I also feel that there are many lost souls here, searching for the latest thing that might help them find some sort of meaning to their lives. But at the same time, I love that this alternative way of thinking and being exists. I find myself floating somewhere between this "spiritual" world and the more grounded world that I have to live in most of my days. I think I may at heart by an optimistic sceptic, and so, no matter how beautiful and spiritual a message may be, a part of me remains sceptical about the whole thing.

I have some more to say and pictures to post, about my very special time in Santiago de Atitlan, with Pierre and Simona, two beautiful souls I met while serving a 10-day Vipassana course in France last Septemeber.

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