Northern Europe 2023

From Cardiff, we set out on an almost 4-hour journey by train to Liverpool via Chester. As we were about to pull into Chester station, we struck up a conversation with a guy getting off at the station. It turns out that he was a Brazilian artist who was a little unsure of where he needed to be. We were all going to Liverpool, so he tagged along.

We arrived at Liverpool Lime Street station and ordered an Uber. It had our pickup point miles away - yes the Brits still use miles! Jason couldn't understand the Uber driver’s accent and after several minutes of repetition with no end in sight, the Uber driver gave up and cancelled the booking. Take two!

We eventually arrived at our accommodation, 15 minutes outside of Liverpool city centre. Immediately we realised that we were staying in a rough area, with lots of seedy looking characters. I lost count of the people, seemingly under the influence or recently under the influence of meth amphetamine, with the telltale signs of scabs and sores on their meth face.

Near where we were staying, there was a beggar who stood at the traffic lights asking for spare change. With each set of lights, he would race towards each car. In the distance, another guy, hunched over wearing a zip-up cardigan, quickly paced up and down the street, muttering the same phrase over and over: “you shouldn’t have been born”. We saw him later on and the only thing that had changed was his catchcry.

It wasn’t long before another episode of Jason's Lost World was in production. This time, it was his wallet that was the focus of the episode. No doubt this episode will be on repeat over the next few weeks. It already feels like the same episode has been on a perpetual loop.

With his wallet found and not lost, we set out to purchase some provisions for the week. The reviews of the corner store near our AirBnB were not good but there wasn’t much option. Whilst the caged counter was a further sign we were in a dodgy area, we frequented the shop many times throughout our stay with no issue. We did have our first interaction with a Scouser – the local term for someone from Liverpool - and her daughter who wanted a chocolate. But her mother wasn’t paying one pound nine for it. The little girl kept saying in a strong Scouse accent “yes, you will”. No, she didn’t.

We’ve fallen in love with the Scouse accent. They drop the H at the front of words and Ds and Ts at the end of words. Their Es and As are different too. Before long I’ll be a Scouser too.

Our first taste of Eurovision was at the Euro Village with a performance by Go_A, a Ukrainian band who participated in 2021. They had the crowd bopping and even had the entire crowd dancing is a giant circle. While technically Eurovision is apolitical, Kateryna Pavlenko, the lead singer, shouted to the audience: “Russia is a terrorist state”. There were also merchandise that said “food is cool but Putin’s death is better”. With Russia banned from the competition, there was definitely an anti-Russian sentiment.

That night as we got ready to go to the Euro Fan Club to see the Roop, the Lithuanian entrant from 2020 and 2021, it was time for Jason to have a meltdown about his outfits. He'd bought nothing to wear, despite the weeks of planning, packing and repacking.

The next day, we met up with others from the Australian Eurovision Fanclub, Trish, Paul and Kerryn Murray, before heading to the first Eurovision semi-final, and playing wingmen to Trish Can Fish. The 2-hour show treated us to a spectacular display of Eurovision’s finest. We’ll be back to do it all over again on Thursday for semi-final 2.

All the excitement made us work up an appetite. It was as if we’d been out drinking all night as we stumbled into the local pizza and kebab shop. As I walked into the shop, a guy in the street asked why I was covered in glitter and eye makeup. I simply replied with: “it’s Eurovision, mate'. That seemed to satisfy him and he went on his merry way. I did feel as though I'd been transported onto a British soap opera TV film set, with endless terrace houses lining the Liverpool streets.

On day 3, we headed into the Euro Village to see Käärijä from Finland. On the way, Jason asked a Scouse couple for directions to the Brian Epstein statue. Beatles memorabilia is everywhere in Liverpool city centre! They became our tour guides for the next half hour, going out of their way to show us local attractions.

The thing that has endeared us to the city of Liverpool is the people, so friendly and welcoming. We had one woman stop to ask us if we needed help. She said we looked lost. She also said it was strange to see so many tourists in Liverpool. The people genuinely seem to be proud of their city and willing to embrace Eurovision. Another woman stopped In her tracks so that I could get video footage of the city. She didn't want to get in the way. Anywhere else in the world, people would have continued to walk in front of the camera. Even the pizza guy was interested in what we thought of the city.

On our third night, we went to the Euro Club to see Conchita Wurst and Tina Carol. Rumours had it that Dannii Minogue was in attendance in the VIP section. But alas there was no Dannii to be seen. She was probably in the bathroom powdering her nose 😉. As we left the main venue, we ran into one half of the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest winner Ell & Nikki. Jason ran over to Eldar Gasimov (Ell) like a teenage school girl who got to meet her rock idol.

The following day was a late start. We needed a little recovery time before heading out for an even bigger night for semi-final 2, where Australia battled it out for a place in the Final. We also had a night out at Euro Club to see Jedward and Nicki French.

As we entered the arena complex, there were TV presenters scattered around the entrance. Dressed in white and with the Australian flag wrapped around me like a sarong dress, I tried to photo bomb the interviews. Who knows which European TV station I was broadcast on! In the arena itself, we vyed to get the best position to maximise our chances of getting on camera. Look out for two Aussie guys in fluro-coloured LED glasses!

Just before the show started, we ran into other Aussies in the audience, including two-time Australian Survivor contestant, King George, who gave his seal of approval for our LED glasses. We even got a “well played” by the notorious game player. I guess we can only take that as a compliment.

We had worked up a hunger, so, after the show, we stumbled into KFC, nano-seconds before they closed the doors on the hords that were descending upon the establishment. It gave us enough sustenance to get us through the next few hours at the Euro Club. We sat and ate next to two British guys who were commenting on the weather – as the Brits do – saying it was almost like a summer evening. It didn't feel like summer to us at ten degrees as we sat in puffer jackets.

As we lined up outside the Euro Club, some British boys commented on our glasses and asked where we got them from. I replied that we bought them in Australia. The Brit looked at the flag I had draped around me and said “oh, and you’re supporting the UK”. No, unfortunately the Union Jack remains a reminder of our colonialist past. I'm not sure that they were familiar with our flag, they had to ask if King Charles was still head of State. This sparked off a tirade about how they could have their monarchy back and how the monarchy should return the blood diamonds and everything else the Brits have stolen from others. If that happened, it probably wouldn't leave much left in the country.

It was inevitable that Jason's Lost World syndrome would catch on. It took a hold of me, not once but twice. The first time, I couldn't find my LED glasses, which were integral to our Eurovision outfits; how else are we supposed to get noticed on TV? The second involved a much greater search party. I almost needed to call state emergency services to assist. I methodically upturned the entire room trying to find my dental retainer. Jason had great joy in passing on his disease, as the smugness began to grow on this face: “there’s one for your blog!”. I still say my lost world is a much calmer and rational one 🤣🤣.

One of the Australian guys from our a Eurovision fanclub who has been dressing as Finnish entrant, Käärijä, has found his fifteen minutes of fame when a BBC mistook him for the real deal. They went to air with the story, only later to be corrected . Viral like a rash!

On our penultimate day, we decided to spend the day exploring our local neighbourhood. We had recognised that there were an eclectic group of people living in the area. It seems like a working class area with little pretence. Later in the evening, our suspicions were confirmed by another Scouser who admitted that they wouldn’t venture into this area themselves. They seemed truly amazed that we felt safe walking around decked out in glitter and all things Eurovision.

During our travels around our neighbourhood, we stumbled upon a community bakery selling homemade goods. It was a temptation we couldn't resist and downed the Scouse cuisine in minutes. Insatiable Jason was like Oliver Twist begging for more, but if he's to fit into his Eurovision Final outfit some sacrifices need to be made.

After a quick nap and before we knew it, we were back on our daily routine to catch the bus from Tue Brook to Queen’s Square in the city centre and then a brisk walk to the Euro Village in Pier Head. Although this time, it wasn't meant to be. Signs indicated that the entry wait time was more than an hour. We could see from afar that the venue was at capacity. Instead we trotted off in search of more food.

Our third night in a row at the Euro Club included performances from Jemini, who are infamous for receiving zero points and coming last in the 2003 Eurovision Song Contest. With twenty years of practice, there was some improvement. But they were clearly outdone by the Swedes, Cornelia Jakobs from last year and Charlotte Perrelli, winner of the 1999 contest.

As we waited in the bitter cold for our Uber, two young scousers stumbled by and stopped us to adjudicate their dispute. Something about a jumper being offered to the friend but he didn’t take it and the other accused him of renigging. The one thing we all agreed upon was that it was bloody cold.

The anticipation of the final of Eurovision had been building all week and now it was upon us. The preparations for the big night started early. I mean time is needed to look Eurovision spectacular. Dressed in a green crop-top and matching green make-up, this was my homage to the Finnish entrant, the crowd favourite for this year. Jason went a bit more industrial goth, with a black mesh shirt.

For some reason wherever we are in the world, we are mistaken for Germans. I really think that we should be given honorary German citizenship. Australia just never seems to cross their minds. Maybe we’re too far away to even contemplate.

We arrived around 5:30pm at the M&S Arena in Pier Head and had an hour to wait until the gates opened. There was already a buzz in the air: Eurovision fever! As we waited, we struck up a conversation with two Greek girls who live in Bristol. They thought having to drive three hours was a pilgrimage and a half. That was nothing to our 30 hours. They were disappointed with Greece not qualifying for the finals but understood the reasons. It was a lacklustre song with rather drab costume and stage design.

As soon as the gates opened, we did an Olympic 100-metre dash, sprinting to the standing entrance of the arena to get prime position on the barrier. Everyone had been comparing the shape of the stage to a penis. For the Finals, we positioned ourselves to the left side of the head, but not as far as the shaft. We stood bopping to the Eurovision songs of yesteryears, along with our Eurovision partner in crime, Trish.

The tension of the contest came to a head in the final televote counting. Sweden was the jury favourite and had been picked by the bookmarkers to win. It became a showdown between Sweden and Finland. Käärijä from Finland had won the hearts of the public, but this was not enough to get him over the line. Throughout the voting the crowd were chanting “cha, cha, cha “, the Finnish song for this year. I thought a riot might break out if Finland didn't win. The uproar is still continuing for some.

With the show over, we moseyed to Euro Club for one final night of Eurovision dancing and frolicking. Again, we ran into King George from Australian Survivor again, draped in the Aussie flag. We bopped about until it was time to take Jason home for some well-needed rest before heading to our next destination.

Next stop: Dublin.Læs mere