Globe Trotting Trio

When life tells you no, listen. Don’t fight it, watch as it unfolds. And you end up in places like Mikawa. And Ainakura. And Hakuba. They weren’t on your list, but well, somehow you were exactly where you needed to be. Like drinking whiskey with your host family until midnight. Bathing naked with strangers who love Ichiro. Walking alone in a snowstorm on a deserted road. And, it’s either tomorrow or not in this life. But let me back up.

As a planner I don’t set out on an adventure unprepared. Except for this week, in which we 1) lost our transportation, 2) didn’t research accommodations, and 3) got hit by a huge snowstorm. The train station in Kyoto was a mess in this order: incorrectly paid for the wrong ticket and got booted from the platform by security. Found a kiosk and paid for the correct train fare. Got booted a second time because the train only has reserved seats. Walked all over the station looking for “green” to reserve seats, missed our train only to find out: it’s sold out anyways. Unknowingly purchase the only seats available on the upcoming trains (first class --- it was either that or ???). Ride first class (it’s brilliant), and then illegally transfer onto a local train without paying because your child’s dream is to see Red Pandas and a fortuitous small town apparently has a zoo?

Frantically get your luggage out of the lockers and jump on the train to a town no one knows, but it has an available B&B. There is only one track, so you must be going in the right direction? It’s starting to rain. Stop for 45 mins at the transfer station. Pick up an adoring conversation with three 16-year-old girls (they’re smitten with your son) and do their English homework.

Have the most exceptional dinner of poisonous puffer fish (your host drives you around because it’s a small town and he doesn’t trust Google Translate) and then drink whiskey all night with him and the other B&B patrons. Your son loves the Japanese room because he thinks he’s a character in Demon Slayer. Also, your host thinks you’re poor and you eat dinner at the 7-11. Hit up the local “onsen” (Japanese bath) with naked-uninhibited-jovial-elderly men. And now, it’s seriously snowing.

Go to the next big town, but then get on the local, and I mean local, bus. Track your location on Google Maps like your life depends on it. Get off at a small station and go to the bathroom. Oops, you missed your bus. Just kidding, your husband does “his antics” and you get on the bus. You’re now on the tourist bus (Greyhound coach with English speaking driver) but the snowstorm arrives as you climb higher and higher up into the mountains. Depart the bus in a ghost town as the sun sets. Your host doesn’t speak English. You eat bear meat and try not to get bitten by Stink Bugs. A foot of snow comes down and you’re singing Christmas songs in March.

At 11pm (remember it’s a snow storm) realize you’re six hours from the site of the 1998 Winter Olympics and your annual ski pass (which you purchased but didn’t use in Seattle) is valid for this exact resort in Japan. Wake your wife from slumber and tell her it’s either tomorrow or never (warm rain is forecasted in two days so, “you gots to go now”).

So now valued friends, it’s Choose Your Own Adventure with: A) Hillary to trek through remote mountain villages, or B) Ken and Everett to the site of the 1998 winter Olympics (Tara Lapinski wins gold, anyone ?!?!?)

Adventure A: Hillary
It’s the next morning, and you get off at the wrong bus stop, on a deserted mountain road at 10am in a snowstorm. And you’re wearing tennis shoes because they’re the only shoes you own. You’re carrying a heavy pack, and there’s no sidewalk, so just walk on the snowy road and try not to get hit from behind. Seriously, begin to question your life choices and get a lump in your throat as the bus pulls away, because you won’t cry, damn it, but this was a mistake.

Adventure B: Ken & Everett
Realize Hillary got off at the wrong bus stop (in a snowstorm on a deserted mountain road). Frantically call and text her 20 times but she doesn’t pick up or respond. Classic Hillary. Realize she might be gone forever.

Adventure A: Hillary
Trek into a remote village of grass-thatch houses. Walk alone. You’re transported back into time like a fairy tale. Enjoy the peace, the rich cultural heritage, you’re soaked but the storm stops, and the sun comes out. And no one is here. Breathe the fresh air with a sigh of relief.

Adventure B: Ken & Everett
Take the bus, then a train, then the bullet train (run out of money, no ATM)…. and then another bus. Ok, it’s 6 hours later. Your hostel host picks you up and takes you to Lawson’s (your favorite convenience store). Stock up on fried chicken and candy, lots of candy. ‘Cuz Mom ain’t here and we need Dad Energy for the Boys Trip! Rent skis and gear (you have nothing), play video games at the hostel, and sleep in bunk beds. Fall asleep with confidence because You Can Do This!

Adventure A: Hillary
Ride the bus to another village of stunning landscapes and traditional buildings. Walk around charming 200-year-old houses. It’s filled with tourists but you don’t mind at all. Drink coffee. And then more coffee. Relax after another bus ride to your final destination. A quaint town in the mountains with wooden houses from the 1600’s. Walk down the narrow streets of the Old Town (a less touristed version of Kyoto). And then some wine and cheese. Then order a Mexican burrito for dinner because 1) you have been on the road too long, and 2) You Do What You Want.

Adventure B: Ken & Everett
Ski the Olympic slopes (your son out-ski’s you at ten years old), nearly break your knee because you’re too tall for the ski lift, stalk the elusive snow monkey, and spend too much time in the onsen … “awkward.” Take the bus back down the mountain into the city and relax at the hotel… you could see another shrine, but really… haven’t you seen enough? Instead watch a season of Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Adventure A: Hillary
Bask in the winter wonderland as you gaze out the bus window (you’re in a snow globe unaware of time) and arrive at the station 30 minutes late (unheard of in Japan!). You only have a 39 minute connection to catch your train, so high tail it across the station like you’re a former high school track star. Arrive at your train platform, out of breath, but with just enough breath to get a coffee from the vending machine (what are you a savage?), then collapse into your seat. Reconnect with your family… see they survived without you… have they been playing you this whole time and they are totally capable and self-sufficient on their own?!?!? Smell something weird, and realize you have been wearing the same outfit for seven days straight.

Until next week, friends.もっと詳しく