The original idiot abroad Read more London, United Kingdom
  • Vain Vain Go Away Pt. 2

    June 18, 2019 in Brazil ⋅ ⛅ 24 °C

    The second part of the Brazil trip started with more exploration round Chapada Diamantina and the town of Lencois.

    We found a swimming hole/sliding waterfall thing which was cool to spend a couple of hours at. Highlights including Old Yoga Man doing some of the funniest lunging and thrusting stretches which I’m not sure are any form of yoga, and the selfie obsessed girl that so badly wanted a selfie on the water slide but couldn’t swim. Undeterred by this small matter she strapped on a lifevest and got her mate to drag her like a drowning dog over to selfie point where she stripped off to bikini for her social media snap but I know the real truth love...I’ll try and not go on another Instagram rant but sometimes it’s truly pathetic!

    Anyway, we just took the rest of the day easy, and generally ate and drank our way through to the time when we needed to get the nightbus back out of there then waited in a bus station with about 10000 moths which of course added to the travel ‘experience’.

    After the National Park, our original plan was to finish the trip around the northern beaches close to Salvador however the weather there was still shite so it meant to grant Rose’s wish of having some beach time thrown in the holiday we had to get a 7 hour nightbus, taxi in Salvador, a flight from Salvador to São Paulo (fortunately able to pay a small amount to change to an earlier flight), then a flight from São Paulo to Rio and another taxi to a hotel to spend the night around Botofogo before then getting a two and half hour Uber the next morning over to a ferry point where we then had to catch a boat over to Ihla Grande - dedication to the cause!

    The thought of getting a two and a half hour taxi in the UK sounds utterly preposterous, however it worked out the same price as the tourist shuttle service and we didn’t have to pick up the world and his wife from inside Rio before getting out on the road and wasting half the day - so that’s my top traveller tip on this one!

    Anyway sat in a bar for a bit where some wasps would not fuck off and then after 36 hours of travel we finally reached the chilled out pedestrianised island just in time for Brazilian Valentines Day...as I planned it right?!!

    Had some drinks on the beach, checked in to our nice eco hotel place then the next few days were spent relaxing (as best as I could do anyway...)

    Day 1 of relaxing - 3-4 hour jungle trek in super humidity :P It did come out at some incredible and peaceful beaches though so I feel justified for that! We were unfortunately joined on the walk by some over loud and annoying backpackers but on reaching the first beach we were able to ditch them and enjoy some off coconut water in the beaches one sole little shack thing...An hour or so later, we then reached a jetty which went out into the sea and functioned as a restaurant which was a nice surprise seeing as I had obviously planned what we would be eating for the day right (right?!!) and then a last walk to the final beach which was the one everyone wanted to reach although I kinda preferred the other ones we passed along the way.

    Found some well deeeeeecent pasta place for dinner which we then went to every night after and then did a boat trip the next day where went to a load of beaches you couldn’t reach by walking (I’d have probably tried) and found this 90 degree palm tree of doom which was pretty epic.

    The trip didn’t really didn’t follow the planned timeframe as our lunch option was presented at 6pm where everyone had to jump into the sea and get wet to reach the restaurant and then freeze their balls off once the sun had gone down soon after (then re-enter the sea to get back in the boat when it was night time). The trip back on the boat was then delayed due to the boat breaking down so we basically travelled back at night a shivering mess which put a bit of a dampener (literally) on a good day.

    The third day I tried my best to relax by staying on a local beach and reading whilst drinking beer... is this how holidays are supposed to be done, as I have absolutely nothing else to say about this day?!

    Once back in Rio, Rose got her wish of drinking on the Copacabana, where we spent pretty much the entire day solely doing that starting at around midday. Found some nice little Tapas place then walked down to the beach, hired a chair and swished back a healthy dose of Caiprinhas from a beach shack owned by some super friendly 70 year olds, who upon paying the bill for the day joined us by doing shots and giving us more alcohol, saying that we were sent from God and at some point calling their grandson on WhatsApp!

    Don’t remember much of that conversation but by the time we left we had promised them accommodation if they came to London (not sure if would remember what they look like!) and promised to return the following day, which I still kinda feel bad that we didn’t for being too hungover/wanting to see a few things the following day.

    The rest of the night involved in some order Rose getting a temp tattoo whacked on her, more espresso martinis (not sure if that was a wise choice after caiprinhas) and going to some nice restaurant of which don’t have much recollection of and the following morning was a large haze of what happened the night before...

    The last day in Rio, and in Brazil was spent around the Ipanema area in the morning, waiting for about 2 hours for Rose to try every single garment on in a running shop, revisiting one of our favourite healthy food places (was actually very easy for Rose to find decent vegetarian and vegan options) and then spending the final sunset going up Sugarloaf mountain....

    Ok so one last rant about Instagram and selfies...

    You go up on the cable car at sunset, you naturally expect people want to take a load of photos right. Only thing is there is a limited amount of space for people to move up next to the window so it instantly becomes a battle ground. Fair play to the people that get good spots and views where they can actually get a decent photo. Pointless fucking waste of time to those that don’t and are crammed in the middle but still insist of taking a selfie where you can’t actually see anything other than the sweat patches of someone else’s noggin. And no there isn’t any more room for you to push to the front no matter how much you think that’s a great idea.

    Unfortunately things didn’t get too much better once we reached the top as this time (when there was space for EACH person to stand) people would still clamber on top of each other, or shove a phone right in front of your face disregarding any form of patience or manners just to get their photograph, of which they’ve probably got 70% fence and a bit of sky at the top as the view is when you look DOWN you moron.

    Even Rose became irritated as someone literally shoved her out the way to get a shot. Not only that but the girl didn’t even turn to look at the sunset over the bay and the city and proclaimed she didn’t actually want to stay, she just wanted a picture. Hope she got two likes the silly bint!

    And with that marked the end of our trip to Brazil, and what was 7 and a half weeks in the country for me. We had seen some incredible places, eaten amazing food, not really been ripped off, and largely had an incredible time despite being a bit unlucky with the weather at points. Unfortunately the obsession with vanity and social media likes isn’t likely to go away any time soon and it’s hard to really embrace it when largely everyone is a massive bellend with it. I think maybe the next trip of doom should be somewhere that’s a bit less big city, manic, thousands of people, push you to get a photograph type of place... oh the next trip is India you say?!

    Until next time.
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  • Vain Vain Go Away Pt. 1

    June 3, 2019 in Brazil ⋅ ⛅ 26 °C

    Having spent 4 weeks in Brazil in Feb/March this year, June marked the return - but this time for a holiday, and Rose’s first trip of doom to South America.

    Something I had already observed in my earlier 4 week stint is how easy everything is to navigate these days. I guess I’m pretty experienced (aka old) at travelling now, but I do remember my first backpacking stint round Cuba 13 years ago?!! where I think I was able to send one email in the seven weeks I was away. Also, on that trip where I was not really knowing what I was getting in to, my travel companion basically said travelling was like a fun computer game where you just have to navigate yourself from A to B and there are all these obstacles and people and challenges on the way which make it part of the fun.

    The same does still apply but technology and the world we live in now is certainly different. So yes, going back to my earlier trip, the one HUGE benefit of Brazil is Uber. Sooooo cheap in relation to the UK where an hours ride would cost you about £8. Everything else does happen to be about the same price but being able to press a button and have you delivered door to door, bypassing all the dodgy areas and 4 bus connections (or being dicked on the meter by some twat) is certainly very handy and a great means of seeing the cities when you are short of time. Technology also comes with its shortfalls though and more on that later...

    So we arrived into Rio, bought probably the worst (Ebola flavour) crisps I’ve ever eaten in my life, bypassing the previous Ruffles Foot Cheese flavour and went to bed, only to be woken up with Rose full of beans wanting to go for a run?!! along Ipanema beach first thing then smashing out El Christo which we were lucky to see (amongst the hordes of selfie obsessives) in clear weather just before the clouds came in and the weather basically turned to shit for the next few days.

    We visited Lapa steps but basically got flooded out of that so had to retreat to a cafe which messed up Roses plans to eat nice food, then walked through Lapa which felt a bit dodgy as everyone except the homeless had also decided to retreat indoors so we stuck out like a sore donkey.

    Googled best things to do indoors and went to some amazing old art deco coffee hall place and mega library place of doom which was cool as something not seen before. Rose's food plans were then scuppered again with shite pasta before going back to the hotel to try and check in for our pre booked flights to Salvador in a couple of days time, only to find that the airline Avianca had gone completely bankrupt and our flight no longer existed - great stuff.

    The following morning was spent getting a cab back to the main airport to speak to someone at a ticket desk, only to be told there was no Avianca staff there and we needed to then go over to the other airport to sort the flights out. Unhelpful twat there then just said we needed to turn up on the morning of the flight and they would try and find us a replacement and they couldn’t book us anything that day cause that would obviously be too efficient.

    Good wasted morning there then, but it was still absolutely chucking it down as we then visited accidental Instagram hotspot Park Lage where we hadn’t anticipated the sheer amount of vain girls that would be there, all gathered in the same cafe we were waiting for the weather to clear so they could strip down to their swimsuits and get a picture in front of a pool you weren’t allowed to swim in. Good one.

    Anyway, wondered round there for a bit attempted Sugarloaf mountain for sunset but completely failed as we needed to pay the AirBnB host and I forgot how much of an arse Brazilian ATM machines are. Finally had some decent food as Rose booked some Michelin star gaff.

    Day 3 and airport guy was actually surprisingly good at sorting us a replacement flight (probably because we had got up early) which got us in only half an hour later than our originally intended one.

    Once arrived, it was noticeably warmer as again Ubered from the airport to our hotel (probably the nicest place I’ve ever stayed in - forgiving the masses of water that poured through the wall after death storm) which was a renovated mid century 5 star hotel with Rooftop swimming pool where we took a dip, had some drinks at sunset and relaxed a bit. All very normal holiday things...

    In between we visited the old town which has all the colourful buildings which is largely safe to walk round now with such a large police presence, but it was noticeably a bit more dodgy so did have to keep a bit of an eye out and not walk down any small side streets. We went for some lunch at a Afro Brazilian cooking school where all the women wore the traditional dress, but got the sense that they were not treated very well there as they were visibly shaking and nervous and a bit over attentive as if they had to be showing that they were doing something which kind of left a strange feeling when we left.

    Death storm then hit... We were able to make some indoor plans that day including epic mega gold church but that whole area and the beaches around it is best enjoyed outdoors and that seemingly would no longer be possible any more.

    Not sure if Rose’s mood was greatly pleased with this. Mine was not pleased because at the market some guy roped me in to a Capoiera lesson then charged me a fucking fortune for basically making me spin in a circle 400 times. In my extremely sweaty and deluded state I even bought a DVD when I don’t have a DVD player, and some toy instrument at about 20 times the going rate. Massive fail.

    After that we moved over to the Barra district of Salvador where walked along a windy beach in a storm and tried to not get smacked in the face by palm trees. Maybe time to change the holiday itinerary...

    So yeh, as the north was due to be crap I did look at flights back down towards Rio but everything was too late and expensive so we went with our original plan of going inland for a bit to see the national park. I was really hoping this location would pay off as it was a 7 hour each way trip to get there and subsequently things were not turning into the relaxing break Rose had hoped for (Sorry I’m just not very good at it!)

    Anyway after another morning around Barra where the two of us got fed enough breakfast for ten from our super friendly Italian pousada hosts, we risked the promenade again where the rain did subside for a bit and there were some blue skies for about 3 seconds in amongst the 70mph winds.

    Then over to the bus station where was able to claw back some brownie points by getting Brazilian SIM cards so could try and plan more things on the move rather than be locked up in our hotel rooms or faff around when we reached the destination.

    The 7 hour ride was a lot smoother than I imagined as we reached the national park base town of Lencois which we couldn’t really see in the dark but it had a much more laid back and tranquil vibe about it (probably cause I had also done no research on Salvador and didn’t realise how stupidly huge it was). Everything in the park apparently needed a guide so we booked on a day trip the following day and then would think about how long to stay there after that.

    Most of the next day was me naturally thinking I really don’t need a guide for this. We had some guy called Gustav who spoke reeeeeeaaaalllllyyyyy slooooooowly like he was constantly stoned and we couldn’t tell if he was bored showing us round or if that was just his nature but yeh the walk took us in the baking sun (can’t complain about that now after) through some red coloured water pools that looked pretty cool to an amazing viewpoint overlooking a canyon a 420 meter waterfall.

    Now thinking that the rain had been non stop for a few days I presumed the waterfall would be mega however Gustav informed me that it hadn’t rained there for a week so in essence the water was a piddle but the views were still incredible.

    There was a overhanging rock you could then slide to the end of and peer off to a sheer drop which even creeping close to the end made me shit myself as there were literally no rocks underneath to break a fall and aside from chucking myself out of a plane it was the scariest thing I had ever done. Not entirely sure how much safety regulations there are in that place!

    We hung around for a couple of hours going to different view points, going in the red pools and having some food (thanks for the slappy sandwich Gustav) before having to take the same trail back to the car... a bit of a shame as a loop would have been much more interesting and I kinda wanted to go to the bottom of the waterfall but was told that was another days walk... I’d have just done it without the sodding guide.

    Anyway, It was quite a tiring walk by the end of it which wasn’t endearing me to the relaxing holiday Rose had hoped about. We went and swam under another waterfall where I was hoping I could get just a quick single picture by the waterfall but then realised I can’t compete with Brazilians in terms of vanity or even technology! There were two guys that no joke must have taken about 200 pictures in the same position (even when I was sat deliberately in the background they still didn’t divert from the cause), and then they were joined by a large group of people doing the same and a drone for good measure. Trying hard to not be grumpy....

    After the ride back to town went out into Lencois which was actually really nice and they had done it out all in flags for a upcoming festival. We still hadn’t really made a plan for the upcoming days so booked the flights back to Rio which would give us a couple more days to explore the national park, without going on some of the much longer treks.

    The next day was another tour but this time more one where you visit a lot of the highlights of the park in one day and spend more time driving than hiking. Fortunately we had a much more outgoing guide for this trip and we were also joined by a French girl - Lolita and a Brazilian guy - who I’m not really sure what I was called but I did overhear Scott?!

    We saw loads of cool things which I’ll probably upload a load of photos of when I get a remote second of spare time in London, but the main focus of the tour/rant I shall focus on Scott.

    Let me first just start with saying yes I have taken thousands of photos in my life as I want it as a memory of being there, yes I’ve taken quite a lot of me in front of things, and yes I’ve bemoaned the fact that most people are shite at taking a decent photo but it seems Instagram has royally fucked everything right open and old Scotty boy here is the epitome of everything that is bad about it.

    So in a small group of people on quite a tight schedule, you would expect any photo stops to be quite brief but Scott would stop about every ten metres, take a picture of it, take at LEAST ten selfies and then ask the guide to take another ten, look at them, walk back over, get him to take some more and then just throw in a few extra selfies for good measure, and that’s not even exaggerating. At the first mornings swimming pool and waterfall site he must’ve taken about 500 photos and completely disregarded anything that the guide actually had to say about where we were. I mean, the guy was pretty chubby and just your average Scott really but that didn’t stop the relentless model shoots at each mirador.

    Therein lies the big problem - that people are so obsessed with having this perfect photograph that they lose consciousness of the surroundings around them... and this is beyond the being in the moment argument which I can be guilty of, but actually it’s just being rude and ignorant of the other people around you (Waiting around half an hour so he could finish his shots in each place). Essentially with this social media obsession, not only have people lost the ability to socialise but people have actually lost their manners and I don’t even care if I sound like an old man!

    Take for example the guys reluctance to learn anything about where he was, couple it with the fact he wouldn’t get in the water at any of the places we went - just took pictures of him at it, and add this to a new found thing that pisses me off of people BARGING each other to get a shot or shoving a phone right in front of you rather than just waiting a couple of extra moments rather than being a twat.

    Aaaaaanyway, we went to some canyons, swimming holes and unlit caves (great idea taking selfies in there you bellend) we stopped off for some lunch at a place where in amidst looking at his mornings work, I noticed his screen wallpaper was just a zoomed in picture of his face, and then his background wallpaper was another enlarged zoomed picture of his face (oh yeh, he doesn’t smile either), and then on his WhatsApp chats every background imagine is another zoomed in imagine oh his massive conk - Jesus Christ!

    The worst thing is I think there is actually a nice person somewhere in Scott but it is my worst first hand experience about technology ruining the modern world (in amongst many other things of course).

    Not quite finished yet.... the end of the tour we went up to the top of a mountain for sunset where I patiently waited in line for my photographs but had to wait whilst a group of girls stripped off down to bikinis, combed there hair back and posed like they’d just just had something abruptly prodded in their arse... for about 20 minutes. We asked the tour guide actually what he thought about how tourism has changed and now all anyone wants is a picture and he just laughed it off and said it is what it is. Which unfortunately yes, I think it is!
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  • Day 21

    Hillary Clinton's Smoggy Boots

    November 21, 2018 in Nepal ⋅ ☀️ 21 °C

    The final part of our Nepal trip of doom was unfortunately fraught with illness :(

    The coughing, headaches, snot blockage, dizzyness and feeling spaced out lasted throughout the jeep journey back to Pokhara and into the next couple of days.

    Once we had arrived back in town and given our hotel the worlds largest laundry bag, we met back up with everyone for food. Everyone was up for a chilled one other than Leo who suggested we should eat at Busy Bee (a nightclub haha), though after finishing food him and Alex ended up there for a not so quiet one anyway... I went against my bodies request and Rose went to the Pharmacy to get some de-congestant tablets which I later found out were basically like a mild form of speed which certainly didn’t help with the feeling of spaced out!

    It was a relatively early night, but still felt a bit like death the following day so it was one of those rare moments for me in holiday where I didn’t feel like doing a right lot! We sat on the waterfront, ate French crepes, found flat whites and then went for a massage at a charity called Helping Hands which was run by blind people.

    Having this massage was quite an experience as I wondered if by being blind this would emphasise how much they could feel. In some ways I was kind of thinking, I bet you can’t find that bit, and next thing you know the guy had his elbow firmly jammed in bashing the living hell out of it - fair play. I was also not prepared for some of the back yanking that came out of nowhere and was dreading him touching my calves as they were still on fire but an hour later and most of my body was feeling better for it. My head was still spaced out to the max though, as later in the afternoon we met up with Alex and Kristine where sat in a bar where I then emptied out a bucket full of mucus followed by a massive nose bleed - niiiiiice. Actually felt a lot better for doing so though! Everyone that night was a little low on energy so went to bed for an early night ready to get back to my let’s do everything again mode....

    Only to find the following morning that Rose had developed the death cold disease (and with the cough) in a lot more extreme way than I had.

    Not being the most patient person in the world (basically incapable of sitting still) this didn’t work out too well for me, as I was desperate to go out and see things but wanted to do it together and Rose was now too sick. A lot of the morning was spent doing a similar thing to the day before, alongside something else I’m not very good at - Shopping!

    Eventually not being able to sit still any longer, decided to go out for a walk when bumped into Leo again. We decided to rent some scooters for a few hours from some street corner guy and were then on our way up a very steep dusty dirt road to the top of the hill where there is a giant Pagoda and there was supposed to be views over the Himalayan mountains - though unfortunately we were unable to see these that day, nor any of the following days due to a large layer of smog which stubbornly sat in the valley the entire time we were there - the most clear effect of global warming (plus everyone burning everything into the atmosphere) I’ve ever seen.

    Once at the top we were accosted by some old farmer dude who originally wanted to sell us weed but then basically just wanted money for nothing so we politely declined everything and went back down the hill where got pulled over by the traffic police simply for being a tourist, where they took the bill book for the bike and slapped the owner with a £5 fine - a fine that we would obviously have to pay. Pretty ridiculous really.

    After the fine, we continued to one of Pokhara's supposed main sites - Devis Falls - a waterfall Rose had no real interest in seeing so it was alright for me to head over. Though an overcrowded platform above a boring 1/10 waterfall was about as good as things got. The most intriguing thing was that the waterfall was named after Mrs Devis who lost her life in the plunge pool after getting swept under. To me Mrs Devis was just stupid as the pool was definitely not fit to bathe in. Basically got a waterfall named after her for being dumb but whatever - some other people seemed to like it!

    Across the road was an equally unimpressive cave that I can’t be bothered to give words to but a few people took some selfies.

    Once back Rose was feeling a little better so went for some dinner across the street where then stayed for the next 5 hours chatting with Leo, Old Marion and later Maria and a guy we were unsure if he was Ryan or Brian but either way we don’t like him as he’d been to 125 countries - boooo! Leo was pretty drunk by the end of the night, recounting a joke of putting a horny parrot in a freezer in front of Marion (a vet) a few times but also revealing a bit more about his life on the road - he had been travelling for 8 years at the point we met him! Hopefully we can reconvene in Brazil some time in the future as we now have quite a lot of tips :)

    The next day, and it was feeling like an eternity of being in Pokhara so we took a trip out to a smaller surrounding area like where more of the locals go called Begnas Tal. Leo was too hungover to join us, and we decided against the idea of scooters as we managed to get a taxi driver to take us there and wait for a fraction of the cost. Once there it was also a bit smoggy which ruined any views that would have been there so after a quick stroll round the lake we got our driver to drive us up to a coffee house in the hills.

    Staying there were some odd people including an older (40s) Aussie guy who had been there two months without doing a single thing other than sit in a chair and smoke. He didn’t even have a book nor was interested in doing anything at all. He just claimed he was waiting for the mountains to clear - ok. Then there was a Quebecois woman who got really angry about Yoga practices (which I thought was supposed to be a relaxing thing) but either way we got to hear how she was traumatised by her last class and thought it best not to dig too much deeper - odd characters indeed, and I didn’t think the coffee was even that great.

    Still, this killed a few hours as we got the driver to take us back to Pokhara later that afternoon where our hotel were proper pissed off at us as we were supposed to swap rooms that day and they couldn’t get hold of us. The problem is the guys in the hotel were so so nice they couldn’t really do the were annoyed with you thing that well! The waistcoated small guy that ran most of it just looked too small and adorable!

    They let us keep the room for that night anyway but Rose was still feeling awful, having massive headaches and coughing fits so in the afternoon we just sat in a Spanish restaurant on the other side of the lake and watched the sun go down. The less said about the ‘Disneyland Fun Park’ the better.

    The next day, and Rose was still not well enough to travel on to anywhere else (I’d been doing plenty of reading :P) and again I was finding it a little hard to hide some of my frustration. It’s not that Pokhara was bad in any way but the main things to see and do were view points, and these had been completely obstructed by the smog. You could also paragliding but again you wouldn’t be able to see anything and apparently the smog is a serious concern of the tourism market that I hope they can sort pretty quickly but I doubt it. I also thought that the street we were saying on was a bit resort like and didn’t offer a proper reflection of what Nepal was actually like - everything was geared up for tourists and there wasn’t really much to do other than go to the same shops....

    My favourite of which was a cashmere scarf shop we stopped off at to see if we could pick one up for Rose’s mums birthday. No sooner had we stepped into the shop had the owner taken about ten different scarves off the shelves and thrown them on the both of us and then when he ran out of room across the shop counter. We then narrowed his search and throwing criteria from the entire shop to something that would go with an Emerald Green coat. Only this instruction was at first misinterpreted and then just plain ignored as the guy just kept getting out green scarf after green scarf after green scarf. Then again when you said no the coat is this colour and we need something to go with it the guy would be like ok ok how about this one and then whip out another green scarf! No joke this probably happened about ten times before enough was enough and we had to leave with the guy dejected about his lack of green scarf sales ‘ok, ok you tell me how much’. It’s not that mate just don’t want a fucking green scarf!

    Unfortunately the rest of the shops couldn’t offer the same comedic value but did kill some of the time I was still unable to not relax. That day, I finally broke free of our lakeside treat and walked over to Old Pokhara which was a good 5km away. My hope of the town being wildly different didn’t change too much but it was noticeable that some of the houses changed into the old wooden and brick Newari ones that we had seen a lot of in the Kathmandu valley. I stopped in at the Ghorka Solider museum which was very interesting, albeit it highlighting that we’ve just got the Nepalese to fight pretty much all of our wars for us! The soldiers are the mega hardcore ones though and only 1% of those that trial out actually make it in - rather them than me! I then got some lunch before crossing the road to another one of Pokhara’s supposed attractions - the Seti (or Shitty) river gorge which essentially was an ugly platform over looking a bit of milky coloured water flowing through a rock. I only went cause it was right next to where I was but it baffled me when tour groups were getting off to have a look at this! I took a picture for some teenage girls and then tried to get a taxi over to a Tibetan monestary though none of the drivers knew where it was so I just gave in and got a cab back to Lakeside. The driver quoted me 400 rupees which again I thought was a hit in the pricey side but was like ok whatever. He then stuck on his meter and when we arrived it was about 220. Going in between I got 300 out and passed it to him and then he starts kicking off and wanting his extra money. I point to the meter but he’s just repeating 400 over and over. I give him the extra 100 but then slam his door. Was getting seriously sick of the taxi drivers over here always doubling the price of what the cab fare should actually be and then you having to barter your way down to the proper price which is still probably double what a local would pay. If I was travelling for longer I’d just sack them all of and walk but Pokhara was a pretty spread out city and I couldn’t be arsed so just had to put up with it in the end.

    That night we went to the other branch of the Israeli restaurant we had been to in Kathmandu and said our goodbyes to the latest member of our group, Maria. We hadn’t seen Young Marion for a few days but it had been cool to hang around with Old Marion, Maria and Leo the few days we were in Pokhara and was sad to see her leave. On the other hand, what was good was eating a stupid amount of food and having £3 espresso martinis again! I’d gone in with the mindset that maybe if I was hungover then I wouldn’t feel like I needed to do much the following day, but drinking just made me sleepy as I don’t think I had really got over all of my illness too.

    The next morning, it was back to Rose’s frequented Crepe place for breakfast and down to the other section of the river again where I finally got my book out and started to read rather than obsessively examine the cloud cover forecast for the next day to see if I could go to the viewpoint! At that point I managed to actually relax for a bit before we met up with Old Marion to hire a boat over the lake to take us over the Peace Pagoda side where you could hike up and get some views of half of what you were supposed to see! Unfortunately something then hit Rose and she had to rush off and be sick back the hotel, but that also seemed to clear things out a bit and she was still able to continue with the afternoon stroll.

    The Pagoda itself was pretty decent and we spent a good couple of hours walking up to and around it before then had to battle another rip off cab driver for a ride down the hill with the usual ‘ oh it’s very far’ - no it’s not - ‘the road is bad’ - not if you take the tarmac one right in front of you - ‘oh the fuel price has gone up’ - you could roll this car down the hill and not use any before *walk off* ‘ok, ok, how much you pay?’ A fair price you tosser.

    We then got a lift to the International Mountain Museum which we had gone to more to as a joke rather than of interest. The museum had a lot of climbing equipment form mountaineers across the ages and supposedly had some of Sir Edmund Hillary’s (first person to summit Everest) walking boots. Only Leo had got this a bit mixed up and said Hillary’s boots which we then joked they were actually Hillary Clinton’s boots and we definitely had to go see these! Unfortunately neither Hillary’s or Hillary Clinton’s boots were actually in the exhibition but it was still quite cool to look at some pictures of the highest mountains in the world and look through some of the sections discussing what effect global warming was having on them.

    Also outside was a giant replica of the Manaslu mountain range which I decided to climb as there were climbing hooks and poles but this was actually extremely difficult at severely lacking in health and safety. Still after somewhat of a battle I was able to pull myself up to the summit!

    After that another battle with a taxi driver and we returned to the Israeli food place with views over the lake before the last sunrise and to say goodbye to our new found friends over the last few days. I can’t say I was super sad to have left Pokhara by what was the end of 6 days there but that’s more down to me being an impatient cretin. I do sometimes wish I could be more content with where I am and what I am doing, but as I mentioned before the place we were staying did seem to lack some authenticity and I also had to appreciate that neither of us were well enough over those few days to go gallivanting at my usual pace and sometimes it’s ok to slow down a bit... Sometimes!

    The next morning we were back on the Bumpy bus ride (a couple had crashed the week before killing a large number of people) back to Kathmandu, stopping 40 minutes for an unwanted breakfast followed by ten minutes of a lunch which people actually wanted. Literally had to slam down that lunch as quickly as possible before we were back in the road! By now we knew what Nepalese roads were like so had settled for a full day to get back to the chaos of Kathmandu. We arrived late afternoon and then checked into our hotel where we had been upgraded to a suite which was pretty boss. Having not had the chance to eat much of the bus lunch, Rose wanted a last Daal Bhat of the trip so went back to a good restaurant we had been before and stuffed our faces for the last time - sooooo much food!

    The final full day of the holiday was spent visiting an old town called Bhaktapur about an hour east of Kathmandu. Our hotel owner told us how much to pay for the taxi so naturally we had to barter down from a quote that was double that before the guy agreed (and then looked annoyed so at the end) to do it. We spent the afternoon walking round some of the old squares and looking at some of the amazing architecture whilst actually spending some time to relax in between. This place was a lot more relaxed that Kathmandu but also retained a traditional feel so I quite liked it even when we had covered most of the main attractions within a couple of hours. Was cool just to see a load of goats roaming around getting in everyone’s way!

    We were also staying in a really friendly (everyone other than the taxi drivers are friendly) 700 year old Newari house which had flat whites so everyone was a winner. Even the low rooftops which everyone kept banging their head on weren’t so much an issue for us small folk!

    That evening went to a rooftop bar overlooking a main square full of temples and had a beer, Rose bought a singing bowl that she was extremely pleased with, then watched a true story film about a Senegalese guy who decided to climb Everest to prove a point to a girl that he loved her despite absolutely zero mountain experience. The film was pretty funny but also helped remind us of some of our own trials and tribulations and also some of the absolutely incredible scenery Nepal had to offer.

    With that, came the end of our three week stay which had given us a further appetite to keep exploring the world, meeting new people, exploring new cultures and having more adventures. At times, it was tough and a challenge both mentally and physically, and one that had an impact on our health but despite that Nepal was an extremely friendly and rewarding country that will forever have a place in our hearts and minds and one that we will hopefully revisit again in years to come!

    Until next time.....
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  • Day 13

    What Would Bob Do With Mr Beans Fingers?

    November 13, 2018 in Nepal ⋅ ⛅ -3 °C

    So at the end of the last blog, we were at a crossroads as to whether to continue with our trek over the world's highest mountain pass and this certainly wasn’t aided by the first nights accommodation - a cold damp small shared room directly next to a stinky squat toilet. However, as became apparent over the duration of the trek, there were several people all there in a similar boat to yourself, all motivating you to continue, but not in a condescending way as everyone has their limits and breaking points. Everyone who had got to where they had already had done incredibly well but it was these people that would get you through the tough times and push you further - sometimes more than what you thought you were capable of. I also knew that I would need these people as my feeble attempts of ‘look at that mountain’ would not be enough to persuade Rose to stay on it!

    That evening, we were joined by some German travellers who were doing the walk insanely quickly - more quickly than I thought the slow travel times in Nepal would allow the guy to finish and get to Kathmandu in time for his flight back home only three days later! Credit for the optimism though, and of course that guy had to be back at work only two hours after getting back to Germany though. The real stories that night were however about an old guy they had met called Bobby who sounds like one traveller that could and should have his own book in a ‘What would Bob Do?’ way.

    One such example is Bob deciding one day that he wanted to go to Tibet, so he got all of his stuff and trekked alone for days until he crossed an unmanned border and trekked for a few more days to the nearest village, where they found he had no permits and were going to extradite him immediately, only they couldn’t because winter had hit and all the roads that day were closed off.... for four months! During this time, Bob lived with a Tibetan family but had no communication to the outside world and his family presumed him to be dead, until the weather cleared and he was able to call them from a Tibetan jail! Eventually they just chucked him out the country and back to where he started from!

    Another event of that evening was Maria (see last blog) wanted to buy a sleeping bag as hers wasn’t suitable for the higher altitudes and lower temperatures, and after being away for an hour came back saying a Brazilian guy had leant his to her. At which point we were a bit like what the fuck as who in their right mind would lend their sleeping bag in these temperatures?! This guy had also been staying in the town for 14 nights (he’d presumed 10) where there wasn’t really a right lot to do so immediately there was an impression of someone quite unique, but over the next few days Leo became a great friend!

    This began the next day, when we checked out our hostel and moved over to his (via several trips to the bakery and proper coffee shop). Most of that day was just spent relaxing and chatting. We met an Estonian guy I think called Zecom but we just called him Bacon as no one knew any better! Bacon had an oxygen reader thing which proved we were still all in reasonable shape although with a significantly raised pulse, and also told some stories of the Yak killing that him and Leo were invited to witness that morning - I’d given that one a pass!

    In Manang town there was the option of going to one of the two cinemas?!!! but they looked beyond freezing so gave that a miss. I took a leisurely walk to a nearby lake to take some pictures, took hot showers, did laundry etc whilst Rose did some more resting, also waiting for the Doctors altitude talk at 3pm.

    In many ways I think this talk was the true turning point for Rose, as it confirmed all the symptoms she had been trying to pass off as something else were all in fact relating to altitude, and the doctor was very good at describing that if this was managed properly and we took more time and caution then our holiday could be enjoyable afterall!

    The night (or up to the usual bed time of around 8pm) was again just spent chatting and then spending half the night going for a piss.

    The next morning was a shorter, much less steep walk to the next village called Yak Kharka. Rose had decided to continue on the walk that morning and (after we had both taken half a diamox) was in good health and spirits going up the hill - more so than myself. Despite the Ice Lake killing us at the time, it definitely helped with the altitude as we then progressed back up at a slower pace. A pace that was definitely hindered by the long trails of tour groups which had naturally got up and out hours before we had finished faffing but the difference this time is that we were overtaking them.

    Young Marion had been struggling a little bit that morning with dizziness and feeling sick and signs that the doctor has mentioned the previous day to be wary of, but was in no mood for stopping. To aid her we gave half a diamox at breakfast which again seemed to aid things along a little bit, but after we reached Yak Kharka she said she couldn’t feel her feet even when hitting them and looked in a bit of a bad way. I think a few people had concerns but at the end of the day everyone is an adult and capable of making their own decisions so no one was going to be turning back at this point.

    We had thought we had lost Leo as there was no sign of him at breakfast but he later rocked up by himself around 3pm which now joined our ever increasing group. At Yak Kharka, we were rejoined by the English guy from our jeep Tom (who despite being two days behind) had already overtaken us with his trekking partner ‘Old’ Marion who was in no way old (30) but Leo liked to call her the old French Broad as a joke and in reference to Young Marion! We also met a Latvian/Ukrainian couple (who live in London) - Alex and Kristine who had stayed in Yak Kharka the night before as Kristine was struggling with the altitude. That then completed our group of 9 people who we then stayed with until the end! Leo later said that he stayed in Manang for so long waiting to find the right group of people to continue with and we had definitely now got a good solid group of really nice people to help get us through the next couple of tough days.

    The rest of that afternoon was spent playing cards and attempting to get the patchier than a patch quilt WiFi working so not a right lot to chat about so instead can focus on a couple more Nepal observations:

    - The Nepalese love bloody burning everything. Part can be put against not being able to recycle at that height, with tourists to blame but get up in the morning and the persons just burning a load of heather for the hell of it, what’s that all about?!

    - They hate sinks. Every place we stayed had at least a squat toilet and a shower that you wouldn’t generally ever want to use but a sink is harder to find than a decent bacon sandwich in the Himalayas. Most trips to a sink involved about three flights of stairs and a trip to the opposite end of the building which you were in no mood for when it’s so damn cold! Especially in the middle of the night where it’s hard enough getting out your sleeping bag (altitude also makes you pee a lot more) and then you have to traipse again to the arse end of nowhere to find the fucking sink. Just put one remotely close to the bathroom and save everyone’s misery!

    Anyway... after sleeping in our ‘cottage’ which was freezing, the next day we set off to Thorong Pedi, the stop before the mountain pass. A few people were interested in walking to the high camp to sleep as would be less of a climb the following day but it was going to be a bit too much altitude gain for one day and wanted to learn our lesson from earlier in the week. Again, the aim was to get up and leave early before all the tour groups but that was a total fail.

    Fortunately Tom, who we found out the day before had been in the Royal Marines for 15 years was a bit more disciplined than us had walked ahead in order to reserve accommodation (very limited in the upper reaches) for us.

    That morning, Rose’s middle finger had turned purple from the cold and she couldn’t feel or move it and was very scared of losing it. Handwarmers, gloves and lots of rubbing to the rescue and eventually (after quite some time) her hands began to warm up and she was ok. Her recovery no doubt aided by Leo who was telling us about Mr Bean on holiday (film) greeting everyone with wafting middle fingers as he thought it was customary and if Rose lost her finger she wouldn’t be able to do this to anyone any more. This wafting of middle fingers of course became our customary greeting whenever we saw him again and even spread to other people on the mountain - an Israeli girl even stopping to ask for a picture!

    Not too much else to chat about the walk other than again it was very difficult with no air and the last incline was a beast - especially as you had to wait about ten minutes to get past the hoarded of Chinese tourists all taking pictures at the village entrance.

    In the afternoon, I learnt that icy squat toilets are extremely treacherous, the dorm we stayed in probably hadn’t been cleaned for about 20 years, I’d now become pretty good at the card game I’d learnt the day before and in our hostel we ‘were surrounded by the English’. Or at least according to one traveller who decided to declare it at the top of her voice when everything went quiet.

    Everyone was feeling a little spaced out at that altitude, and with Kristine still struggling a bit, Alex had hired a horse the following morning to help carry the large bags up. Something we were on board with sharing, as despite it being extremely expensive in Nepalese terms, we put £20 each back in to a London perspective and thought it was one of the best possible decisions we could make if we were going to get over the pass successfully the other morning!

    That evening we were also joined in our dorm by an older German guy called Frank, who as well as being interested in laughing at us for Brexit also shared another common feature of the trek a There seemed to be a lot of older single men doing the trek as a bit of an escape and a chance to get some headspace. Often sent off by their wives as a do this for you, or in Bacon’s case, please can you use your energy somewhere else!

    The following morning, we had to get up at 4am to set off. We hadn’t really slept that night, mostly cause of the altitude but not assisted by the kitchen staff sprogging outside our room for extended durations. As it was now getting to minus 20 at night, slept fully clothed so didn’t have to change into cold clothes in the morning. Frank, the mental German slept in t shirt and shorts?! Rose was also the resident hostel bag rustler but she won't admit it :P

    So yeh, we had breakfast, whacked our stuff on the horse and set off in pitch black with head torches at around 5am in the freezing weather up the final kilometre up to the mountain pass. On the way, peoples hair froze, groups were hitting the mountain with their trekking poles shouting expletives at it, Leo waved his fingers around like Mr Bean, and Rose was aided on by seeing a Robin, symbolic of her dad, and Leo singing Here Comes The Sun to lift everyone’s spirit when the sun finally came up to warm everyone up a bit.

    Warm everyone, except Young Marion, who had mentally lost it that morning after leaving her water bottle at the Thorong Pedi camp and us telling her she couldn’t turn back and go get it. We bought her some extra water but that didn’t prove to be enough as we got further up he mountain and to the final tea house where she looked like she was suffering from hypothermia and was not in a good way.

    Leo, got her up to that tea house and then we covered her in all the blankets that the place had and gave her hot tea and electrolytes but all of us had an impossible task persuading her to take a horse ride for the last leg of the trip. She was being very stubborn in that we should leave her (not happening) and that she would be alright (she clearly wasn’t). It also seemed that one of the main issues was the money, but even when we offered to pay she was having none of it.

    Unfortunately this was starting to become quite a burden for everyone though as there is only a limited window you are able to get up and over the pass before the winds become dangerous and it can become (fatally) dangerous. It got to the point where it was a bit like either you get on the horse or you walk with us now or we are all going to die. Suddenly she snapped out of it and decided to walk - again having Alex and Leo to assist in motivating her, after another tough couple of hours we finally reached the top and whilst it was an incredible feeling, it was also one filled with relief that after everything we had made it!

    We stayed at the top for some pictures, picked up our bags and waited for the remainder of our group to join us - Kristine being the last one arriving in horseback, riding in with elegance! I had toyed with the idea of how cool/metal it would be to ride on the back of a Yak over the pass though I think I may have been somewhat less elegant!

    After finishing the pass, in some ways mentally you think yes I’ve done it but noooooo not really any time for that as we then had to descend another 10 kilometres downhill going from the top point of 5416 metres to 3700. This proved incredibly tough as the steep drops were very harsh on the knees and the ankles.

    As we were about halfway down the hill, Rose was in absolute agony and could barely walk with each step causing excruciating pain. Again, so much for the relaxing holiday.... Unfortunately there wasn’t really any other option other than trying to push through it and continue but a lot of expletives and tears were shed on the way down and I felt really bad for putting her through this and also making this our holiday for the year.

    As we continued on, progress was very slow, but again it was very lucky we had the company of other people on the trek as they helped get Rose through those sections that I would not have been able to do alone. Leo made a stone offering to the mountains, helped and spoke to pretty much every person he saw on the mountains, and Alex and Kristine walked with us patiently until after a few more hours we finally reached a small town where we could get some food and drink on board.

    At this point we had been walking for around 10 hours and everyone was exhausted so we made an enquiry of getting a jeep the final three kilometres only to be greeted with a stupid price of 300 dollars - fuck you!

    This didn’t really give us any other option but to continue on foot for the final section where the unbearable pain in Rose’s legs became furthermore unbearable and a LOT more expletives and tears were shed over the final couple of hours, until we finally reached the town of Muktinath and the end of our trek!

    One of the hardest, toughest, epic walks you could do was now complete and we could reflect a little bit immensely proud of what we had achieved. That final downhill section for Rose especially was incredibly tough and i was so proud of her for getting through it against the odds. Maybe next time (although the ‘I’m never doing this again’ may suggest otherwise) we should probably pick something a little less challenging than the worlds highest mountain pass to do but either way WE DID IT!!!!!!!

    As usual, after having a difficult day, everything becomes just that much more difficult and things weren’t about to get any easier as we searched for accommodation in the finishing town of Muktinath. It is normal on the trek that you don’t really pay much for accommodation under the agreement that you will eat dinner and breakfast at the place, however our group had all arrived at different times and checked in at different places and we wanted to eat and celebrate together. The rude obnoxious bint owner as Hotel Monalisa was having none of it though even when clearly tired and exhausted offering to pay more for the room (which was more unwelcoming than a pile of Yak shit) , she shouted at us and slammed doors and said she was a businesswoman - more like rude cunt.

    We took our business and money elsewhere and her Google reviews are now down to 1.8 stars - good luck with your tourist business now you twat!

    Eventually after searching round a bit we reached and agreement with a hotel with hot showers which didn’t enforce us to eat there and after a couple of hours reconvened as a group to celebrate with Pizza and Beer - never has a Tuborg tasted so good!

    That was a long day for everyone and tested quite a few peoples breaking points. Mine wasn’t to come initial the following day though...

    The next morning we decided to keep the group together and all get a long jeep ride back to Pokhara. Tom was to continue on with his trekking mission, though a bit sad to be leaving the rest of us as we dropped him at the next town, where we also managed to cancel our flight we had booked earlier - didn’t really fancy hanging around in a cold mountain town for another 4 days as was also starting to cough and feel a bit ill.

    That illness intensified in the afternoon, and not being the greatest with motion sickness anyway - being thrown around in the back seat of a jeep for 10 hours became a bit too much. Everything was hurting and the pressure in my head and the incoming death cold of doom was just a bit too much that day and became a bit emotional on the latter half of the trip, though did have the rest of the group again fortunately there to push you through it and keep spirits up through the worst of times. Not sure what the Nepalese driver thought of our music choices especially 8 foreigners singing Bare Necessities at the top of their voices and doing the Mr Bean fingers at a few choice people and moments! Can’t really remember too much more of that trip other than Rose saying my temperature was all over the place, but eventually about 10 hours later made it back to Pokhara to complete this monumental section of our trip!
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  • Day 7

    "What Could Be More Relaxing..."

    November 7, 2018 in Nepal ⋅ 🌙 -3 °C

    So as we left Kathmandu, via the mountains and small villages, a few things became quickly apparent:

    - The Tourist Bus: the one advertised with free WiFi and deluxe features was clearly not one with free WiFi or any features whatsoever apart from a mangled broken fan

    - The bus would do its usual thing of leaving from a bus stop at a set time then pick up the entire of Kathmandu meaning it would take about three hours to actually leave the city. I’ve ranted about this before but seems it will never change around the world. Just go to the fucking bus station!

    - The new ‘good condition’ road between Kathmandu and Pokhara was a lie.

    - It appears that the entire of Nepal is sponsored by Tuborg! Every single sign in every single small town along the way was plastered with Tuborg Logos and paraphernalia. I can just imagine the big Tuborg truck rolling into town own then everyone in the village queuing up for their sign for their shop which doesn’t even sell beer but anyway....

    As the bus was massively behind schedule we were too late arriving to Pokhara to really do anything other than book a bus, plan to start the trekking and also book a return flight at the other end as this would give us another day in the country.

    The following morning we then realised the literal ‘you’re very lucky to get a seat’ phrase as the seat number we were provided was in no way a seat (four other people were provided the same seat numbers) for a tiny local bus which only left once a day. The bus shower onner ushered us on inviting us to take a miniscule bench hunched in directly behind the driver where things were already bad before an entire Nepali family was also welcomed in to sit on top of us too! Not having any kind of back rest meant that the next four hours were a severe work out and certainly one of the worst rides I’ve ever been on! I did (for once) feel sorry for this younger English traveller who was getting elbowed from two sides and having the gear stick shoved into his knee for the entire time but was also curious of his choice of hiking attire of torn jeans, trainers and a hoodie knowing that we were going into -20 nights. Probably something I would have stubbornly just gone and done in years past but I knew what we were about to embark on was something a bit next level i.e. naturally starting our first ever long hike together by doing the worlds highest mountain pass!

    The next stage of the trip was to catch a jeep to the (not the purists) starting point of Chame - a small town at around 2700 metres up. I say not the purists because every tripadvisor blog had the hardcore hikers shaming everyone else if they didn’t walk along the dusty road path with nothing to see for five days first. Apparently if you didn’t want to do that bit you should just turn back home and forget you ever existed but we were just happy to cheat and blow dust in their faces as we were thrown around in the crammed jeep for the next 6 hours.

    Fortunately we had a good driver who made the trip a bit more bearable - though he would decide that it was most appropriate to start sending text messages on the edge of a mountain cliff edge. Seems that’s pretty common here.

    The trip was only really interrupted by one landslide where a truck had got stuck and needed to be pulled out, and our first Daal Baht meal of which we would be seeing plenty more of over the next few days. We also met a Mexican girl called Maria and an English guy called Tom in the jeep - the latter also a little bewildered about how unprepared some of the people about to undertake the hike looked!

    Tom was dropped off along the way, as we continued to Chame where we checked into our first tea house which had surprisingly good WiFi, and was free if we bought our meals there - not that we really had much choice with that anyway but it was quite a pleasant surprise! Temperatures soon plummeted to -10 in the evening as the owners tried to burn everything within a 50 mile radius to keep us warm and stink out the entire place simultaneously. Later that evening we were joined by a (young!) French girl called Marion who Maria had met earlier so we were now a group of 4 as we headed out on the trek the following morning.

    We soon discovered that the main disadvantage of not walking along a dusty road for five days beforehand was that this didn’t really give much (or rather any) time for acclimatisation. I guess not particularly helpful when starting the hike from triple the highest elevation that Rose had ever been on in her life but no time for such nonsessicities :P

    The morning was spent how the next few mornings were spent. With us being the biggest faffers and the last people to leave the accommodation, subsequently followed by the first hour of the day spent shedding all of the layers we had begun the day with one by one to the point of t shirt and shorts and sun cream!

    The lower levels of the trek had an alpine feel to them, full of green trees, lush vegetation and milky blue rivers which looked pretty cool. We were able to find a detour off the main road to a higher elevation point where we noticed someone had dropped their down jacket which would massively screw them over later in the trek so picked this up and continued on our way.

    A couple of hours later, as we approached the next village we saw this girl absolutely bombing it down the road in the opposite direction, initially thinking what the fuck is she doing before piecing it together and asking if she had lost her jacket by any chance. Not too much of a surprise when it was and in return she walked with us back to the village where there was an apple farm which had the best apple donuts ever and which were given as a thank you present!

    After the farm, the walk became a lot steeper and Rose really started to feel the strain with the altitude. Having not really had the time to adjust the afternoon was a very tough one and wasn’t helped too much by not eating all day. Progress was slow and there were some worries about if what we were doing was now the best idea, and as I walked a few metres ahead probably a lot of cursing from Rose as the inclines became more steep and challenging.

    On the route we bumped into some (seriously what are you doing) cyclists from the UK that were mountain biking all the way up from the bottom. I couldn’t think of anything worse. They stopped and chatted to us for a bit which got us through to the next town, where we reconvened with Maria and Marion and then carried on to Upper Pisang at 3300 metres.

    The guesthouse we took was bright pink and we took a room on the end of the block which was a big mistake as it was the one that basically took all the cold air and wind, but it was nice to have a hot shower at the end of the day and we met a nice Dutch couple called Daan and Jen, who had booked the trip months in advance but had a little bit of news just a few days before that would prevent them going much further! There was also a stupidly large group of funny Spanish tourists staying there - though one guy who brought the biggest shaving kit ever made me think how much luggage are these guys taking and making their porters carry?

    They also happened to wake us up at 5am the next morning sounding like a giant herd of elephants on the floor above. Rose got up for sunrise and went up to the monestary up the hill, but I gave it a miss and watch from the uncomfort of our freezing cold room - obviously not wanting to miss a single thing I’d already been up to the monestary the evening before!

    For the second day, there are two possible routes - one along the upper trail which I was up for doing and one along the lower trail which everyone else wanted to do. I was outvoted, primarily due to poorly limbs and sickness so after another slow start we were on our way! This was further held back as there was a Russian guy coming back down the hill looking as white as a sheet who needed some assistance and medical attention so Maria helped get him sorted before we continued. One of the main issues with the lower route is that is on a road at the bottom of a valley, so whilst it is a lot easier, the valley was barren and went on for long stretches, so I was having a tough time persuading Rose to carry on as she was getting bored! However, as always with this kind of thing thought it was important to persevere.

    When we reached the town before the town we were supposed to get to that day it was clear everyone had done enough for one day, and the base we had reached actually worked out better for doing a side trek the following day so we set about finding accommodation there. Unfortunately the owner of hotel Buddha proved to be a massive bellend and the rooms felt cold and unwelcoming so we instead got a shared room in a small chalet and rested for a night where met two Americans (midwife and a guy with a really tanned head) and some young French girls who basically told us they had sprinted the side trek. They also had a funny Nepali guide with them where you could tell he had his hands full with them!

    Can’t really remember too much about the night apart from a group of boys coming along (in the middle of nowhere) with a giant boom box and dancing and drinking cartons of juice out in the courtyard outside for about half an hour (as you do) to celebrate divali and being asked more questions about Brexit, which seemed to be a common theme whenever we told people we were from the UK. It seems people are generally very intrigued as to your thoughts of your country being a laughing stock around other parts of the globe though!

    So Day 3 was an acclimatisation day which turned out to be anything but restful. Note I now retract my previous statement to arose about ‘what could be more relaxing than being in the Himalayas away from everything’. Didn’t really take altitude/anything into account when making that comment!

    The third day did however provide a welcome opportunity to ditch the heavy bags and just take a small day sack with snacks and a small amount of water which were subsequently depleted after no time whatsoever.

    We also made the mistake of listening to the young French girls and underestimated how tough the walk actually was - up 1300 metres to 4650 which was the highest altitude I’d also ever hit in my life. Turns out your body doesn’t really like going up 4000 metres in 4 days! The walk itself was short in kilometres but was so so steep and on top of the altitude, Rose was finding the heights/sheer drops difficult to contend with. We weren’t the only ones, as many people had a very slow pace, with one Russian guy clearly not well enough - vomiting every 100 metres still pretending he was ok and carrying on. There was the usual prick on his way down looking smug with himself that he got up stupidly early had gone up and down and took satisfaction in telling you that you were a pathetic little shit, or sorry that you had ‘miles left to go’. Alright, thanks for that!

    As we got further and further up the views became more and more phenomenal, but equally each step became more and more difficult. Rose got up to about 4100 metres, before her legs turned to jelly and we made a retreat back down to lower altitude to rest, with the plan of just returning back to base. We had heard there was a tea house two thirds of the way up in which we could rest although when we asked a Nepali guide he just laughed as if it didn’t exist.

    As we came back down the hill, we bumped into Daan and after a bit more of a chat (plus confirmation that there was in fact a tea house, and my inability to let not seeing something go) we decided to turn round and carry on with the walk.

    With the new hope of the tea house existing, I then gave the remainder of my water to Rose and Daan donated a bit to me as if not really drunk any of our supply that morning and we continued up and up and up and up.

    Unfortunately when we got to this magical tea house it was closed and there was no water and a few more hours had passed. Rose got past this point and up to 4400 metres doing amazingly well but the steepness of the last section was just a bit too much, and as Maria and Marion were coming down, Rose descended back down the hill back with them, whilst I completed (or rather stumbled every step of the way) up to the summit where we didn’t have all that much time to stay up before the weather turned and it got windy and dark.

    By the point I reached the top we had no water and my head was POUNDING. Was definitively feeling it but then also realised Rose had the water filtration bottle with her and the lake didn’t look safe to drink out of so just had to battle on. Daan had also run out of his water so after spending the short time at the top we descended back down, again thinking fuuuuuck this is steep whilst feeling faint and dizzy on the whole way back ☹

    Upon finally getting there, both of us were completely shattered and exhausted and it was clear we had pushed things a bit too much and quickly over the previous days. A rest day was already planned but it was certainly also needed the following day. After a few hours my head started to ease up a bit but Rose was in two minds about whether to continue at this point, as we were essentially in the last town where it was possible to turn back. The rest day would prove crucial in whether we were going to continue….
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  • Day 1

    Some Little Nuts For The Gods

    November 1, 2018 in Nepal ⋅ ☀️ 24 °C

    So despite everyone thinking I’m always on holiday, we had only taken 5 days off work the entire year so was very happy when November came round and we could jet off for another trip of doom - this time Nepal.

    So the flight there came with the usual problem of not being able to sleep. Though I’m now starting to spot a pattern with this in that the hostesses just basically wake you up for a meal at the time you’ve just dropped off, then you get a bit sleepy and nod off again only for them to come and get rubbish, then nod off again and then someone whacks out a tea and coffee trolley, and then once again to come and pick it up - do that twice on each flight by which point you are like well I’m not fucking sleeping then am I?

    The solution - serve tea and coffee with the meal and that’s 4 less wake ups and me and Rose would have probably been a lot less grumpy when we finally arrived to Kathmandu, which by the way looked like a proper toy town from the air, almost as if it were built from lego... Or maybe just me.

    Straight out the airport, no ATM... great - luckily had some dollars we could use and got some non official dodgy taxi who was at least cheap - though spotted quite quickly that they gave us the cheap price as they were interested in selling as many tours as physically possible - of which they had quite a bit of time to do so as the traffic was absolutely mental. As was the dust and as was the million electrical cables hanging off pylons which was another level to anything I had ever seen before.

    Unfortunately, due to the million flight wake up calls, and Rose fainting last time I charged out the blocks after no sleep, we decided to have a little nap in the afternoon before we headed out for a little explore of Kathmandu Old Town. Probably good that we did so as we headed into what was essentially rush hour in Asan Chole, the market area which was the epicentre of all the chaos where you couldn’t literally move in amongst the hundreds of people, and scooters and people on scooters.

    Which brings me to my first main gripe about Kathmandu... Scooters - shitloads of them and due to quantity of them, they wouldn’t actually move any faster than pedestrians - rather just clog up the dusty paths honking like their lives dependend on it. If you weren’t initiated to travelling then going somewhere like this certainly threw you in at the deep end.

    So after walking probably a very small distance in a couple of hours we headed back to the hostel where some arse decided to bless me by rubbing a red Bhindi on my head which I then tried to rub off only to give myself a massive red forehead looking like a right plonker as we went out to eat in a nice Indian restaurant in the evening.

    After that I wanted a beer, Rose wanted more sleep so I had a little sulk but got over that pretty quickly and I myself was asleep again pretty soon.

    In the morning was back to my usual routine of finding a flat white with score above 4.7, which was actually easier than I thought. After consulting Google, I convinced Rose to go to a place on the basis that it had fancy decorated coffee so it must be good. When the coffee arrived it was a massive splat which they also spilt upon giving us so not off to a great start but the guy; and actually everyone that we had met so far in Nepal was super friendly and I also got my first taste of momos which were decent too.

    After that we took a walking, or rather a battle tour in amongst the Kathmandu old town, where we saw some Tibetan stupas, some scooters and people and dust and finally to the main Durbur Square which was the main attraction that had been heavily damaged by the 2015 earthquake but still had some amazing temples and luckily the palace was now open for business. Took a walk round there where spotted some Hindu dudes with all the fancy face paint and stuff so was like wanna get a picture of that so walked up to them and this other guy sticks his hand out so I gave him a small bit of change, sit in between the Hindu dudes (sadhus/holy men), get my photograph taken and then they start asking for money. I was then like hang on mate I just gave this guy 50 rupees I’m not paying again, but then Rose made me quickly realise I’d just given money to a random beggar and he wasn’t some random photo tout (not their PR agent)! Whacked out another 50 rupee note and then those guys were like but you just gave the beggar that and we want more - dammit! Only had big notes after that which nooooo not having that so scraped another 20 and left with the Hindu guys thoroughly pissed off - nevermind!

    After that visited the Royal palace, which had only just reopened after the earthquake and was quite eye opening, and the rest of Durbur square which had a load of cool temples and a fuck ton of pidgeons.... Pidgeons that would also coo the entire night and keep you awake and be bloody annoying by the end... I may as well throw in my other gripes of Kathmandu in this section too - We went to ‘Freak Street’ but there wasn’t any freaks, there was a very low quantity of slappy dogs (actually not sure if this is a bad thing) and the south side walking tour that we did after Durbur Square was pretty meh.

    We then also got a taxi ride which I was convinced we got ripped off with but was too new in the city to really know up to Monkey Temple, which was pretty cool and had great views over the Kathmandu valley and a Tibetan stupa at the top. Unfortunately we chose to go on a Saturday which was their holiday day so the place was absolutely rammed but ahh well.

    As we didn’t hang around too long, the taxi driver rectified some of his points by offering to take us to another place ‘Three
    Buddhas’ free of charge. This was something I wasn’t even aware existed so alright with this one!

    The rip off, but now slightly ok taxi driver then dropped us off to our final destination: The ‘Garden Of Dreams’. This was supposed to be a ‘sea of tranquility’ in amongst the chaos of the city, but that was probably because no one would want to pay an excessive fee for a shit garden.

    Actually it was ok... but very small and as we started our little scoot round, this old guy comes up and asks us for an interview. Rose agreed and then we had to answer questions about why we were in Nepal and what we want to do with our lives. Gave him some schpiel (not sure how you spell that) and then he gave us the usual crap of now needing some money to print the story. Do one.

    Unfortunately, when we said our story of not having any change and needing an ATM (not within the grounds) he was more than happy to be like yeh alright then I’ll wait, knowing that there was absolutely nothing to do. Probably rubbing his hands, we then asked how long he would be around for and he said another half an hour, so we then had to kill that time walking round what was the same size as a small street. The old guy eventually went so mission success!

    Following that Rose bought a new rucksack to replace her chode bag for the trek, claiming it was now her ‘new favourite’ :( Not so pleased with this, but knew it would save a great deal of aching and be much more confortable for the trekking we had lined up.

    Night 2 and I did get my way with going for a beer, spending a fortune (£7.20) on a local one which turned out to be from Colorado. Thanks for that. Pretty sure I could find a LOT of things we could have done in Nepal for that cash but that’s me turning into a pretentious hipster twat. We also met some Australian girl who told us a bit about the Annapurna circuit trek we were going to be doing and then we went for some Israeli food which had an amazing Espresso Martini cocktail and some guy with a cartoon head floppy fringe.

    After a shit, pidgeon coo infested nights sleep it was then my birthday! We had thought about taking a bus ride to Pokhara that day but decided to actually do some more fun things that day so hired a driver (who again I thought was stupidly expensive, but wore an England football shirt so also gained some points back) to take us around a few of the sites around the Kathmandu Valley.

    First stop was Boudanath, where you were supposed to go for sunrise to hear the chanting of the monks but the taxi driver was even less keen than us to get up at that time so went for a respectable 7am and then sat in Kathmandu traffic for an hour or so to visit another more bigger, more super Tibetan temple, which also had a decent flat white close by so everyone was a winner. Was also significantly quieter than the monkey temple, though still about a million pidgeons.

    After that next stop was Pushpatinath - a very important holy Hindu site where you can’t visit most of the sites but they still charge you the hefty entrance fee anyway... though I guess it was still less than my craft beer. The main things to see around this area were some temples, and then oddly enough they had a crematorium, where people would go only a couple of hours after their death to be blessed by the river and then taken to a fully visible crematorium point where the son of the family had to burn their parents body.

    Was a very surreal place to be, and even more surreal was tourists taking pictures of essentially a funeral, which was totally disrespectful and yeh completely uncalled for. Needless to say I put my camera away and wasn’t too keen on getting close to the ‘action’ anyway but you did have to walk through the area to get to the main Golden Temple area which again you couldn’t get in anyway so the upshot of that section was walking through a few funerals with bereaving family members - yay!

    Once we were finished with Pushpatinath, we then took a trip to Patan, another place close to Kathmandu with old temples and pidgeons. This place had also had quite a few buildings damaged in the 2015 earthquake but otherwise had stayed completely untouched for hundreds of years so was quite a cool place to spend a few hours.

    We went to the main palace where some guy photobombed us, and a few people spat and then to a cool small golden temple where some dudes told me off for something I wasn’t really aware of before getting England man to drive us to the permit office to pick up necessary documentation to go to Annapurna.

    The early evening was then spent stocking up on trekking snacks where Rose thought I bought FAR too many Oreos but there is no such thing before then going to a fancy pants meal for my birthday.

    Unfortunately we hadn’t quite realised how fancy pants the restaurant was so only half dressed up for the occasion and when we arrived there was a massive wall of fame of all these royal families eating there. Guess we can add ourselves to that list now!

    We first had the drama of the shittest taxi driver ever who got lost about 50 times trying to find the place, even when he had a mate live reading google maps, with the blue dot on it and me telling them to take the correct turnings... they just decided to ignore the correct advice and do their own thing which then meant half an hour of driving in a loop before they finally listened to me and turned back and made the right choices in life!

    Once there we blasted out a 7 course dinner which was pretty epic. As part of the meal we were told to make food offering to the gods via a plate in the middle of the table so I donated a couple of beans cause I wanted to eat the rest. Rose however had donated quite a bit more to her god and I felt a little bad so I got some of these petally things to dress it up a bit but then the waitress told me off again as ‘you don’t give that to the god’ - sorry mate!

    The dinner was then rounded off with someone else’s birthday cake as Rose hadn’t had chance to tell them it was mine and then we had a browse round the hotel we could never in a million years afford to stay in - looked pretty nice though!

    That nearly bought an end to our stay in Kathmandu but first there was time for Rose to fall down a drain in the morning preceding our bus to do our pre planned trek of doom...

    It was on the way to the bus station, that wasn’t really a bus station, but a street we were told to wait for our bus on which when we arrived was a street which had a few buses on but not our bus kind of usual shit, but Rose was trying to navigate and we were having a little discussion about which was the best route to take to the non bus station bus station.

    At this point she stopped and I thought she had noticed the quite large hole in the road, but as she had rather a lot of luggage clearly hadn’t and next thing I knew she was down waist deep, which in hindsight we can both (I think) laugh at but at the time was pretty serious and Rose badly banged her knee and I was seriously worried that the months of planning we had put in to doing this trek had literally gone down the drain!

    Fortunately after the six hour which turned into 9 hour bus ride things had calmed down a bit and we were then ready to commence with the next part of our trip.......
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